Pam took a deep breath and made her way across the frosty parking lot, taking into account that Michael , Phyllis and Kevin were already inside. She thought briefly about getting back into her small car and driving away instead of enduring work today. She could go to Philadelphia for the day, maybe go visit her mother. Anything to pretend this day wasn’t what it was.

It was Valentine’s Day. Pam could only imagine the awkward pauses, the painful silences that awaited her. She’d attempted taunting herself with reverse psychology at home, muttering to herself things like, “Oh good, call in sick. He won’t notice anyway. He doesn’t even look at you. As long as someone has candy out on their desk, it doesn’t matter if you’re there, does it?” It turns out reverse psychology doesn’t work on oneself, and she merely felt crazy for doing it in the first place.

As she stepped inside to the warmth of the building, she heard a car pull into the parking lot and turned to see who was arriving. Her stomach flipped the tiniest bit when she realize it was Roy. She moved rapidly inward to the elevator, hoping he hadn’t seen her. He had.

“Pam,” he called out breathlessly, trudging after her. “Wait up!”

Pam stopped, inches away from the Elevator of Salvation and turned toward him. “Hey, Roy.”

“Hey.” He just stared at her for a moment, catching his breath. “Happy Valentine’s Day.”

“You too,” she answered tightly, reaching behind herself to press the ‘up’ button. She gave him a tight smile, which wasn’t really a smile at all.

“You… look nice today,” he continued, stepping close to her, She bit her lip nervously. The truth was, Pam knew she looked good today. She had decided to wear the red silky shirt she’d bought online all those months ago, rationalizing that it was very festive. She’d paired it with a black skirt and gone the extra mile and curled her hair, pulling it into a mid-height ponytail. What made her nervous was the fact that, no matter how much she pretended she wasn’t, she was dressed this way for another man.

“Thanks,” she answered, willing the slowest elevator in the world at arrive ten seconds ago. It was then that she noticed who had arrived in the parking lot and was making his way toward the door. Roy had unfortunately not noticed.

“Hey, so do you want to maybe grab dinner tonight?” As he said it, Jim stepped into the lobby of the building, carrying his messenger bag plus a gym bag. He locked eyes with Pam for a split second, hurt completely masked with disinterest a moment later.

“Hey, Halpert.” Roy called to the paper salesman. Jim didn’t turn to acknowledge either of them.

“Hey”, he called back. He pressed the elevator button twelve times in rapid succession, in case its speed was based on how many times you called it.

Roy, clueless to the sensitivity of the situation, asked again. “Pam? Dinner?”

The elevator doors opened and Jim entered, holding the door for her without asking. Pam had never felt so relieved.

“Um, I don’t think so, Roy.” As she said it, she could see the bearded man’s face fall. “I just- I have a project I have to get done for class this weekend, so…”she lied, trailing off as she backed into the elevator. She brushed up against Jim’s outstretched arm and he immediately took it of the doorjamb.

“Okay, maybe some other time,” Roy said quietly as the doors closed. His sad face disappeared from view and the two elevator inhabitants were left to stare at their own reflections in the mirrored interior. Looking over at Jim, she realized he was making a conscious effort not to meet her eyes.

“Thank you for…holding the door”, she belatedly said. He just nodded, looking down at his shoes. Pam allowed her gaze to linger on him longer than she should have. He was standing a foot away from her, and here she was ogling him. Instead, she looked down at her hands, clasped awkwardly in front of her.

“New shirt?” he asked casually. Pam bit the inside of her cheek to keep a smile off her face.

“Yep”, she answered as flatly as she could.

The elevator opened and he stepped out, calling over his shoulder, “It looks nice.”

Knowing he couldn’t see her now, Pam allowed a grin to overtake her face and followed him into the office.

***

The Sexual Harassment seminar they had to sit though this morning after Michael had given Ryan a pair of edible underwear seemed longer than normal. Toby’s voice, usually a welcome change from Michael’s, was sleep-inducing. When they finally were dismissed, after giving Toby a polite round of applause, everyone filed out of the conference room. Pam headed straight to the ladies room, having held her bladder since about three sentences into the meeting.

Stepping out of the stall and up to a sink. Pam took in her reflection. Her hair still looked good, not flat yet. She wished she’d brought her lip-gloss in with her. Everyone had taken notice of appearance today, even Toby, who mumbled something self-consciously to her as she walked past him that morning on the way to coffee maker. Kelly, Phyllis, Kevin and Oscar had all made points of coming over to her desk to let her know they thought she looked good today. Their compliments ranged from polite (‘You look nice’) to overly exited (‘You look amazing!’) to downright inappropriate (Kevin’s muttering about how ‘hot’ she was).

The only person who hadn’t made an overt comment was Jim. Other than his generic compliment about her new shirt, he hadn’t even looked at her all morning. Even when she sat right across the table from him in the meeting, his eyes never once met hers. Now, staring at herself in the mirror, Pam could feel her confidence waning. What was the point of going through all this work to make herself look good if he wasn’t even going to notice?

Somewhat sullenly, she left the bathroom and made her way over to her desk. There, next to her mouse pad, sat a single Hershey’s kiss. Next to it, a small piece of cardstock with the words ‘Happy Valentine’s Day’ typed out across it. She smiled slightly, popping it into her mouth, grateful to Oscar for making a point of letting her feel left out. It wasn’t a moment too soon either, because that very second, the door flew open and in came a deliveryman holding a vase of two dozen red roses. Pam signed the carried the base over to Phyllis’s desk.

“Here ya go, Phyllis,” she said amiably. After all, it wasn’t Phyllis’s fault she had a great fiancé, was it? Pam idly wondered whether or not Bob Vance had a brother. As she turned to go back to desk, she saw Jim’s eye snap back down to the report he was working on. She looked at him for a moment, but realizing he wasn’t going to look back up at her, she went back to her desk.

There were three kisses on her desk. Lined up on the tow row of her keyboard. Now she was slightly bemused. Had they been there before? Sitting down at her desk, she picked them up and deposited them into her purse. She stood to do the shredding. She’d thought ahead enough to save it for today, in case she was feeling particularly violent. When Pam finished, she turned to see Kelly standing at the counter, a mischievous look on her face. Pam watched as the Indian woman stole a few jellybeans, still smiling.

“What?” Pam asked warily.

“Nothing”, Kelly answered. “Hey, what are you doing tonight? You wanna come out with me and Ryan?”

Pam just stared at her for a moment. “Isn’t it your anniversary?”

“No, that was last night, and oh my God, it was so great!” Kelly proceed to fill Pam in on every detail of her previous date with Ryan. Pam felt relief flow through her. Not only had Kelly moved on to other things than convincing Pam to go out with them, but also the strange moment where she’d felt like the butt of a joke was over.

“Well, let me know about tonight, okay? Ryan has this hot friend that we could totally set you up with.” Kelly bounced away, winking at Pam conspiratorially.

Pam sat back down at her desk and finally noticed them. Seven this time, in a V-shape. At the apex sat another small card.

Typed across it was the word ‘One’.

***

Pam sat in the break room, absent-mindedly stirring her yogurt as she read a six-month old copy of ‘Good Housekeeping’. Her mind wasn’t really on the magazine though. It was on the prank that was obviously being played on her. Since the initial eleven, she’d received forty-four more, sixteen then twenty-eight. She’d also gotten another card, this one reading simply ‘Missed’.

She’d put the card next to each other, and then reversed them, so it read ‘Missed One’. Pam had spent the next six minutes looking for a single lost kiss, finally giving up. Her mind was consumed with who could possibly be doing this. Her initial guess was Jim, putting her hope on the front burner and turning the gas on. As she sat with the thought though, she sadly knew it couldn’t be him. Jim had not glanced her way once all day, or at least not when she was looking. A couple times she had looked up to see him glancing down, but that had been the case for over three years by now.

Now she sat, alone as usual, reading about what Diane Keaton thought of organic gardening. The door swung open and Toby came in, smiling shyly.

“Can I sit here?” he asked. Pam smiled and nodded at the man. He sat and pulled out his lunch, glancing up at her surreptitiously every once and a while. “Are you okay?” he asked after a few minutes. “You seem kinda distracted today.”

Pam tried not to look too startled. Had he been watching her this morning? Maybe to catch her reaction to the chocolate he was giving her? Before Pam had a chance to answer, the door swung open and Jim entered, carrying his brown paper bag. He looked from Toby to Pam. “Am I interrupted something?” He asked dully.

“No!” Pam said way too vehemently. Toby gave her a strange look and more casually noted that, no, Jim was welcome to sit here with them. He did, pulling out his ham and cheese sandwich. He looked at Pam blankly for a moment before focusing all of his attention on his lunch. The three of them simply sat there, eating their lunch for several minutes. When Pam finally couldn’t take it anymore, she got up to leave. As she was throwing her garbage away, Toby caught her attention again.

“Pam, you did something new with your hair.” He was smiling appreciatively at her. Pam unconsciously drew a hand up and ran it through the curls.

“Um, yeah. Just trying something new I guess.” She smiled warmly at the older man.

“It looks good.” Toby added. “Doesn’t it, Jim?” Pam could suddenly hear her heart beating in her throat. The tall man looked up from his Doritos and shrugged sort of non-commitally.

“I kind of like the natural look, I guess.” He gave her a tight smile and went back to reading about how Renee Zellwegger spends too much on facial treatments.

Pam tried not to let it affect her, but she knew the smile she’d had on her face had completely slid off with his comment. Squaring her shoulders, she strode back to her desk. She pulled back her chair and there, on the cushion sat, after counting, thirty-four more kisses.

The note read ’Each’.

***

Michael called her into the office for one of his long-winded recitations on how love was a beautiful thing, and how he hoped she was as lucky as he was to have Jan. Pam didn’t care enough to mention that he did in fact not have Jan.

When she stepped wearily out of his office, she felt eyes trained on her. Jim sat on the edge of Phyllis’s desk, whispering to her. The older woman smiled at Pam, Jim didn’t look at her. Pam gave Phyllis a half-hearted smile and returned to her desk, where another delivery man was arriving, this time with what appeared to be a box of truffles. She took them over to Phyllis, plopping them down unceremoniously. As she neared the other woman’s desk, Jim got up and ambled away, hands in his pockets. Pam walked back to her own desk, willing the tears in her eyes not to fall.

Scattered across her work area were kisses. She counted as she collected them by the handful, placing them in a plastic shopping bag. Eighty-three. This was getting to the point of being ridiculous she realized, but Pam was feeling so defeated that she actually was enjoying the attention. She decided that as long as someone was playing this game, she’d play along. Under the last little pile she picked up, she found the note. This one caused butterflies to fill her stomach.

‘We’.

Could it be Roy? ’No,’ she rationalized, actually shaking her head. ’He works downstairs and this is too clever for him to have thought of it. It also requires a lot of energy’. Pam noted silently, promising to congratulate whomever was punking her on a job well done.

The door opened yet again and this time it was for Oscar, a small cactus from Gil. She walked it over to his desk. He looked up and gave her a strange smile. “It’s from Gil,” she said without needing to. Oscar just nodded, ignoring Angela’s death glare. Pam just stood there, not knowing what she wanted to say. “Is it you?” She finally asked quietly, leaning down toward the Hispanic man slightly. His head swiveled toward her and he gave her a goofy grin.

“Is what me?” he asked. Angela actually made a noise this time, so Pam straightened up, looking warily at Oscar once more before stepping over to reception. This time, the kisses were lined up across the top counter, encompassing the jellybean container, the phone message rack. She stopped dead and looked around the office. No one seemed to be looking up except for Creed, who winked at her. She shuddered and approached Jim. Even though she would bet a good deal of money he wasn’t doing it, he would still have seen who was right? She tapped him lightly on the shoulder.

“Jim”, she said softly.

“Excuse me”, he said into the receiver of his phone and turned toward her, covering the mouthpiece. He looked slightly perturbed and very anxious. Pam couldn’t believe she’d missed the fact that he was in the middle of a sales call. She could have sworn he wasn’t talking a moment ago.

“Oh, sorry!” she exclaimed quietly, wincing at him. “Never mind.” He gave her a look that told her he thought she was crazy and went back to listing card stock prices to someone. Pam went about the arduous work of once again removing any trace of chocolate from her workspace.

One hundred fifty-two. No note this time though. Pam realized she was really quite disappointed by that. She’d lined them up next to her telephone and had spent some time staring at them. ‘One’ ‘Missed’ ‘Each’ ‘We’. It didn’t make any sense, but the excitement was building in her steadily.

“Pam,” Michael said giddily, practically skipping over to her. “Did you get the gift I left on your desk?”

Pam felt like he’d thrown cold water on her. There was no way Michael was the one behind this, was there? The very idea broke her heart. She now knew without a shadow of a doubt that unless it was Jim behind it, she was going to be bitterly disappointed. Glancing at him she noticed he was in the middle of antagonizing Dwight.

“Um, what did you get me?” she asked, forcing her attention to her boss.

“The chocolate,” he said simply, leaning over her desk.

‘No no no. It couldn’t be him. Please, God’. She thought desperately.

“Here,” he said, reaching over and grabbing a Snickers that had been placed next to her pencil cup. Relief flooded through her and she smiled at him.

“Thanks, Michael.” She said genuinely.

“Also, this,” he said, pulling a bottle out of his pocket. “It’s cinnamon massage oil. Makes for a good time”, he said, winking at her as he walked away. She merely stared at the bottle for a second, and then deposited it in the trashcan next to her knee.

“Kelly Kapoor?” Pam’s eyes darted up to the deliveryman standing before her with a bouquet of daisies. Pam smiled at him and made the trek back to Kelly’s desk, where the customer service rep felt the need to explain to Pam all the virtues of Ryan.

Pam escaped ten minutes later, feeling like she knew way too much about the young man whose desk she passed. Jim was not at his desk, but she wasn’t sure what she should make of it, if anything. She noticed that the top of the counter was still clear, but when she walked around to sit, she realized she couldn’t. Kisses covered the carpet behind the reception area. Hundreds of them, placed in neat rows. The row closest to her feet had a card balanced on it.

It read ‘Have’.

***

After enlisting Phyllis to help her pick up the small pieces of confection, she sat back down and got out a calculator. Quickly adding the amount of this latest delivery, three hundred seventy- one, to the amount she’d already received, she came to a grand total of six hundred ninety-five. Realizing that number meant absolutely nothing to her, she got to work on the faxes for the day. She stayed at her desk as long as she could, watching everyone to see if they looked up.

No one did.

She finally got up and went to the fax machine, turning her back to everyone. She was ready to turn if she heard the slightest movement. The fax machine kicked on, sending paper after paper through. She heard a slight scuffle behind her and saw Jim reaching over reception, picking up the phone message rack, he’d apparently knocked off the counter. He smiled amiably at her, grabbed a handful of jellybeans and sauntered the few feet back to his desk. She kept her eyes trained on him, watching the planes of his back move gracefully under his shirt. She’d spent months staring at those shoulders, willing him to turn around and smile at her. He hadn’t, at least not like he used to. He had made a point of being politely detached.

For the past two weeks, Pam had been trying to work up the courage to ask what had happened with Karen. So far, she had not been successful, always catching him at a bad time or not having the guts to go through with the question. She’d emailed Karen once, right after she’d left, wanting to know what the deal was, but the only response was brief, stating that she was sure Pam would find out soon, know how the branch operated.

Pam did miss the brunette, if for no other reason than it tied her to Jim in a way they couldn’t reach on their own these days. Sighing, Pam finished the faxes and went back to her desk. The phone rang and Pam reached for it.

“Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam”, she said. She transferred the call to Meredith and hung up. It was then that she saw them. Her car keys sat next to her message pad. She saw sure she’d put them in her purse this morning when she’d arrived. Shaking, she put them in her purse now and looked at the clock. Only an hour to go.

“Hey, Pam.” Kevin said, approaching the copier.

“Hey, Kev.” She answered, not looking up from her game of solitaire.

“Since it’s Valentine’s Day, you should put out chocolate instead of jellybeans. Do you have any chocolate?” He was valiantly trying not to giggle and now Pam was completely dumbfounded. How could Kevin…? Without thinking, she reached into her purse and produced three kisses and handed them to the balding man. “Thanks, Pam.” He put one in his mouth. “Did I mention how hot you look today?”

“Yes,” she replied curtly. He just stared at her for a moment longer.

“Cause you do.” He added.

“Thank you,” she said dismissively. At this, Jim got up from his seat and came over to reception, resting his arms on the counter. Kevin left without another word.

“Hey”, he said, grabbing a jellybean.

“Hey,” she answered, careful to keep her tone light. He had burned her several times today already.

“So, whatcha doing tonight? Big plans?” He asked it so nonchalantly she was sure he was hiding something. Maybe this was it.

“No,” she answered immediately. Jim raised his eyebrows at her. Chuckling, she continued. “Just, uh…Stouffer’s lasagna and a Lifetime movie. You?”

“Hey, I thought you had plans with Roy.” He had completely ignored her question and instead brought up her ex-fiancé. What was going on here?

“No,” she said slowly, as if talking to a small child. “You were standing there when I turned him down this morning.”

“Oh, I guess I wasn’t really paying attention.” She felt a stab of pain in her abdomen. She left like ripping her hair out of its ponytail right here in front of him, slipping her gray cardigan over her shoulders.

‘Game over’, she thought to herself, looking away from her to her computer screen. “Oh”, was all she said out loud.

“I actually have a date,” he said, finally answering her question from minutes before. Pam could actually feel her heart break for the twelve thousandth time. He stood there; Pam knew he was waiting for a reaction. She wasn’t going to give him the satisfaction. She only grunted vaguely, putting a red six on a black seven.

“Yeah, she’s pretty great,” he continued. Pam stared up at him, completely flabbergasted. He was actually shoving it right in her face. He might as well get on his desk and yell out to everyone, ‘Even though she turned me down, I can still get tail, let me prove it!’

Pam could feel the tears filling her eyes and she blinked rapidly, wishing they would disappear. Or that she could, she wasn’t picky. Jim’s demeanor shifted then, and he leaned down toward her.

“Pam,” he said so tenderly she couldn’t hold onto the small sob that escaped her throat. “Pam”, he tried again.

“Party time, people!” Michael announced from the conference room doorway. Angela stood behind him, looking toward everybody disapprovingly. Ignoring Jim, Pam stood and made her way to the conference room. She spent the entire length of the party in a one-sided conversation with Kelly, who had wrapped herself around Ryan. Pam knew very well that Jim would not try to approach her, for fear of getting sucked into the Kelly Vortex.

Forty-five minutes and two hard cookies later, the party started breaking up, as people put on their jackets and gathered their belongings. Pam walked over to her desk, grabbing her coat and carefully picking up the small cards she’d been given throughout the day, putting them in her pocket. Jim came over to grab his coat and Pam turned her back to him, busying herself with nothing.

“Night, Beesley,” he said, knocking the counter twice before leaving.

“Yeah,” she said softly to no one. She waited until everyone else had left, watching Phyllis once again struggle out with all of her gifts. When she was finally sure the parking lot would be cleared, she left.

Pam felt the tears sting her eyes in the cold air and wiped them away furiously. Today had been a waste of her time. Not only did she spend the day as the victim of some weird prank, but also the one person she had wanted to talk to had blown her off and purposely hurt her feelings. She was so busy feeling sorry for herself that she almost didn’t notice what had happened to her car.

There was a handful of kisses on the trunk of her car, several balancing on the bumper, and many scattered on the ground underneath. Pam didn’t bother counting them, or even picking them up. She got into the car and started it. Now giving it chance to warm up, she threw it into reverse, smashing chocolate all over the asphalt. She pulled out of the parking lot and finally gave into full hiccupping sobs.

***

After warming up some soup for dinner, Pam stepped under the hot spray of the showerhead, washing her hair twice to get all of the product out of it. She stood under the water, wondering how she managed to do this to herself again.

Once out of the shower, Pam ran a comb through her hair and decided to let it dry naturally. She threw on a pair of old jeans and a well-worn ‘Blues Traveler’ t-shirt. She had class in the city in the morning, and she still had to load all her work into her trunk. Pam had learned it was easier the night before than in the morning. Grabbing her canvases and placing them in her large carrying case, she made her way out to her car again.

One Hershey’s kiss still miraculously balanced on the bumper. Smiling ironically, she slipped it into her mouth and opened her trunk. She heart leapt and her jaw tightened. There, nestled in her trunk, were thousands of small morsels. They filled the trunk. Pam had no idea what to do. Take them all out? What would she do with them? Then, the trunk light turned on belatedly and she saw the card.

‘For’.

She stared at it for a long time, not sure what any of it meant. Then remembering, she sprung into action, slamming the trunk shut on her way back into the apartment. She hefted her portfolio like it was nothing and practically ran to her closet. Reaching into her pocket, she pulled out the other notes. She took them all over to the coffee table and laid them out. ‘One Missed Each We Have For’. She looked at them for a minute, and then slowly, cautiously re-arranged them.

She sat there, not really believing what she saw. ‘One For Each We Have Missed’. She couldn’t let herself really thing that…could she? She thought back to the events of the day. Jim at Phyllis’s desk, Jim talking to Toby in the lunch room after she’d left. Kevin leaving the reception area when Jim had approached. Jim, leaning over the reception desk.

Dropping her keys back off?

Without letting herself think about it one more moment, she jumped up and ran back out to her car. She got in it and peeled out of her parking lot. She drove as quickly as she could, knowing exactly where to go despite the fact that she’d only been there once before. Pulling up in front of his house, she was thrilled to see his car parked there.

She knocked on the door loudly and heard a scuffle inside. He opened the door and looked at her, confusion on her face. She realized she may very well be crazy, standing on his doorstep in a holey t-shirt and frizzy hair, about to accuse him of something he might have had nothing to do with. It could have just as easily been Kevin or Toby or Creed messing with her head.

“Pam?” he asked, looking at her concernedly.

“Jim” she began, clasping her hands nervously in front of her. She really had no idea what she was going to say to him. “When you left in May, you turned my life upside down. I didn’t realize what a huge part of my life you were until you weren’t there. You were my whole life. Are my whole life.” She took a deep breath and looked at him carefully. He bit his lower lip, frowning slightly. Stealing herself, she continued. “There was never a moment in our entire relationship you misinterpreted, Jim. I was just… I was scared that the thing I thought I’d wanted since high school wasn’t want I really wanted at all.” She tucked her wild hair behind her ears, crossing her arms over her chest, wishing she’d thought to grab a coat. “I just needed you to know that I…” She felt the tears starting to run down her cheeks and ignored them. “I am in love with you,” she whispered desperately. She closed her eyes momentarily, and when she opened them, she saw Jim’s lip trembling slightly. “I know it took me too long and I was stupid, but I love you. And I’d like to start proving it to you right now.” She held up her hand, revealing a single silver-wrapped kiss. He just stared at her. Seconds drug by.

Pam felt like she’d been run over suddenly, wishing the ground would swallow her whole. “It wasn’t you,” she said needlessly. Of course it wasn’t him. “I’m sorry, I just…I’m gonna…” And with that, she turned and practically sprinted off his doorstep.

“Hey!” he shouted, walking after her. “Don’t bogart the dark ones.”

Pam stopped and turned around. He kept walking evenly toward her, hands in his pockets. “Huh?” she said eloquently.

“I’m saying I don’t like the plain ones, and I know for a fact that you have about four thousand dark chocolate ones in your trunk there, Beesley.” He finally let a hint of a smile slip onto his face.

“Jim?” she asked, her voice wavering.

“Where’s my kiss?” he asked, stopping a foot away from her. He raised his eyebrows at her. She flung herself at him, wrapping her arms around his neck and pulling him down to kiss him. His hands slipped around her waist, pulling her closer. She reveled in it, letting her fingers slide into his hair. She pulled away, moving her hands down his forearms. His hands held tight to her waist, causing her to stay pressed against him.

“I actually did mean a piece of chocolate. That was a little forward of you, Beesley.” He joked, letting one hand brush her wild frizzy hair away from her face. “Definitely prefer the natural look.”

“I love you, Jim.” She said, placing her palms against his sturdy chest. His eyes suddenly looked wet, and he had to swallow a few times before he could speak.

“I am so in love with you.” His voice had a choked tone to it. He gently tilted her chin up toward his descending mouth.

“Oh, I have to-” Pam said, motioning toward her car.

“S’okay, you can pay me back later,” he said, kissing her again.

***