Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended. 

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“Jim! JIM! Come in here, quick, I just touched something sharp and crusty!!” Pam scooted the upper half of her body out from under Jim’s bed, squealing.

Jim walked in with a huge pile of jackets, scarves, and thermals in his arms. “Crusty?! Not a good idea to go digging around under my bed, Beesly. I honestly have no idea what’s under there.”

“I had no idea you were such a dirty slob. No luck finding your ski boots, but I did manage to unearth a dirty plate, covered in what appears to be the last of some nachos, a flip-flop caked in dried mud, several tennis balls, and whatever that was I just touched. You need to get under there and look, because that was seriously disturbing.” Pam sat up, leaning back against the bed and wiping her hands on the carpet.

Jim tossed his mountain of clothes onto his bed and got down on the floor. He propped himself up on his elbows and crawled military style halfway under the bed. “Pam, the crusty thing you touched could be any of a number of items under here – what was it by?”

“It was just to the left of the flip-flop, behind a shoebox full of dead leaves.”

Jim reached extended his arm until he felt something, just beyond the shoebox. “CARL!!” he shouted, wiggling his legs with excitement.

“Carl? Whatever it is has a name? Jim, this is weird. What is it?”

Jim maneuvered himself out from under the bed, something closed in his right hand. He sat up next to Pam and gingerly opened his hand.

“Oh, god, what is that? Is that old food? It looks like a moldy chicken nugget!”

Jim shook his head and gave Pam a somber look. “Pam, I want you to meet Carl, my hermit crab…who is clearly not with us anymore.” He gently touched the top of Carl’s dilapidated shell. “He escaped about eight months ago and I had no idea where he went! Mark got him for me for Christmas last year…I’m still not sure why, but I kind of loved him.”

“Jim. First of all, I’d like to express my deepest sympathies for the loss of your friend. It’s obvious how much Carl meant to you, and I’m sorry things had to end up this way. Circle of life, Jim, and I’m sure Carl died peacefully and comfortably under your bed while you played a shooting game on your computer. How moving. Secondly, I can’t believe you had a dead animal under your bed! A dead animal, Jim!” Pam patted Jim’s arm and shook her head in disbelief. “Let’s get rid of it and find your boots, we have to get the car packed so we can head out soon.”

“OK. Let’s go bury him and we can be on our way.” Jim stood up and pulled Pam up with his left hand.

Pam sighed. Sometimes Jim was like a 6’3 ten year old. “Alright, Jim. Let’s give Carl the funeral he deserves. You go dig a hole in the backyard and I’ll make him a headstone. I hate to rush you during this sensitive time, but hurry up, OK?”

Jim nodded and headed downstairs to prepare the gravesite. Pam rummaged through the pile of junk on Jim’s desk, looking for suitable headstone materials. She opened the top drawer and reached in, pulling out the first writing utensil she could find. Which was a glittery blue gel pen. Classy. She scrambled back under the bed and pulled the top off the old shoebox, and then she quickly cut it into the shape of a tombstone. She scribbled a message on the plain side and headed down the stairs to meet Jim in the yard.

Jim was standing next to a small hole under the huge oak tree. “Carl would have loved this,” he said. “I’m almost positive he liked nature.” He bent down and put the crab into the hole, then covered it with dirt. “I’d like you to say a few words, please,” he said seriously to Pam.

She grabbed Jim’s hand and squeezed it. “Even though I didn’t get the chance to know Carl, I think we would have gotten along. As long as he didn’t pinch me. We are sad to see you go Carl, and you will be missed.” She bowed her head in mock prayer.

“Carl, buddy, I’m sorry you died alone under my bed. It’s gross and uncomfortable, and no self-respecting crab should have to go out that way. Have a wonderful time frolicking in crab heaven. Amen.”

Pam knelt down and stuck the tombstone in above the dirt pile.

Here lies our friend, old Carl the crab.

Though he was a Hermit, he was never drab.

We were sad to discover him under the bed,

Mostly because nobody knew he was dead.

Jim smiled and couldn’t stifle his laughter. “You’re the best, Beesly,” he said, wrapping both arms around her and pulling her in for a hug.

“Yeah, yeah, you’re not awful either. Let’s get this show on the road. Now, what color yarn should I take in the car? I figure I’ll be able to make us at least 3 or 4 new scarves in the time it takes to actually get to Colorado. Although it won’t be much of a ski trip if you can’t even find your boots in your mess of filth.” She gave him a squeeze and grinned.

“Blue. Definitely blue. And, hey,” he said, leaning back a little so he could see her face.

“Hmm?” Pam looked up to meet his eyes.

“I love you.”

“I love you, too.”

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Prompts used were: Jim/Pam, yarn, ski boots, a hermit crab, and a glittery blue gel pen. Thanks to PuffingNoise for the fun elements!