He was frozen. Paralyzed... paralyzed by the words violently ricocheting through his head as he tried to wrap his mind around them and make sense of what he had just heard. As Pam had delivered her brave words not 30 seconds ago, he had barely been able to absorb them without cracking, without reacting visibly. He would have broken if not for the presence of Karen, who was sitting to his left, as close as she could possibly be without actually touching him. She was curled up to stay warm, making her already smallish frame seem to occupy even less space. Her presence, in contrast, was imposing. As Pam had turned to address him... I called off my wedding because of you... Jim's instinctive reaction was to spring up and embrace her, to hold her head against his shoulder and console her, to draw her close and fight through all those painful memories together. His brain, however, intercepted and defused this instinct by refusing to send the signals to his body to move. So he froze, barely moving at all. He thought instead of Karen. He could feel her tightening up. He risked a quick glance to his left and processed the look on Karen's face... a subtle mix of shock, fear, bewilderment, and pure venom, directed not at him but at Pam.

He had often daydreamed about the moment Pam told him that she loved him. For years, the image of her professing her love for him was his holy grail: the totality of he ever wanted, and more. During the countless times he had made love to her in his mind, he had always pictured her eyes looking up at him, her hair splayed gently behind her, telling her she loved him. She was so very different. Even in his most private fantasies, he was unwilling to water down his sacred bond with her with the normally standard erotic images of breasts, buns, and wild sex. Even in his dreams.

Lately, he had turned to wondering how he would react if she professed her unconditional love to him. He tried to convince himself that he would be strong, that he was over her, that he had moved on. His mind forced him to think of Karen. She was a great woman. He really liked her, and he would love her someday. Someday soon, hopefully. His pride told him that he would be less of a man if he dropped everything for Pam after being forced to endure three years of unrequited love and months of unbearable, painful heartache. But his heart... well his heart wouldn't speak up until it happened. And it had spoken. He had found himself wishing that Karen had never come into his life. Wishing that he had never met her. That someone else had saved him from the cycle of loathing and self-pity that had threatened to consume him. Someone not sitting right beside him keeping him from running to embrace Pam.

As Jim slowly managed to wrap his mind around the words, he felt an unfairness, a very real cruelty in the situation. Pam had triggered his response. His sacred, "I love you" response. But she hadn't professed her love at all. Thank God his brain had stopped him from doing anything stupid. I called off my wedding because of you. Because of you. Not for you. Because of you. She had reminded him of a terrible place he vowed never to let himself go again. He had been the amazing, understanding, sensitive best friend. It may have been nice for her to have had him pining away so loyally for three years, but it wasn't so great for Jim. So he had gotten her to see that Roy wasn't right for her... it was he who had to pay the steep price of having his heart shattered. Nobody deserved a best friend like that: a best friend who gave of himself with all of the dedication of a committed lover, and received nothing in return. But who wouldn't want a friend like that? Pam certainly did, and Jim was certain she still didn't realize how selfish it was for her to ask him to resume that role. She had almost gotten him to risk everything to once again be that guy that he swore he would never be again. Damn you, Beesly, for having that kind of power over me.

Everyone was frozen. Pam had already made it to the water before motion returned to the circle. Michael made some crack about still looking for a salesman. Jim moved first, reaching out and laying his left hand between Karen's shoulder blades. As his eyes followed, she turned to meet his gaze. The venom had faded from her face, but the shock was still showing. They had enjoyed a great day together, frolicking and joking around with a new easiness that had recently permeated their relationship. There was little doubt Karen's day had just been ruined, and Jim felt terrible that she had to witness what she just saw. He wanted to scoop her up and carry her away to soothe her nerves, to let her know everything would be OK. He also knew she probably wouldn't let him. Over the past six months, whenever he had hurt her, she would always maintain physical parity with him until he made things right. Physical parity in the sense that she wouldn't lie on his lap or let him spoon her or allow him any other contact which involved even the slightest submission on her part. She certainly wasn't going to let Jim pick her up in front of their co-workers.

So he fixed the situation. In full view of everyone, he leaned over and planted a forced, but still genuinely passionate kiss on his unsuspecting girlfriend. Karen was shocked at first, but soon she was leaning in, returning his kiss, trying to hold back the tears that were forming under her closed eyelids. She knew this was more than a kiss. He was choosing her. In front of everyone, he was choosing her. For the first time, really, he was choosing her. Jim didn't linger too long after getting his point across. He grabbed Karen's hand and led her away. Away from the prying eyes of their co-workers. Away from Pam. They disappeared into the darkness just as Pam returned to the circle.