"So he starts whispering all these weird sexual things into the phone..."
"Oh no!"
"But he doesn't realize that I haven't transferred Jan yet and he's really whispering them to me."
"Oh, Beesly, do I dare even ask?"
"Yes, yes you do. Ok, so he starts..."
And just as Pam is about to describe to Jim the most awkward one-sided sexual conversation she's ever heard, they hear someone clear his throat and look up to see Dwight standing in the doorway.
"Hey, man," Jim says, trying to sound casual.
"Jim. Pam," Dwight responds, nodding to each of them before standing in front of the candy machine. It looks like he's staring at the Hershey's Special Dark, but isn't making a move to buy it.
Jim and Pam look at each other, hoping the other person has an explanation for this.
"Jim, I would like to have a word with Pam," Dwight explains while continuing to stare at the candy bar.
"Ok."
"Alone," he says, turning and giving Jim a death stare to let him know this is serious business.
"Um...sure." Jim glances at Pam before standing up and throwing his Coke can in the recycle bin.
Dwight watches him go and then moves swiftly toward the seat next to Pam. "I thought he would never leave."
"Well, you asked him to," Pam tries to explain before Dwight cuts her off.
"Listen, we have no time for chit chat." Dwight checks the doors leading out of the break room to make sure no one is spying on them. "Last year, you gave me good advice for Valentine's Day and I need you to do it again."
Oh no. Pam starts mentally debating what's worse: The fact that for a second Valentine's Day in a row, she's about to help Dwight, or that she won't be getting the best sex she's ever had. Then she remembers the day Dwight found her crying and her lack of sex easily wins.
"Sure. What's up?"
From inside his brown suit jacket, Dwight pulls out a CD. "I want you to look at this and tell me if you think it's ok to give to my girlfriend."
Pam grabs the CD from his hand to look at the cover and immediately recognizes the picture on the front. It's a picture of the poster Dwight used for his "presentation" to Michael last year as part of his performance review, but instead of his "D-W-I-G-H-T" qualities, it reads, in bold red letters, "From Your Valentine, Dwight K. Schrute."
Dwight and Angela have a weird relationship.
"I think your girlfriend will really like it," she says in a chipper tone.
Dwight just rolls his eyes. "How do you know if you didn't even open it?"
"Open it?"
"Must I explain everything to you, woman? The track listing is on the inside."
"Oh," Pam says. "You included one?"
"Well, yeah."
Pam smiles over at him. "That was a good idea, Dwight."
Dwight looks a little embarrassed before saying a quiet "Thank you."
Pam opens the jewel case to see a rose Dwight probably downloaded from the Internet with a list of songs. She figures she should look them over in case he asks her specific questions, which she knows he'll do.
She expects nothing less than this kind of list from Dwight. Motley Crue's Home Sweet Home. Heaven by Warrant. You Shook Me All Night Long? Pam doesn't think Angela will approve of the lyrical content, but she doesn't want to break that to Dwight -- or admit to herself that the song implies that Dwight and Angela are having sex. Night Ranger's Sister Christian? That's perfect, Dwight!
Pam hands the CD back to Dwight and smiles. "I think you did a good job with it," she says.
"Are you sure?" Dwight asks. "I mean, do you think putting Bon Jovi on there was too wimpy?"
I knew he was going to quiz me, Pam thinks triumphantly. "Well, you chose Livin' on a Prayer so I think Ang...it's a great choice."
"Thank you, Pam," Dwight says matter-of-factly as he slips the CD back into his jacket pocket. "I appreciate your help."
She gives Dwight a warm smile. "No problem, Dwight."
It's not her taste in music and the whole Dwight and Angela thing still creeps her out a little bit, but she can tell that Dwight made that CD out of love. It may be warped and twisted love, but it's more than what she has right now.
Pam drinks her Coke, thinking about the mix tapes she's received over the years and realizes there aren't any. Roy didn't even make her one when they first started dating and all her high school friends got mix tapes from their boyfriends -- back when guys had to actually tape the songs off their records and tape decks. Whenever she would ask why she never got one, Roy would just say "Those guys are such pussies."
Pam's happy Roy isn't her date for Valentine's Day this year. She'd much rather spend it alone.
x x x
The afternoon slowly drags on. Phyllis is on her honeymoon so there are no flower deliveries like last year from Bob Vance, Vance Refrigeration. The only thing that shows up are some balloons for Oscar from his boyfriend. Pam decides she needs to find ways to keep Michael in his office after that so he doesn't make an ass of himself and try to kiss Oscar because it's Valentine's Day.
Michael wants to get reimbursed for a "work lunch" with Packer at Hooter's so Pam grabs the paperwork from his hands before he can walk out his office door. Angela is sitting at her desk with headphones on and Pam has to walk up right next to her to get her attention. "Umm...Angela? Angela?"
She finally turns around, whipping off the headphones plugged into her computer. "What?" Angela looks like she's been caught with her hand in a cookie jar.
"Um...I just needed you to sign off on this paperwork for Michael," Pam explains.
"Hooter's again? Really?"
"It was lunch with Packer."
"I find that man repulsive," Angela says as she looks over the paperwork. "At least he didn't come into the office this time."
As Angela meticulously approves the lunch, Pam peers over her shoulder to see what's on her computer screen. She gets a glimpse of the words "Night Ranger" before she hears papers being shuffled.
"There you go, Pam."
"Thanks, Angela," she says, taking the papers back. "Um...what are you listening to?"
"Listening to?" Angela tries to ask innocently. "Oh, Christian music. After all, Valentine's Day is really the celebration of a saint and too many people forget that."
Pam smiles. "Thanks for reminding me, Angela."
She walks back to her desk with the paperwork and refills her empty candy dish. She can tell Jim hears her doing it because just as soon as she's done, he's standing up and walking over to eat the replenished candy hearts.
Jim puts a heart in his mouth before leaning down and whispering "So what did you and Dwight talk about?"
"Nothing that concerns you."
Jim rolls his eyes. "You aren't going to tell me, are you?"
"It's just something between me and Dwight and Dwight's girlfriend."
Jim swallows the candy heart he was chewing. "Sometimes, I think the healthiest relationship in this office is Michael and Jan's." He straightens up and looks like he just realized he said something wrong. He nervously drums his fingers on Pam's desk, then grabs a few more hearts and walks away.
Pam doesn't point out the fact that Jim thinks his relationship with Karen is worse than Michael and Jan or that Angela and Dwight actually have a relationship that can be used for comparison. She just watches him go, thinking it would be nice if Jim would give her a mix tape with Motley Crue on it.
Story Notes:
This is a response to the mixtape challenge posted a few weeks ago. I decided to take it a step further so if you want the mixtape mentioned in the story, you can download it here at my LJ. There's songs mentioned in here, bonus tracks, and the crappy artwork you could only expect from the mixer in question.
Thanks to peski piksi for the beta on this!
Chapter End Notes:
As I mentioned at the beginning, you can download the mix...if you dare.
