At 1:14 p.m. on Tuesday, Jim leaned back in his chair and tried to decide who he wanted to kill.

Almost an hour earlier, Jim had been sitting at his desk bored with his usual routine: making a few sales calls over the phone, doing the resultant paperwork from any sales and updating his client list. Being bored at work was hardly a new feeling for Jim, it had become a frequent state of mind shortly after he was hired at Dunder Mifflin years ago, but today was a little different in that he had no easy outlet. Dwight and Andy were being well behaved for once, so he couldn't justify to himself playing a prank on them, tempting as it was. Karen seemed to be taking a break lately from hinting that she wanted reassurance about the state of their relationship and Michael had yet to come outside his office today and announce something imbecilic. Jim almost wished Todd Packer would come roaring in, insulting everyone; at least it would be a change. Tapping a pencil on his desk and looking around to see if anything interesting was going on, he sighed.

It was only a few seconds later that Jim's email inbox blinked to life, announcing a message from Dwight. He looked over at Dwight, seated not three feet away.

"I'm right here, Dwight. Anything you want to say, you can just say."

"Just read it," Dwight said to him in a stern but quiet voice.

Jim shook his head. "Tomorrow, maybe. I can deal with you in my mail or sitting next to me, but both at the same time is asking a bit much."

"Read it, Jim."

Jim thought about it. Was he really that bored? Could he make it through the next few hours with no diversion? Unfortunately the answer was no; he had to have something to take his mind off selling paper, even if it was just communicating with Dwight over electronic paper. "All right..."

"Clock watcher."

"Galactica nerd."

To: The Men of the Office
From: DSchrute
Subject: Morale building exercise
Earlier this morning I was in Michael's office showing him where he needed to sign some documents, and also generally dusting for him while I was there. We began talking about family and tradition and I explained to him about an old Schrute family game. We've played this game throughout the generations when Schrutes had to pass the time from lack of electricity or, in the case of my two great-uncles, to occupy themselves while manning a lighthouse near Cape Hatteras. (Schrutes have always made excellent lighthouse keepers.) Michael immediately took to the game, asking me which members of Second City Television and Saturday Night Live I'd do what to. I’m not sure who Edith Prickly and Lola Heatherton are but Michael seemed quite fond of them. Afterwards he asked that I engage the rest of the men in the office in it as a morale building exercise.

The Game is called Betrothal, Courtship, Vanquish. The rules are simple: one person names three people and the other players choose among them who they would marry, who they would court and who they would they would get rid of. Players must explain their choices.

"Your family did not invent that game, Dwight."

"Say it in email, Jim, or don't say it at all. We need to keep this quiet."

To: The Men of the Office
From: JHalpert
Subject: B/C/V
Your family did not invent that game, Dwight. It's called "Marry, Boff, Kill", or at least that is one of the many names for it. I’ve never heard of your version but we can use your name, and you can pretend you have some connection to it. Sure, I'll play. Let's get this thing going though before I resort to doing actual work to stay awake.

To: The Men of the Office
From: TFlenderson
Subject: Proposed game
I'm sorry guys, I hate to rain on your parade but I can't allow this. It will create rifts and dissension and one or two of you might get written up if word of this were to leak.

To: The Men of the Office
From: KMalone
Subject: Our HR Friend
Toby if you let us play this we'll all promise not to make any complaints about coworkers for two weeks. It will be like a free vacation for you. Right guys?

The other men agreed, and Toby relented; to keep an eye on things, he decided to participate himself. As part of the understanding with Toby, he was also allowed to name Michael for the lowest ranking of each round as a write-in.

Oscar ended up not wanting to participate, he said people shouldn't gossip or talk negative about others behind their backs, especially at work. But he asked to still be part of the email so that he could follow along. Stanley also bowed out, citing workload, disinterest and as he put it "incurable maturity" as his reasons. Ryan was more than eager; he wanted anything to do that helped him look busy so he could not have to talk to Kelly.

To: The Men of the Office
From: JHalpert
Subject: B/C/V
Who should we do first?

To: The Men of the Office
From: TFlenderson
Subject: Grammar
Whom.

To: The Men of the Office
From: KMalone
Subject: What?
Isn't that the point of the game, to determine that?

To: The Men of the Office
From: JHalpert
Subject: Nobody cares, Toby
No. Which three should we select first, what should be the first three?

To: The Men of the Office
From: RHoward
Subject: Heads up
Kelly is hovering near my desk right now so not her.

To: The Men of the Office
From: Creed
Subject: What?
Then how about the Indian girl instead?

To: The men of the office
From: DSchrute
Subject: Wait
It’s my call. I’ll let you know shortly.

*****************************

The first round went out about twenty minutes later.

To: The Men of the Office
From: DSchrute
Subject: Betrothal, Courtship, Vanquish
First selection. Karen, Pam, Angela.

To: The Men of the Office
From: RHoward
Subject: Answer
I’d marry Pam -- she seems undemanding. I'd get laid by Karen --I don’t know why. I guess I already took your desk, Jim; I might as well go for the rest of it. I’d kill Angela.

To: The Men of the Office
From: KMalone
Subject: Answer
I'd marry Angela. I figure if we're married, she'll be nicer to me than she currently is, and ever has been. Hopefully. Marry Angela or kill her....marry Angela or kill her.....I'll risk it, marry Angela. I'd want to see the look on her face. I'd sleep with Karen. You can call it courtship if that makes you feel better, hee. After seeing her from behind at the wedding while she was singing it's a subject I've given some thought to. Sorry Jim. So by default I'd kill Pam, which seems like a waste though. I wish I'd seen her singing with my group a few times so I could make a more informed decision.

To: The Men of the Office
From: TFlenderson
Subject: Choices
I'd marry Pam. I'd sleep with both the rest of them then vanquish them both. Can you do that?

Toby was informed he could not in fact do that and ended up choosing to have sex with Karen. He cited Angela's propensity to fill up his complaint boxes and could only imagine what an affair with her would produce in that area. Michael was marked for elimination.

To: The Men of the Office
From: Creed
Subject: Terms
Could someone define "Courtship.” What if I want to have Karen under my desk while Pam gives me a back massage? Which one should I put down under Courtship?

To: The Men of the Office
From: TFlenderson
Subject: Choices
From my experience you are more likely to get the massage while married than the other one.

To: The Men of the Office
From: Creed
Subject: Answer
Fair enough. Then I choose to marry Pam, she’s the corporate woman who comes in here sometimes yelling at Michael, right? And I’ll sleep with Angela, the drunk, and kill off Karen. She just married that refrigerator guy so she wasn’t really living anyway.

To: The Men of the Office
From: JHalpert
Subject: Sigh
Pam is the receptionist. Karen is the nice looking dark haired woman from Stamford -- you’ve probably seen me hanging around her a lot. Angela is the blonde in accounting.

To: The Men of the Office
From: Creed
Subject: Hold on
The one I always see you hanging around is the Indian girl.

To: The Men of the Office
From: JHalpert
Subject: Gah
No that’s Ryan.

To: The Men of the Office
From: Creed
Subject: Who?
Ryan is a boy’s name. I think her name is Carrie or Shelley.

To: The Men of the Office
From: JHalpert
Subject: !!!
I’m not Ryan, I’m Jim. You know me, brown hair. Look up and I’ll wave at you.

He sat upright and waved to Creed, who gave a thumbs-up from across the room. Jim felt someone looking at him and turned to see Pam smirking at him from her receptionist station and giving him a little wave of her own. He grinned sheepishly and put his arm back down.

To: The Men of the Office
From: Creed
Subject: There you are
Ahh, hi there.

To: The Men of the Office
From: JHalpert
Subject: Okay…
Do you know who Karen is now? The one I’m often around? I don’t think you can quite see her from your desk. Look I’ll mail you a picture of her, hold on.

To: The Men of the Office
From: Creed
Subject: Oh her
Received it. Oh yes I’ve seen her around, she looks just like her mother.

To: The Men of the Office
From: JHalpert
Subject: ???
You know her mother?

To: The Men of the Office
From: DSchrute
Subject: Betrothal, Courtship, Vanquish
Guys, stop it. Creed, make a decision. Karen is one of the two people left from Stamford, the one that isn’t a traitorous villain.

To: The Men of the Office
From: Creed
Subject: New Answer
In that case I’d marry Karen, and court the receptionist although I think I might have already, it’s a little hazy. And kill off the accountant, we have three doing the work of two, anyone can tell that.

To: The Men of the Office
From: ABernard
Subject: My Answerino
Courting Pam did not work for me. She seems to be a vault to which I do not have the key, but a marriage with her could work. I could wear her down over time, and the rest of our lives together might just be long enough to get her to appreciate the quality of product that Cornell produces. I'd have sex with Karen. Tuna, you seem like a smart guy and she must be good in the sack for you to stick with her. I'd kill Angela, whether I wanted to or not. I am sure I would crush her little frame if we were ever to try and mate.

Eventually, it was Jim's turn to give everyone his ranking and he was still undecided on what to put down. He gave it some thought, still turning over his options in his head. The clock ticked to 1:15pm.

Jim did know one thing: he could tell Dwight had some feelings for Angela. He wasn’t sure to what extent but Jim had known Dwight long enough to read some signals, and his co-worker was less of a complete jerk to a certain accountant than he was to almost everyone else other than Michael.

To: The Men of the Office
From: JHalpert
Subject: Hmmm…
Give me a second more to think this over but I can tell you right off I'd sleep with Angela. Anyone that tightly wound is likely to be interesting to be around when she lets her hair down. Plus something about the height disparity with her turns me on.

Dwight’s head twitched slightly on reading the email but Jim didn't get the big reaction he had hoped for.

Jim leaned back and thought about his feelings for Karen and Pam a moment . He knew that Karen might not be his dream girl but she was fun to be around, both during the day and at night. She was attractive and amiable, and she seemed to like him a lot… maybe more than he could reciprocate, but from his experience there were worse things.

Pam on the other hand… well, no one made his stomach turn in knots like Pam Beesly did. Just getting near Pam still made him feel a wave of something indefinable, a cross between anxiety and desire. But she had rejected him twice, as many as three times if he counted her date with a virtually random stranger with whom Kelly had set her up. Ryan had told him all about that after the branches merged when Jim asked him one day how Pam had held up after her split from Roy. Jim’s thoughts flashed over both his frustrations with Pam during the time he'd known her and also how sad their situation made them. She just didn't seem to want him.

His inbox dinged unexpectedly and he smiled. While they didn't communicate as often these days, he was still always glad to hear from her.

To: JHalpert
From: PBeesly
Subject: Michael
Michael just asked me if I could come into his office in a few minutes and help him work on an arrow through the head gag. I'm scared, what if he is using a real arrow? Is it too late to apply to Staples?

To: PBeesly
From: JHalpert
Subject: Re: Michael
Ha! That wild and crazy guy. Don't worry, if Michael had a real arrow you'd know it as he'd have impaled himself already and be in the emergency room right now. You'll be fine.

Then Jim typed out his reply to the group game email, I'd get rid of Pam and marry Karen, and pressed send. He waited for Dwight to say something sarcastic; he knew it was coming. Instead what came was:

To: JHalpert
From: PBeesly
Subject: …
I assume that was intended for someone else.

By the time he realized what had happened he looked up to see Pam whisking by him, entering Michael's office and closing the door. The damage was done; it was too late to quickly explain it. Jim put his head in his hands as another email arrived.

To: JHalpert
From: KMalone
Subject: C'mon
Hurry up, man. This is fantasy women not fantasy football, it's not like it takes much thought.

------------------

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.