His arms had been so strong around her even though she could tell he had been weakened by her words before. She had told him no. She had told him she couldn't. She should have told him she wanted to, but she was scared. That was a bad excuse. She could have. Easily. She had wanted to love Jim Halpert for years, but there was one thing that stood in her way. And he could have probably dropped Jim like a bad habit. She didn't want to see Jim get hurt for loving her, but she had.

Jim was leaving. Correction, Jim had left. And whether or not anyone wanted to admit it, she was the real reason. He had only been gone a few weeks, but she still couldn't get over how much she missed him.

"Dunder-Mifflin, this is Pam."

It wasn't him.

It never was.

When five o'clock came she was glad to be going home for the day. She would again be going home to an empty house for the first time in a long time. Roy had moved out and she was glad. There was no ring on her finger and no promise to keep to a man she no longer loved, but there was something about life at that one instant that got to her.

She sat on the couch and looked around. There wasn't anything to do. She had no one to talk to. For the past week she felt she needed to talk to somebody about what had happened. She knew that's what normal people with friends did when they broke up with their boyfriends. No. Roy was NOT her boyfriend. He was her fiancé and she had broken off their engagement after years-just weeks before their wedding. She needed a best friend to talk to. To cry to. To yell at about it all. But her best friend wasn't there. He was in Stamford.

She debated for hours whether or not to call him. She held the phone in front of her long enough that it was etched into her brain. She hadn't eaten. In fact, she hadn't left the couch since he had dialed his number two hours before. Her sink was leaky. She heard it drip drip dripping. It was beginning to drive her nuts.

She should just call him-for real this time. Get it over with. The worst thing that could happen was that he'd hang up on her and never speak to her again. She was going to do it. She dialed his number-for the eighth time-and actually waited for it to ring more than once. She was going to hang up, but for some reason she waited for his voice.

"Hello?"

He sounded tired.

She woke him up.

"Hi."

"Who is this?" He sounded almost angry. As would be expected from someone who had been woken up at one in the morning by a ringing phone.

"It's me." She waited. Maybe he didn't know who she was. Maybe he did and was ignoring her. She opted for the former. "Pam."

He sat up. She knew that sound. The type of pause there was on the other end. He didn't know it was her at first.

If he hadn't been awake before, she could tell he was now. "Hi."

"Did I wake you?"

"Yeah, it's fine."

Her shoulders relaxed finally. He didn't sound angry anymore, just tired. "Did you want me to call another time?"

"No. I'm up. What is it?" He had become almost short with her.

She knew why. He was really awake and realized the woman who had shot him down-twice-was on the phone with him at an ungodly hour. "Um, well, here's the thing. I broke things off with Roy after what happened because I knew I couldn't marry him when I felt the way I did about you which I didn't realize till you told me you loved me and I was in such a state of shock that I didn't know what to do and it's taken me a week to realize that I'm glad what happened happened and I needed to call you because this is the kind of time when a girl needs her best friend and you're my best friend and even though you're far away and probably never want to see me let alone speak to me again I needed to talk to you and tell you everything."

Silence.

She had rambled. Really rambled. That had not been her plan, but when she knew he was on the phone listening to her she had to get it out one way or another.

"Jim?"
He made a sound. It was more of an inhale rather than a sigh, but she could read it just the same. He was floored. "Did you breathe at all during that or was it one continuous thing?"

That was not the reaction she was expecting.

His humor always got her in the best ways. She laughed. The first time in weeks. "That was one big one."

"That's what she said."

She laughed again. "Nice."

Silence.

Then laughter. She could hear him in the distance as if he had moved the phone away from his mouth to hide the fact that he was laughing.

"Are you mad at me?" She blurted the question out before she had time to think of the answer he might give. She didn't really want the answer, but knew she needed it.

There was a long pause before his answer, "No."

"Good."

Silence.

She played with the piece of paper that held his phone number-she had called directory assistance-hoping he would say something else.

"Hey, Pam."

"Yeah?" She sounded eager.

"Can we talk about all this later?"

He was blowing her off. He was mad at her.

"Um, sure."

"I just need some sleep so I can get to work in the morning."

"Yeah, sure." She felt defeated. She shouldn't have called him. It was wrong of her to do so.

"How bout I come down there this weekend and we can get coffee."

She was terribly confused. "You'd drive all the way down here just to have coffee with me?"

"Of course. I do need you to do one thing for me though."

"Anything."

"Do one of those long winded rants for me when we're there so I can see it in person."

"Of course. Night."

"Night."