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Author's Chapter Notes:
This is not the first fanfic I have ever written, but it is the first one I have ever had the courage to put out there for public consumption. This story is not exactly what I envisioned when I started, but this is what came out as I typed. I think this story will have 3 chapters, but the muse might strike and prolong the ride a bit longer.
Disclaimer: Not mine. Never will be. It is very sad as I would take care of them very well.

To Make You Feel My Love


“When the rain is blowing in your face
And the whole world is on your case
I could offer you a warm embrace
To make you feel my love

When the evening shadows and the stars appear
And there is no one there to dry your tears
I could hold you for a million years
To make you feel my love

I know you haven't made your mind up yet
But I would never do you wrong
I've known it from the moment that we met
No doubt in my mind where you belong”

- Bob Dylan


Jim was sitting in his car. In fact, he had been sitting there for 10 minutes, looking around the parking lot for some kind of answer. His eyes darted to the numerous cars still crowding the parking lot, even though it was past 10 pm. Most employees were still enjoying, or at least pretending to enjoy, the casino night in the warehouse. Jim had deemed his car the safest and quietest space to contemplate what had just happened a few feet over to his left, in this very parking lot. His instincts of preservation were telling him that he should run upstairs to the office, pack up his desk while he still had a bit of dignity left, and try to forget he had just made his heart transparent to Pam. He could ask Jan to accelerate his transfer to Stamford. Moving on with his life was the only thing to do after being pushed away.

Part of him however was not convinced that Pam had rejected him. She had said the words, that much was true, but they seemed like a drop in the ocean of their relationship. He had years of experience with looks, touches, and gestures, which all seemed to hint at deeper feelings. He had seen the glances she would sneak towards his desk. She probably thought he wasn’t aware of them, but he always had this acute sense of her gaze when it landed of his skin. He had noticed the way her hand tended to brush against his when he would hand her her lunch bag as he grabbed his in the breakroom fridge. He had noticed how her eyes sparkled when he thanked for putting out new candies to satisfy his sweet tooth. Everything he knew about Pam was also telling him it was futile to press her any further about her feelings since it was unlikely to change the situation. The official party line was that she had no feelings for him, and until he had any sign to the contrary, he would abide by it. Stalkerish confrontation may have worked in romantic novels, but in real life, girls didn’t dig it so much, especially when said girl was your engaged girl friend. So packing and moving on it was.
****************
He opened the main door of the office, and was surprised to hear a voice. Pam’s voice. He heard her whisper to her mother about what he surmised to be uncertainty about her wedding and feelings for a friend. He could see around the corner of the wall that she was leaning against his desk. HIS desk. As convinced as he had been with his running away plan a few minutes ago, something in him just snapped. He had to tempt fate one more time. After all, this night had been about taking chances.

Butterflies were quickly invading his stomach. He had to walk to her before courage drained out of it. Jim headed towards Pam as if on autopilot. “Don’t think, just do it,” was his mantra. Through the fog in his brain, he heard her speak, but her words felt otherworldly and incomprehensible. He could only focus on the shape and shade of her lips. He leaned down and kissed her. He felt instantly light-headed. This kiss had been at least 3 years in the making, and was filled with thoughts of past little moments where all he wanted to do was grab her and kiss her silly.

He felt Pam respond to him, and put her hands in his hair. This was so much more he had ever hoped for. He thought there was serious risk he would burst into flames. This feeling of pure elation only lasted a few seconds, before he felt her hands on his chest, lightly pushing him away. He couldn’t resist a last taste of her mouth before he moved away.

A charged silence filled the room for endless seconds before she spoke. “Jim… I can’t. You know I can’t. Roy…” Her voice trailed off, and she lowered her gaze to the floor. Jim could see her hands were trembling like leaves in the wind.

“You kissed me back. I felt it.”

He heard her sigh. “Why are you doing this?” He saw her eyes fill with tears, and her voice was choked as she tried to speak. “I am getting married in six weeks… That’s not something… I can’t undo the last 10 years.”

“Can’t or won’t,” floated in his mind, but he opted to keep that thought silent. Instead, he decided to deliver his original message, since he now knew he really couldn’t stay. “Well, I can’t stay and watch. What I meant to tell you earlier is that I am transferring to Stamford. I’ve talked with Jan about it… It will probably happen soon.”

Pam was stunned into silence. She looked at him for many seconds, her eyes shining with tears. She muttered a quick “Okay,” before turning her heels and running out the door.

Jim sat down in his desk chair, resting his head on his desk. How could he have been so foolish twice in one night? A stupid dog would learn faster than he did. After a few minutes, he went to the supply closet, grabbed an empty cardboard box, and started filling it with his personal items. There were only some many punches his heart could withstand.

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