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Author's Chapter Notes:
Lyrics and title from "Chasing Cars" by Snow Patrol. This song describes Jim/Pam so well, it's not even funny.
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Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
To say it was awkward was an understatement. When Jim came in Monday morning, and looked over at Pam, she was busy on the phone, and typing something on her computer. She'd never been that busy before, so he knew she was avoiding him.

Jim couldn't blame her. After the night they'd had Friday, he hadn't thought he'd be able to come in after the weekend much less talk to her. As he sat down, he remembered her standing in front of his desk as they shared their first kiss. His heart fluttered at the thought, which was interrupted by the sound of Dwight clearing his throat.

Jim glanced over at Dwight's desk with a blank expression on his face. “What, Dwight?” He was not in the mood for this today.

“You disappeared pretty quickly Friday night...” Dwight leaned back in his chair, his smirk wiped off his face as he leaned too far back and almost fell. He righted himself and started to shake his head. “You didn't account for your whereabouts.”

Jim looked at the camera helplessly. “You're not my boss, my father, or my... extremely ugly mother, so why would I need to tell you my 'whereabouts'”? He said, using air quotes on the last word.

Dwight looked shocked. “You said your mother is ugly!”

“No, I said you're ugly. You're my ugly mother, Dwight, and I should have told you where I was, okay? Can I sell paper now?” He rolled his eyes and picked up his phone.

Dwight narrowed his eyes. Suddenly Angela appeared behind him out of nowhere and narrowed her eyes as well. “Pam's whereabouts were not accounted for Friday night either...” She looked at Jim disapprovingly.

Jim ignored them both. “Yes, hi, I was calling for Mr. Caster...”

....................

It had been 240 minutes since Pam had looked at him. He caught her eye once, when Michael called out “Hey, Spam! Spammy Pammy!” and happened to be standing behind Jim. She looked up, and locked eyes with him, only to pick up her phone and start talking even though it hadn't rung.

He couldn't help but look up at her, it was his usual routine. Every day, when he was bored, which was a lot, he'd look up and smile at her. Sometimes she'd smile back, or she'd roll her eyes, or she'd stick her tongue out at him. Whatever she did, it always made him smile. Now, he looked at her and saw her ducking so far down she might as well have been taking calls from under her desk.

He sighed, looking at the clock. Now it had been 241.

“Word to yo' Halpert!” Jim closed his eyes for a moment before turning around.

“Yeah, Michael?” He said.

Michael danced over to Jim, shaking his hips in a way that made Jim think he would never be able to watch a Shakira video the same way again.
“Listen, buddy. I need some people to go up to the roof and bring the roses I planted down here.” He smiled brightly down at Jim.

Jim stared back blankly. “Roses? You...planted roses on the roof...?” He said as he chewed on the end of his pen.

“Well, yeah. No, I mean, not on the roof, like in the cement. I mean, they're in pots, on the roof. I thought it would be nice to grow some nice roses and then bring them down here, to ya know, brighten up the place. Throw some color in this prison cell. Stanley knows about that, dontcha, Stan?!” He threw the guns to Stanley, who gave him a narrowed eyed stare and kept typing something into his computer.

Jim swallowed hard, bracing himself. “So, you want me to go get them?”

“Yeah, and take Pam with you. I don't think any of the other guys want to be seen carrying flowers, ya know... But I know that isn't a problem for you, fairy!” Michael slapped him on the back.

Oscar looked over from his desk. Michael caught his eye. He looked up at the camera. “Uh.... princess. Fairy princess! Ya know... cause they are fictional. And rare. So, you're a rare commodity, Mr. Halpert!” He laughed. “Now, get up and there! You guys have 'til the end of lunch!” He danced back into his office.

Jim swiveled his chair around to look at Pam. She looked back at him and shrugged her shoulders slightly.

He stood up, making his way to the front door. He got to the reception desk just as Pam was walking out of the area. She bumped into his side.

“I'm...sorry...” She said quietly, looking at the floor.

Jim felt sorry too.

.........................

After Jim had kissed Pam, he felt amazing. When he felt her pulling away, he still felt good. He thought she had wanted to tell him something. Possibly that she loved him too. Which, before seemed impossible, but after that kiss, he felt anything could happen.

But when he looked down and saw the look on her face, his felt his own face fall. He stepped back, barely able to let out the word. “Uh.” He listened as she spoke, tearing his heart out with every word.

“Jim... I was going to say that...” She looked down at her hands. He saw she was playing with her engagement ring. Even in the bright office light during work hours, he still couldn't find the diamond place in the middle. She had tried to show him numerous times, but all he could ever see was one shiny dot. But maybe that was just his heart deceiving his eyes.

“That I may have had... a crush on you too. Before. And maybe still do...did. A little. And that's why I kissed you back. But that's all it is, Jim. I'm so sorry. But it's just a crush...and what I have with Roy... it's...” She looked down again.

He nodded his head, biting his bottom lip. “More important than a crush. Sure, I get it.” He blinked away tears. “Thanks, ya know. For giving me that... pity kiss. It was nice.” He stepped back.

“No, Jim! That wasn't a-” She stepped forward, but he put up a hand to stop her.

“It's fine. It's good. Hey, at least you know, now? Right? I mean, it's good. It's...” His words faded out as the second tear of the night fell down his cheek. He turned around and walked out the office door.
...........................

Jim motioned at the ladder up to the roof as if to say “Ladies first.”

Pam ducked her head as she walked past Jim to climb up. He watched to make sure she didn't slip, and then made his way up after her.

After he climbed up through the trapdoor, he turned around to set the door down so they could get back down easily. Before he could do so, he dropped the door and it shut with a bang.

“Don't let the door close!” Pam yelled out too late. She looked at Jim desperately. “It... locks on it's own.”

Jim looked down at the door. He stared at the lock as if to will it open with his mind, like he had 'done' with the coat rack on casino night. He felt really quite sick.

He really didn't want to be alone with Pam right now, especially not in the place where they had once had their 'first date' which wasn't really a date.

“Oh, shit.” He looked over at a blushing Pam. He had never heard her swear before. He thought she must really hate to be alone with him to swear like that.

“Well...um... you know Michael will be worried about his roses so he should be up here by the end of lunch..” He walked over to the electrical box and sat down.

He thought nothing could be worse than this. He felt like banging on the door and screaming for help. Which, he thought he should probably scream off the top of the roof until his eyes landed on Pam.

His eyes traveled up Pam's Keds to her pencil skirt to her pink button down shirt and then rested on her face. She was looking down at the floor, kicking at some imaginary dirt. At that moment he wished he was an artist, because he had never felt more like painting something. The sunlight hit the highlights in her hair perfectly, making them a bright yellowish color. He watched the loose strands dance in the wind, and soaked in the contrast of her milky skin against the blue sky behind her. He watched as she walked over to one of the little rose bushes and plucked a dying one. She held it up to her nose, and caught him staring at her. Her eyes shifted around before settling back on him.

“What?” She said almost too softly to hear in the blowing wind.

Jim shook his head. “Nothing....but...” He breathed in, trying to stop the tears from forming. He stood up, waked over to her and plucked one rose that was actually alive. He looked into her eyes and handed it to her.

“You know you don't have to answer to anyone else but yourself?” He walked past her to lean on the ledge and look out at the parking lot below. He saw Roy sitting next to the trees, laughing with his buddies.

“I mean.” He said over his shoulder. “If you love Roy, that's fine. But don't think that you have to marry him out of some commitment to your family or friends...”

Pam looked blankly at the flower in her hand. “I made a commitment to Roy, Jim. I have to answer to him.”

Jim turned around and gave her a look of desperation. “Look, commitment doesn't equal happiness. If he doesn't make you happy, then find someone who does. Even if it isn't me.”

She looked back at him, amazed. “What?”

He exhaled and shook his head. “I just want you to be happy, Pam.”

She started to cry. She sniffed the rose, looking back up at him. “No one has ever said that to me before.”

Jim shrugged. “You deserve some happiness.”

Pam hesitated before she walked slowly over to Jim. She put the rose on the ledge and suddenly, she pulled Jim's head down to hers and kissed him softly.

Jim pressed his lips to hers, gently tangling his fingers in her soft hair, afraid to lose the moment. He felt like she could brake like a china doll at any moment.

She pulled back, but still held his head in her hands. “I don't know how to say...”

He nodded. “I know.”

“I mean, I couldn't even begin to explain... what I feel...for you. I need time. There's so much to say, so much to do... People to talk to-”

“Hey, don't worry. I told you, that isn't important. And there's time for that. We'll do it all, together. Just, come on.” He walked her away from the ledge and sat down on the ground.

“Jim, what are you doing?” She said, sitting down next to him.

He laid back, still holding her hand. “Just lay down with me. You want to take it slow, right? Let's look at the clouds.”

He felt her lay down next to him. He closed his eyes for a moment. His senses were working overtime. He felt the wind on his face, and heard it in his ears. He smelled the dead roses and Pam's shampoo. He saw inside his head a lifetime with Pam, shopping for fabric softener, making love, preparing dinner together, watching lame movies and making fun of them, marrying her, watching as she got their child ready for their first day of school. When he opened his eyes he saw Pam looking over at him, her eyes full of fear, uncertainty and love. He felt her heartbeat through her hand, and he squeezed it gently. He smiled as she squeezed his hand back.

He pointed up towards the sky. “I see Dwight, reporting our absences to Michael.”

His nerves tingled as her heard her laugh. She pointed up at a cloud. “And Michael telling him to shut up.”

“Yeah.” He said laughing along with her.

They both stopped laughing, as a warm breeze blew by, swishing over their faces. He breathed in, slowly. He told himself to remember to tell Michael that the roses were a great idea.

We'll do it all
Everything
On our own

We don't need
Anything
Or anyone

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

I don't quite know
How to say
How I feel

Those three words
Are said too much
They're not enough

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

Let's waste time
Chasing cars
Around our heads

I need your grace
To remind me
To find my own

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?

Forget what we're told
Before we get too old
Show me a garden that's bursting into life

All that I am
All that I ever was
Is here in your perfect eyes, they're all I can see

I don't know where
Confused about how as well
Just know that these things will never change for us at all

If I lay here
If I just lay here
Would you lie with me and just forget the world?


katrina87 is the author of 14 other stories.
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