- Text Size +
Author's Chapter Notes:

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

 


 

Somewhere in the distance, Stanley was working his crossword. Kelly was reading People. Andy was personality mirroring. Creed was being…Creed.

 

But for Pam Beesly, this wasn’t a typical day.

 

She read over the email again and couldn’t quite keep the smile from slowly creeping upon her lips.

 

 Pam 

I was given a stipulation from Corporate to fill at least one of the graphic design internship slots this year. My first thought automatically went to you, since you had expressed so much interest last year, so I wanted to give you a chance to re-consider. Classes would be every Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday, so we could arrange for housing for your commute. Please reassess your prior reservations. I think this could be good for you. 

Jan 

 Pam glanced up to see if anyone else was noticing earth was shifting wildly beneath her rolling office chair, but only she seemed to notice the disparity. Dwight hummed Little Drummer Boy as he shredded documents at his desk. Phyllis read her book from inside her desk drawer. Meredith slept soundly.

 

She could still feel the glossy brochure between her fingers all those months ago. The excitement she felt. The hope. The fear. And the explicable regret as she let it drift into the trash can before she spoke to the camera about dreams and how they were just that…She had to live in reality and reality was Scranton and Roy and being a receptionist.

 

 I just, I don't think it's many little girls' dream to be a receptionist. Um, I like to do illustrations. Um, mostly watercolor, few oil pencil, um, Jim thinks they're good. 

Pam’s fingers quickly dialed Jan’s extension at Corporate before she lost her nerve. Before she let the past and the uncertainty once again diffuse what could be a step forward for her. She curled the spiral telephone cord around her wrist absently turned away to face the wall. 

“Jan Levinson.” 

“Jan? Hi, its Pam. Beelsy. From-“ 

“I know who this is,” Jan cut her off dryly. “How can I help you, Pam? I take it you’ve received my email?” 

“Yes, just now.” 

“I hope you’ve given my offer some thought.” 

“I have.” 

“The internship is yours if you want it.” 

“I want it,” Pam blurted before she could change her mind. Before she could over think and overanalyze and talk herself out of it.

 

 “You do?” Jan’s surprise was evident and Pam flushed. “Well. I'm glad to hear that.” 

Pam laughed nervously. “You and me both. I’m just glad this opportunity is still available.” 

“Well, to tell you the truth, I was hesitant to broach the topic again. You seemed pretty adamant the last time we discussed this that your situation wouldn’t allow for-“ 

“Situations change,” Pam interrupted, trying not to cringe at her past choices. She was trying to take her mother’s advice and accept that whatever mistakes she’d made have only made her stronger, as long as she learns from them.  

“Well, I’m glad to hear that. Not only for you,” Jan confessed. “But for me as well. You can’t imagine the grief I’ve been getting from my bosses about filling these positions.” 

“Actually,” Pam began. “I may be able to imagine that. I still have to tell Michael.” 

Jan laughed loudly. “Yeah, I guess you may have it worse. But I’ll explain it’s only for three months. I think he’ll be supportive.” Her voice lowered and if Pam didn’t know any better, she might have mistook her tone for friendliness. “He told me about your art show last month. He was so proud of you.” 

The image of herself standing alone in front of her artwork brought a sudden pang to her chest. It burned and bubbled until she realized her eyes were watering. She tried to push the words ‘motel art’ and the lack of shaggy hair standing above the crowds out of her mind. 

“Jan? You mentioned something about housing?” 

“Oh, yes. Since the classes are in the middle of the week, Corporate would furnish a place for you to stay and a small per diem for food and living expenses, since the internships doesn’t pay.” 

Pam swallowed. “Would it be possible…I mean, I don’t know if it would be allowed, but…I was kind of thinking…” 

“Just say it Pam.” 

You gotta take a chance on something, sometime, Pam. I mean, do you want to be a receptionist here, always? 

Pam squeezed her eyes shut. “What if I wanted to stay in New York? I mean, for the internship? Take the three months off from Dunder Mifflin and really focus.”

 

Jan was quiet for a moment.

 

“You sound really serious about this.”

 

“I am. I really think if I’m going to do this, I need to give it all of my attention.”

 

“I’ll see what I can do.”

 

“Thank you. For everything.”

 

“It won’t be easy to convince Michael.” Jan already sounded battle worn from the mere anticipation of taking away Michael’s favorite receptionist for a long duration.

 

“I know. I appreciate any help you can give to...convince him.” Pam scrunched her nose, not wanting to imagine how Jan might go about doing just that.

 

“I’ll be in touch.”

 

Pam hung up and exhaled as though she’d been holding her breath for months. She supposed in a way, she had been. Her eyes once again shifted to the nape of Jim’s neck. It was a habit she couldn’t quite break. She’d long given up the hope that his eyes would be staring back at her instead of the exposed flesh between his starched white collar and his neatly trimmed hair. Yet still she persisted.

 

It was the definition of insanity, she deduced with a heavy heart.

 

She had taken for granted so much the connection they used to share. Even now, referring to them as past tense made her insides ache. She used to think that there was nothing worse than actually helping him move on, giving him advice and pushing closer to another woman. A woman who had never hurt him the way she had. A woman that seemed to make him happy.

 

But watching it from the sidelines was unbearable. To be delegated to just a co-worker, to a past crush, to ‘just a kiss’ one night…

 

She knew getting back together with Roy was the death knoll for them. He hadn’t looked at her the same way since, when he even looked at her at all.

 

It was her unforgivable mistake to him, it seemed, which was the cruelest sort of irony because it had been exactly what Pam had needed most.

 

Being back in Roy’s arms had felt safe and familiar, but it didn’t squelch her loneliness. When she sat next to him on the couch as he flipped through her drawings with glazed over eyes, when she kissed him goodnight after his insipid ‘your art was the prettiest of all the art’, when her smile fell as he proclaimed to know everything about her that night at Poor Richards…she knew she had moved beyond him. There was no going back. There was only moving forward.

 

She watched Jim take a sip of his bottled water, his buttoned cuffs straining at his wrist. He had evolved. He wasn’t her Jim anymore. He wasn’t hers to make up words with, or IM sexually harassing emoticons, or giggle with over pranks.

 

He was never hers, which made her possessiveness of him all the more unfair.

 

She knew she had to let him go. Not just for him, but for herself. Holding on would ensure that she would be forever standing still, watching and waiting and dying inside, little by little. She was tired of hurting just to feel something. She was tired of using pain to numb the numbness. She was just tired, period.

 

“Pam.”  

 

Her thoughts were shattered by the sound of her name, said with such anger and hurt, with a hint of barely restrained tears. Michael was going to take this the hardest of all, she realized with a sudden jolt of affection.

 

“My office. Now.”

 

His door shut softly, a stark contradiction to the emotions raging on his face.

 

She ignored Jim’s curious glance as she got up and let herself inside the office, only meeting his eyes briefly when she turned to close the blinds.

 

“I just spoke to Jan. She said that you hate us and want to quit.” His face was lined with indignation.

 

Pam sighed. “She didn’t say that, Michael.”

 

“Well, she may as well have!” He snapped.

 

She moved a chair behind his desk and sat down beside him.

 

“I don’t hate you. I don’t hate this company. And I’m not quitting.”

 

“You’re leaving us.”

 

Pam nodded. “Jan offered me an internship in graphic design. You know how much I love art, Michael. And you know how much I love Dunder Mifflin. The framed picture on the wall outside should tell you that much. This way, I get to do both.”

 

His eyes softened and he put his hand over hers. “This is your dream, isn’t it?”

 

She smiled. “It is.”

 

“You need this, don’t you?”

 

Her lips trembled. “I do.”

 

“And you’ll be back?”

 

“I’ll be back.”

 

Michael nodded. “I am proud of you. I meant it that night, at your show. I don’t want to stand in your way. My motto on dreams is to never, ever, ever give up.” He paused and closed his eyes, obviously struggling. “You have my blessing.”

 

“Thank you. For understanding.” She reached out and attempted to give him an awkward hug.

 

“You know...We can probably still see each other.” Michael brightened, the wheels spinning in his head showing in his rapid eye movements. “I’m doing Jan, you know?”

 

“I know.”

Pam left the office and closed the door with an inaudible click. She glanced around the office with a small smile. Everyone had their place. Ryan on the phone, writing furiously as he made his first sale. Angela with her eyes narrowed as she watched Kevin work, like a protective mother. Oscar as he watered his plant lovingly.

 

Everyone belonged.

 

She just didn’t anymore.

 

 It's a blessing in disguise. Actually, not even in disguise. Sometimes at home, I answer the phone 'Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.' So, maybe that'll stop now.


Petty is the author of 6 other stories.
This story is a favorite of 5 members. Members who liked Fancy New Indeed also liked 205 other stories.


You must login (register) to review or leave jellybeans