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Author's Chapter Notes:
A short bit to start us out.

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It was coming up on midnight and there was still another twenty miles to go until they got home. Conversation had slowed like a dry creek bed. Jim’s I-Pod was playing through his radio, a weird track of ambient rock under a bit of spoken word by a guy who sounds like he’s lived through hell and went back for seconds. “We are trapped in the belly of this horrible machine,” he says, “and the machine is bleeding to death,” and it’s all Karen can do but concentrate on hearing the road noise above the depression seeping from the car’s speakers.

 

The cocktail party was fun, Karen thought, and she said so aloud every few minutes to break the silence, because Jim wasn’t doing anything to help. She couldn’t quite place what happened to make him pull inward. The jokes she had pulled on him, maybe, but he has a good sense of humor, that’s one of the main reasons she is with him.

 

“I’m just a bit tired,” he said, and she thought she could believe it. The way his lids hung low, he looked about ready to slump forward into the steering wheel.

 

She hoped he’d make it back, because if she had her way, their night was far from over. She was warming herself with thoughts of what she would do to him when his phone began to ring in his coat pocket. She didn’t bother to hide her curiosity when he looked at the caller ID, nor when he answered.

 

“Hey man, what’s going on?” he said to the person on the other end. “Not much, just heading home from a business party. It was alright. You’re scaring me, man. Shit. When’d it happen? How long? Yeah, I can do that. Definitely. Shit, man, I’ll survive. No, I want to be there. Everything’s ready? Tomorrow morning? Of course, man. Alright. I’ll talk to you then.”

 

“Who was that?” Karen asked with unresolved curiosity. In response, Jim turned up the volume on the I-Pod, a move that instantly infuriated her. She snatched the device and unplugged it from the radio, sending the car into silence.

 

“I was listening to that.”

 

“Don’t you dare fucking ignore me. Who was that?” In her heart, she knew she was being irrational and that this was just going to lead to more uncomfortable but necessary talks.

 

“They were just about to hit the crescendo.”

“Aren’t you going to answer me?”

 

“Once they get there, it’s like you’re riding a wave. Only, it’s about to break and throw you underneath, like the whole damn ocean is pulling you down.”

 

“Why can’t you just be honest? It’s a simple question,” she said with a practiced tone meant to calm and sooth the situation, if only to make her not hate herself anymore than she already does. “Can’t we just talk like adults for once?”

 

“I’m sick of talking.” And she knows he is.

 

“Guess I am to,” she says with a sigh. It’s weird, she thinks, that she doesn’t want to cry in that moment. Maybe it’ll come when she’s alone in her apartment, when she can’t feel his warmth.

 

“My dad will be dead within forty-eight hours.”

 

* * *

Chapter End Notes:
The song discussed is the Dead Flag Blues by Godspeed You! Black Emperor. Go listen to them. The name of the story comes from Neurosis. Definately go listen to them. Interested in reading some more? Review and tell me so.

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