Chapter Two

He hears himself saying the words and he knows he’s a liar.

“I just needed you to know…once…”

If once was enough he wouldn’t have tried so many times before to say it. Try to make her feel it. But he kept holding back because he wasn’t that type of guy.

He wasn’t the guy you couldn’t trust with your girlfriend. That wasn’t him.

But when he blatantly saw how another guy treated his girlfriend so carelessly, Jim couldn’t help but think he sort of deserved it. It doesn’t even seem like he cares at all.

“Man, I would be all over that if I wasn't dating Pam.” Roy says, completely oblivious to the fact that she’s sitting beside him.

The look on her face makes his heart hurt. “We're not dating, we're engaged.”

When he thinks back to why he ever went out with Katy if he’s being honest he’d admit that part of it was because Roy had expressed interest. It only seemed fair. Roy was the one person who had something he himself wanted. It stood to reason that maybe a part of him wanted to have something over him for once.

He knew he was a sucker. It didn’t take long for him to fall head over heels. She laughed once and one day he woke up and he realized he liked the sound. Suddenly he found himself trying anything he could to make her laugh again.

C’mom Pam. Want something else. Want something more…

There was a smile she got sometimes, and he liked to think the smile was meant for him and him alone. He wasn’t entirely convinced that it wasn’t.

“JIM.” She says, trying to suppress her laughter. “You have to see what Dwight is wearing today.”

He turns around in his chair and watches as Dwight hangs up his raincoat. “No.” He shakes his head.

“YES.” Her eyes fly open wide.

“Dwight.” Jim nods his head and bites his lip as he swivels in his chair. “Where have you been this morning? You’ve got work to do don’t you?”

“I do more before 6 am than you do in a day.” He answers curtly trying to look as authoritative as one can look wearing lederhosen.

Pam has toplace a hand over her mouth to keep from giggling.

“Have you joined the army? Because…if that’s the case…I think you are out of uniform.”

Giving Jim a disgusted look he pulls out his chair and sinks into it.

“Hey, Dwight? Tell me something. Are the hills alive…with the sound of music?”

And with that she laughs. And when she laughs…there's nothing else.

She could really make a living simply drawing. He’s no art critic but even to his untrained eye he knows she’s got talent. And when he sees her waste it, when he sees Roy holding her back, holding her down – it’s sometimes more than he can take.

“I’m fine with my choices.”

He knows her. He knows her so well. She’s not fine. He knows she’s not.

C’mom Pam. Want something else. Want something more…

He can tell when he looks at her first thing in the morning. She doesn’t usually say it but he’s pretty sure when she looks like that Roy hasn’t been home. And he doesn’t understand why she puts up with it but he’s not sure it’s his place to tell her. So it’s on days like those that he tries to do a little something to make her feel better.

“It’s peppermint. ‘Cause, read an article recently and I do believe it’s OK to serve peppermint even after Christmas.”

She smiles as she brings the mug to her lips. “You didn’t have to do that.”

“Oh don’t worry, I did it more for me than for you.” He sighs and sifts through the jellybeans. “I have a confession to make…”

“What?” She looks at him nervously.

“I’ve always had a thing for Swiss Miss. I mean have you seen her? The braids, the yodeling? C’mon. She’s totally hot.”

“Hate to break it to you but I’m pretty sure she’s out of your league Halpert.” She laughs back at him. “And anyways, if she was here today she’d certainly go after Dwight.”

He regards her closely and gives her a nod. “Hmm. Pam. You have a point.”

She wasn’t perfect, he knew. She had a quick temper and was prone to pouting. And sometimes he thinks that he hurts her because he knows that he can. Sometimes it makes him say something incredibly asinine. And as the words leave his mouth he wants to hang himself.

“At least I didn’t leave you at a high school hockey game…”

He keeps thinking she’ll change her mind – that she’ll see it for herself. Because he’s not the one who makes this complicated. She has the choices to make.

Tipsy and irresistible she kisses him like it’s no big deal. He knows that it’s partially because she's had a few too many and she’s mad at Roy but even so his stomach does a full somersault and his knees begin to shake.

She stares up at him in the parking lot and he thinks this might be it…

C’mom Pam. Want something else. Want something more…

But she catches the camera and another moment is gone.

“It’s not really a date if the girl goes home to her fiancé. Right?”

He knows what it would be like to be without her. The week she takes off for vacation is torturous. A day having to share the same space with her and not sit across from her is in a way a thousand times worse.

It’s in desperation that he calls a woman he’s barely said two words to for a date. He leaves his voicemail half full for a week just so he can hear her say, over and over…

Sudoku. Level: Moderate. Time: Eighteen minutes. Suck on that, Halpert.

He catches her looking at him sometimes. He senses her aggravation when the girls he’s dated have called. But she the one who’s got a ring on her finger. If he really had a choice he know who he'd choose in a second.

If it was up to him…but...it's not.

He’s out on the deck of the boat and it’s cold and it’s weird because his so-called girlfriend and her so-called fiancé are spending almost every moment together inside.

And he should have said something then. He should have told her then. But they were out in the middle of a lake and if it went badly there’d be no place to go and hide.

“Never, ever, ever give up.”

He almost does. He tries to. He dates other women, he books a trip to Australia and he interviews for a transfer. But then there’s that night, where she looks, incredible and her smile's…incredible and he’s thinking that he needs to tell her the truth – that he’ll be leaving while she’s on her honeymoon.

“You have no idea…what your friendship means to me…”

It cuts him to the core, the sound of her voice trying to let him down easy and he’s so incredibly sad, sad for him and sad for her, that she’ll go all in with her poker chips but play it safe with her own life. She’s gambling the wrong way and it makes him so sad that a tear falls before he can stop it.

“He’s my best friend…”

“Yeah. I think I am.”

And he was simply going to pack up his desk – to take that transfer sooner rather than later. But she’s there and she’s...beautiful and there’s a voice screaming louder than it ever has before.

C’mom Pam. Want something else. Want something more…

His arm curls around her, her body sways against his and her hands are in his hair and he thinks he hears it then. He thinks maybe she’s finally changed her mind.

C’mom Pam. Want something else.

Want something more…