- Text Size +
Author's Chapter Notes:

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

This is what happens when all my friends leave, and I am forced to watch TNT movie marathons alone on a Saturday night.

 

Much thanks to edo518 for the beta!! I hope my first venture into Office fic doesn't leave you too depressed....Enjoy! ;)

She sat alone in her apartment, paralyzed. It hit her sometimes. The sadness that comes with knowing you have nowhere to go and no one to call. It was one of the things she hated most about living alone: the disconnect. She never knew what other people were doing, and she wasn’t one to pry into other people’s plans and then awkwardly invite herself along. This left her sitting home most nights wondering what to do until she finally got tired and could escape into sleep.

She padded into the living room and started looking through her small but respectable DVD collection. She had watched them all enough to perform each movie as a one-woman show. Maybe that that would pass the time, she thought sarcastically. She gave up on watching Dirty Dancing for the fortieth time and decided to see if anything was on TV. She knew there wouldn’t be, but the process took energy and time. Plus it helped keep her mind off the thoughts that came when she had nothing else to think about. What he was doing right now? Was he sitting alone, bored like her? She laughed bitterly. He was probably on a date or relaxing at home with her: laughing, joking, smiling - completely satisfied and happy.

She sank farther into the couch and let her eyes glaze over, pictures flashing in front of her but never reaching her. She mindlessly pressed the channel button until she realized she’d flipped through her 120 channels three times. She threw the remote down. It landed with a thud on top of her copy of The Time Traveler’s Wife, the bookmark peeking out, taunting her.

She’d started it four times, but given up in frustration each time, too depressed to continue. The book intrigued her, but she just couldn’t deal with reading about true love and lost time right now…or for the last 8 months.

She hated this person she had become: someone who moped around constantly, counting down the hours until she got to go home and be alone, but becoming unbelievably lonely once she got there. She kept thinking she wouldn’t be able to take it anymore. She told herself something had to change soon, because this empty gnawing feeling low in her stomach kept eating at her more and more. It was unbearable. She didn’t know how to get rid of that feeling, but she knew she couldn’t live with it much longer: hugging her pillow at night just to feel close to something, clutching her phone willing it to ring with an escape plan. Something was bound to change soon, or at least that’s what she told herself to get out of bed each morning. Today is the day something will happen. This is the last night I am going to feel like this.

She didn’t know why living had become so painful. Maybe it was that she hadn’t ever really been alone. She didn’t know how to function apart from someone. No, it wasn’t that. Her life was in better shape, on paper, than it ever had been. She was succeeding, surviving, on her own like she always knew she could. She was pursuing what she loved, finally…or was she?

She knew she couldn’t stay in her apartment again tonight. It was only 7:30, and she had already exhausted all avenues of entertainment available in her small apartment. She didn’t want to go out to eat alone. She had never been comfortable sitting alone in a restaurant. She had seen those people before and secretly pitied them. She didn’t want to be pitied. There were no movies she wanted to see. Plus the first and only time she had ventured to the movies alone, she’d ended up next to a couple that couldn’t keep their hands off each other. She left halfway through. She still didn’t know how The Departed ended.

She looked over towards the door and saw her Prism DuroSport resting next to her keys on the hall shelf. She suddenly got an idea. She pulled herself up off the couch and made her way down the hall and into her bedroom closet to fish out her running shoes. Roy used to force her to go running with him Saturday mornings. He ran too fast, but refused to let her fall behind. She hated running…at least running with Roy. She’d quit when they broke up, but she had run out of other options. She just had to move .

She quickly tied up the laces, grabbed the DuroSport, and headed out the door, forgetting to grab her keys or lock it behind her. She knew she should stretch or warm-up since she hadn’t run in months, but she was past caring. She just needed to run, to clear her head, to forget her feelings.

She started out at a jog, letting the wind whip her hair behind her as her feet hit the pavement in calm, controlled movements. She didn’t feel any better. She wanted to feel free from the confinement of her life. She wanted to feel in control, while at the same time just letting everything go. She released her arms from their rhythmic back and forth motion beside her waist then pushed her legs forward, faster and faster. He feet started to burn from pounding the concrete sidewalks with such force. He eyes watered as the wind picked up. She reached up to wipe away a tear, wondering if it was just the wind making her eyes water. She kept pushing. Her calves began to tense up, but she didn’t care. At least this was a pain she could target, a pain she could control, a pain she knew she could ease soon.

She closed her eyes and broke out into a full-on sprint. She felt as if she had lost complete control of her body, as if it was running itself. She just kept pushing forward, her whole body aching but her mind clearing, as if each step allowed a few more thoughts to fall away from her mind. She squeezed her eyes shut tighter as she fiddled with the volume on her DuroSport, pumping the music up to drown out his voice from her mind. It sounded like it was so close, but she couldn’t let it get any closer. She had to keep pushing, keep moving.

Then BAM! Her body hit full force into another, stopping her dead in her tracks and causing her battered legs to finally give out beneath her.

As they collided, she realized why running with her eyes closed was probably not the smartest of ideas. She opened her eyes, pulled out her ear buds, and prepared to pull herself up when she froze, hearing the voice she had tried to drown out. She realized why it had sounded so close.

“God…Pam, are you ok? I tried to go around you, but when I saw it was you I tried to get your attention, then you just…” He took a deep, confused breath. “What the hell were you doing?”

She looked up at him quickly, seeing the sweat dripping down his face, drenching his grey t-shirt, and his hand held out. She averted her eyes, swallowing the lump forming in her throat, and wondered out loud, “I…um…I really don’t know what I’m doing.”
Chapter End Notes:
For now, I'll call this a one-shot, but I may pick it back up in two weeks when my finals are over. There are definitely places I could go with this...


dramaqueen is the author of 0 other stories.



You must login (register) to review or leave jellybeans