You’re getting married tomorrow and by now you’re a master of self-delusion.

The tux that was supposed to be picked up at noon is still sitting at the shop and you’ve told your Best Man (luckily he’s your brother) to tell all the other groomsmen to fuck off- that you need to think.

You never thought that it would actually come to this.

You figure in some deluded part of your brain that she would show up and crash your engagement- it’s the least she could do after all. And then you would be so pissed and upset that she decided to do something like that (even though you did it to her almost two years ago) that your indignation would carry you through the ceremony. Or you would forgive her magnanimously and sweep her into your arms and kiss her senseless.

You realize now that you’re a selfish bastard because neither of these imaginary scenarios involves marrying Karen because you’re actually in love with her.

Now Karen is getting drunk with her friends in a hotel suite across town and absolutely clueless that the man she’s supposed to marry in 18 hours is having 23rd thoughts (although if you’re honest with yourself they’re more like 188599th thoughts) about walking down the aisle.

And you can’t Believe she didn’t fucking come.

You’re starting to build the indignation and anger in your mind and it’s like the taste of bile at the back of your throat, how dare she not crash your wedding. After the emotional stranglehold she’s had you in for the past 6 years, now is the time she chooses to be brave and finally let you go.

Fuck that, you’re not letting her.

And it’s not like you don’t have her address memorized even though you pretend to not know that she moved here 6 months, 2 weeks and 3 days ago.

By the time you’re at her front door, you’re seething. She should have come and said something, anything. How dare she feign nonchalance now? You’re getting married for God’s sakes, doesn’t that mean anything to her?

When she opens her door you’re satisfied to notice that at least her eyes are red like she’s been crying and it’s when her shock wears off and she looks at you expectantly that you realize that you’re not sure what you came over here to say.

Somehow, “Goddamit how could you not crash my wedding and tell me not to marry Karen and to run away with you instead?” doesn’t make as much sense when you actually put into words.

So instead you ask, “Why did you finally let me go? Why did you stop trying?”

You expect her to cry and instead, she laughs…she laughs, that heartless…

“Because I love you, you Dumbass and I figure if you want to marry her then who am I to stand in your way? I already sent you three letters and I even tracked you down in New York to tell you how much I loved you. I figured you knew where I stood. Plus it’s kind of pathetic to crash someone’s wedding in order to steal the groom don’t you think?”

And then there is silence and you know that this where you’re supposed to respond that you just don’t love her anymore and why can’t she understand that she missed her chance. Except. You came to see her, and not vice-versa.

She isn’t making this easy for you, you guess it’s because she’s got some new resolution to move on with her life or something idiotic like that.

What 6 years of a hopeless love affair suddenly isn’t good enough for her anymore?

“I thought you would show!”

“Why? Did you want me too?” and God is she smirking?

“I expected you to!”

“You’re being ridiculous, now…you’re getting married tomorrow…and whatever it is you wanted or didn’t want me to do but somehow expected me to do isn’t going to happen and you should go back to the woman you’re so madly in love with and marry her already.”

You have the ridiculous urge to scream, “Oh, Yeah. Make Me!” but instead you do something else ridiculous.

You say, “I’m still in love with you. And I really thought…I really thought you would love me enough to do something.”

“I love you so much that I want you to be happy, even if it isn’t with me,” she almost screams this and if you were thinking clearly you’d be happy to realize that she’s crying now, that she hasn’t really moved on. But of course you aren’t thinking clearly, you’re supposed to be getting married in 17 hours and instead you’re standing in the doorway of another woman, clutching her hand.

But it’s not as bad as if you were, say, kissing her. Ooops, now you’re kissing her, or rather she’s kissing you and you aren’t stopping her. Fuck, you’re not only not stopping her but your arms are all the way around her waist and you’re lifting her up and staggering through her doorway.

You know you aren’t getting married tomorrow, at least not to Karen.

Everybody is going to be pissed. But by now you’re a master of ruining weddings and breaking hearts. And you know that your marriage would have ended anyway due to this thing you have with the woman you’re currently trying to devour with your mouth.

It’s really sad that it took Pam not showing up and ruining the best day of your life to realize that you’re a Jackass. You should probably go and cancel the wedding now, but it’s not like your brain is running the show anymore.

Because let’s be real, her hands are under your shirt and one of your hands is cupping her breast and there is no way you’re leaving this apartment anytime soon.

Sure you’re an idiot and Pam’s too good for you and Karen doesn’t deserve any of this.

But then again you’re Jim Halpert, and you’re in love with Pam Beesly, and anything you do to deny it is just going to come back and bite you in the ass.

So even though you should have realized this a year and a half ago, maybe it's not too late to stop yourself from being a complete idiot and just go with the flow.