Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

***

She was crying. Massive tears fell freely from her eyes and onto the pillow that her face was buried in. Her shoulders heaved with heavy sobs.

She had no idea why she was crying. If someone had asked her what was wrong, she wouldn’t have been able to say. All she knew is that she was sad - very, very sad.

Her pillow was nearly soaked through with tears when she finally realized he was lying beside her. He was sidled up to her, warming her with his naked body. His hands caressed her gently, glided slowly over her shoulders and arms, down to her hands. He interlaced his fingers with hers. She was no longer crying and she butted herself closer against him as he began to kiss her neck. Her sorrow turned quickly to desire and a familiar ache burned her thighs and lower belly as he got closer and closer to her.

It was when he was almost there, exactly where she wanted to feel him, that she heard the faint chords of music. She didn’t know where it was coming from but it was growing steadily louder. She rolled over to ask him if he heard it too, but was greeted with an empty pillow and cold bed.

***

Pam’s eyes popped open as the clock radio on her nightstand rudely beckoned her awake, blinking the ungodly hour of 4:00AM. She groaned and hit the off button with a little more force than was necessary. She felt groggy, and frustrated. Jim had been frequenting her dreams often lately, but she always seemed to wake before “it” could happen.

She yawned and pulled her bathrobe on, debating weather or not she really wanted to get out of bed. Pam would normally never wake up this early, especially not on a Saturday. But, today, her favorite art teacher, the eccentric Professor Tom as all the students called him, had arranged a field trip. They were going to a secluded lake that was about thirty minutes outside of Scranton to watch the sunrise. Tom had said it was one of the most beautiful and inspiring places in all of Pennsylvania. Pam was desperately hoping that was true. The past few months had left her feeling anything but inspired and it was reflecting in her art work. No matter what she tried, she just couldn’t seem to paint or draw anything more exciting than flowers in vases or office equipment. There was only one painting she had done in the past few months that she was really proud of. It was a watercolor of a cat curled up on a pink chenille sweater, sleeping under a window. Pam had done the painting on a day when Jim had complimented her on the new sweater she was wearing. It was a small thing, a remark he’d made in passing before leaving for the day with Karen, but it had made her happy and the painting resulted from it. That painting had earned her the highest grade she’d received from a teacher that semester. A solid one-hundred percent.

Pam stumbled to the kitchen and made herself a strong cup of tea before returning to her bedroom to get dressed. She wasn’t going to bother showering at that time of morning. She doubted anyone else in her class was going to either. Besides, she hadn’t exactly worked up a sweat answering phones the day before.

Twenty minutes later, Pam was in her car following the directions Tom had emailed the class the day before. She snacked on a banana and sipped tea from a thermos as she passed the dark houses and empty storefronts. She was amazed at just how quiet Scranton was at 4:30 in the morning. She could’ve counted the number of other cars she passed on the road on one hand as she headed outside of town.

When she arrived at the lake a half-hour later, the palest shades of dawn were just starting to appear on the horizon. Pam parked her car in a dirt parking lot and began to gather her supplies, drowsily greeting her other classmates as they pulled up beside her. It was cool outside but not cold, so Pam wrapped herself in a light jacket and walked toward the edge of the lake with her easel, a blank canvas, and an art bag full of watercolors, pencils, brushes and other assorted supplies.

“Thank you all for getting up so early on a Saturday to meet me out here.” Tom said walking to the front of the group as they set up their work spaces. “I think you’ll find that it was well worth it.” A few of Pam’s classmates yawned and lazily shuffled their feet as Tom continued.

“Today is about using the beauty of nature to inspire your art. I want you all to watch the sunrise this morning. Use all your senses while you watch. Become aware not just of what you are seeing, but of what you are hearing, smelling and feeling as well. Let those sensations inspire you to create! Draw what the sunrise makes you think about or feel. There’s no time limit and you won’t be graded on your work. This experience is for you so make it your own. You are free to begin and end whenever you are ready.”

With that Tom walked to the edge of the group, sat down on a rock, and closed his eyes. A few of the classmates exchanged looks and chuckled at their eccentric teacher.

Pam turned her attention toward the horizon which was getting lighter as the sun slowly rose. Following her teacher’s advice, she inhaled deeply and became aware of the smell of moss on the shoreline, the pine trees that surrounded the secluded little lake, and the wild flowers that grew in little clumps in the grassy areas. Pam keened her ears and heard the pleasant chirping of the birds that were just starting to awaken, and the sound of the waves as they gently lapped the shore. She heard the breeze as it rustled the pine needles around her and she felt it send pleasant chills through her in the cool morning.

Pam wasn’t sure how long her eyes had been closed, but she opened them only when she felt warmth on her face. The sun had just crested the horizon. Pam watched as the sky turned various shades of blue and pink as the sun warmed her skin. The warmth felt so familiar to her.

A vivid, but somehow forgotten, memory suddenly came to her mind - a memory of another time she had heard the whisper of waves breaking the silence and her skin felt warm beneath her coat. That time, the waves were not lapping at a lake shore, but at the hull of ship, and the warmth she felt was not from the sun, but from the look in Jim’s eyes as he gazed at her in the starlight.

Pam gasped slightly as the image of Jim gazing at her with such love and affection flooded her mind. She remembered how she felt that night under his stare, her heart racing with confusion and a longing that she refused to acknowledge. She remembered how warm she felt looking into his eyes - warm like she felt now as the sun rose in front of her. She had told Jim she was cold that night to break the silence because his look was breaking her heart. Only now could she admit to herself that she had lied.

Pam raised a pencil to the blank canvas, the memory of Jim’s face fixed in her mind.

***

The sun had fully risen but was still low in the sky when Pam put down her pencil and looked at her finished drawing. Jim was there on the canvas, looking back at her, his gaze exactly like she remembered it, full of love and desire. Pam’s heart raced as she stared at her creation.

“Who is he?” Pam jumped at the sound of Tom’s voice. She hadn’t even noticed that he had been circulating among his students. Pam looked at him as he scrutinized her painting, a small, indiscernible smile on his lips.

“Oh, he’s a… friend. His name is Jim.” Pam replied.

Tom nodded and leaned closer to the drawing before turning his eyes on Pam.

“Does he always look at you like that?” He asked, a knowing expression on his face.

Pam’s eyes suddenly welled with tears and she quickly averted them from Tom’s.

“He used to.” She replied softly.

Tom nodded and placed a sympathetic hand on Pam’s shoulder.

“It’s really beautiful Pam. Maybe you should show it to him.” Tom gave her shoulder a quick encouraging squeeze before he walked over to another student, leaving Pam to consider what he had just said.

Show it to Jim? How can I? Pam thought to herself as she pulled out of the parking lot and made her way toward the highway an hour later. But a part of her couldn’t help wondering what Jim would say if he saw it. She wondered if he would recognize his own expression. Did he know that he looked at her that way? Would he remember the night he held Pam under that gaze for so long? Would he be angry at her for only now realizing, no, admitting, what that look had meant?

When Pam arrived at her apartment, she placed the picture on an easel in her living room and sat down on the sofa to look at it. Staring at the drawing, she had to admit that it was good. She had captured Jim’s eyes so perfectly that her heart skipped a beat when she thought about him looking at her like that. Pam’s eyes welled with tears again when she thought about that night on the booze cruise, standing alone on the boat deck with Jim, a longing in her chest that took everything she had to ignore.

Pam opened her eyes and allowed a tear to roll down her cheek as she recalled the other times she had seen that look on Jim’s face. She thought about seeing it the time she had “jinxed” Jim and then told him he could “tell her anything.” She thought about the time she had flipped through his yearbook while sitting on his bed, catching his gaze when she looked up to laugh. She thought about that fateful night last May - the night when he put everything on the line and said out loud what his eyes had been saying for so long, and her only response had been “I can’t.” After that night, the looks had disappeared. Jim had left, moved to a whole other state to get away from her, and when he finally came back, there was someone new. But when she thought about it, Pam realized that she could not recall ever seeing Jim look at Karen the way he used to look at her.

Pam wiped her cheeks with the sleeve of her sweatshirt and reached for the phone.

She knew what she had to do. She knew that Jim would continue to occupy her every thought, every dream, every sunrise for the rest of her life and she couldn’t keep pretending that he wouldn’t. Her hands shook as she dialed his phone number.

***

“Hello?” His voice sounded groggy. Pam was embarrassed when she looked at the clock and realized it was only 8:00 in the morning and had probably been asleep. For a brief moment, she wondered if Karen were lying beside him in his bed. That thought made her almost hang up the phone. She was about to click the end button on the receiver when she heard his voice again, this time sounding impatient.

“Helllooo?”

“Hi Jim, its Pam.” She said, hoping he couldn’t hear her voice shaking.

“Pam? Hey, what’s up? Is everything okay?” He quickly asked, concern seeping into his voice.

“Oh, yeah. Um, look I’m sorry I’m calling so early but I was hoping that you might be able to come by my apartment for a while today. I want… need to show you something.” Silence fell on the line and Pam held her breath and waited for his response, wondering if this had been a mistake.

“Yeah, sure.” Jim replied, obvious confusion reflected in his words. “Can you give me about an hour?”

“Yeah, okay. I’ll see you then. Bye Jim.” Pam replied. She hung up the phone and let out the breath she had been holding.

Pam got up from her sofa and walked over to the window. She pulled open the curtains and allowed the sunlight to pour into her living room. It was a beautiful day. The sky was clear and no clouds obstructed the rays that heated her small apartment. Pam hoped that the weather was a good omen of what was about to happen.

She was still standing beside the window, thinking about what she should say to Jim, how she should tell him about the picture, when she heard a soft knock on her door. Pam jumped, her attention turned to the drawing that was sitting so prominently in the middle of her living room. She knew she couldn’t just leave it like that for him to see the moment he walked in. Pam hurriedly grabbed an afghan off the sofa and threw it over the canvas before walking over to the door. She took a deep breath and with shaking hands, turned the knob.

Jim was standing there balancing two cups of coffee on a box of Dunkin’ Donuts.

“Morning Beesley! I brought breakfast.” He said a little more cheerfully than natural.

Pam smiled and gestured him into her apartment, taking the coffee from him as he walked through the door.

“Thanks. I’m really sorry I called you so early. I’ve been up since four this morning so I really had no idea what time it was.” Pam said, setting the Styrofoam coffee cups on her kitchen table. Jim set the box of donuts down beside them.

“What the hell were you doing up at Four?” Jim asked.

Pam smiled.

“Well, that’s kind of what I wanted to talk to you about.” Pam was sure her voice was shaking and by the expression on Jim’s face, she knew he could hear it.

Jim took a step toward Pam.

“Pam, what’s going on?” He asked. There was a look of genuine concern in his eyes which caused Pam to quickly avert hers, afraid that she would burst into tears if she looked at him. She knew she needed to calm down and muster her courage before showing him her work so she pulled out a chair at the table and gestured for him to sit.

“Let’s have a donut and some coffee first, okay?” She said taking the other chair, still not looking at him.

Jim reluctantly sat down opposite her. Pam opened the box of donuts and wasn’t surprised to see that, among the dozen assorted flavors, Jim had remembered to get two coconut dipped - her favorite. She felt a lump rising in her throat as she reached into the box and grabbed one, placing it on a napkin in front of her.

Jim was watching her. She knew that he could sense her discomfort and she was grateful when he broke the silence.

“So, this is the fancy new apartment huh?”

Pam nodded and smiled, still not sure she could speak without breaking down.

“It’s nice. Though, I gotta say, your kitchen is pretty small for being the only one.” He smiled at her.

Pam laughed, “Yeah, I think management said they are planning on installing a second one in the summer.”

In that moment, it was like old times. Things were easy and right between them again. They spent the next hour chatting about Michael and Jan, about Dwight’s latest shenanigans, about weather or not they could get Andy to freak out again and get him sent back to anger management. It wasn’t until the conversation lulled and an uncomfortable silence finally fell between them that Pam even remembered why she had asked Jim over in the first place.

Pam took a final swallow of coffee and looked at Jim, mustering the strength to speak.

“Listen, Jim, I asked you to come over because…well, I wanted to show you my latest drawing.”

“Oh, okay?” Jim replied thoroughly confused. He always liked seeing Pam’s art but she had never asked him to come over to view it before.

Pam silently rose from the kitchen table and walked over to the easel, her heart racing. Jim followed close behind her. She put a hand on the afghan and looked at Jim. She had no idea what to say. Everything she had thought of when she was standing at the window before he arrived was forgotten. So, without saying anything, Pam pulled the afghan away from the canvas.

She held her breath as she watched Jim’s face. His expression was at first completely shocked. But his face began to soften almost immediately and a familiar look came into his eyes.

After what felt to Pam like an eternity, Jim turned his eyes to her and spoke.

“Is this… I mean… when did?” He was struggling to find words.

“This morning.” Pam said, “We took a field trip to this beautiful little lake and watched the sunrise and I just… I just couldn’t stop thinking about how it reminded me of the way you look at me.”

Pam wondered if she sounded as cheesy to Jim as she did to herself. But Jim wasn’t laughing. In fact, his eyes were glistening with tears.

“The Booze Cruise?” He asked, fixing his gaze on her again, stopping her heart.

Pam nodded, this time not pulling her eyes away. “It’s the first time I remember seeing it...or, really noticing it.” She stuttered, her own eyes filling with tears.

Jim took a step towards Pam, fixing her with his gaze. The next moment, his lips were on hers, his arms pulling her close.

When Jim pulled away a few moments later and looked at Pam, she finally saw it again. It was the look he saved only for her, the look that warmed her like the sun at dawn after a long, cold night.

***

Soon after that morning, after Jim had delicately ended things with Karen, after Pam and Jim had shared a few long talks and romantic dinners, after they had taken the time to get to know each other all over again, Pam awoke on a Saturday morning and was again greeted with the sunrise. This time, she didn’t even have to get out of bed and open her curtains to see it.

The End