Unsaid
Jim was walking in the parking lot towards Roy’s car, his mind preoccupied about how he could tell Pam he was leaving, hell, he was concerned about how he would convince himself he had to leave because the crazy-about-Pam part of him didn’t want to. And yet, it was because of that he had to leave, because he had no chances and seeing her marry Roy would just kill him. He would leave for his own good, it was so deep lost in it that it was a matter of life and death. He didn’t know exactly when his crush for her had crept into every inches of his heart, he just knew he was so full of love for Pam it was nearly unbearable to hold it back. Roy started his engine, he was leaving at last. He glanced in his direction and Jim stiffened.
“Hey Halpert, keep an eye on her al’right ?
If only it was the only part of myself I wanted on her, he thought, sighing.
“Okay” He answered, trying to forget the aching in his heart that hadn’t leave him for a long time now.
“Bye”
Pam waved Roy goodbye and walked towards Jim, she looked at him and couldn’t miss the fact that he was looking kind of strange.
“Hey” She said smilling.
“Hey, how is it going?”
“Good, especially that I took all your money in poker.”
“Yeah... hum...”
She made him such a pretty face he felt his heart beating faster as all rational thoughts flew away, she was looking so good tonight, he wondered if hes dress was as soft as it looks and if her skin was as warm ans sweet as he thought it would be.
*You are so beautiful...*
“Hey, can I talk to you about something”
“About when you want to give me more of your money ?”
“No...” Just do it Jim, just tell her you’ll accept an offer to transfer, say goodnigth and leave.
“Do you want to do that now...”
“Listen...”
*Stop making this harder, I’m this close to lose it, I want you Pam, can’t you see it ? Are you so blind ?*
“We can go inside, feeling king of good tonight”
“I was just hum...” Just say the words buddy, stop starring at her, oh my god she’s so amazing... Jim, focuss, the transfer ! Damn it, who cares about the transfer this is Pam !
“I’m in love with you...”
It had slipped trough his lips like he couldn’t help it.
She froze, time had stopped, she felt the sky and the earth coming onto her as she processed the information into her head. Jim loves me...
“What !?”
*Oh my god, Jim....*
She couldn’t believe it, she just standed there, sure she hadn’t heard him right.
“I’m really sorry if that’s weird for you to hear but I needed you to... hear it.”
*Why are you doing this now, can’t you see it’s too late ? Why, Jim, why now ?*
*I’ve spent the last tree years wondering what it would be like to touch your hair, to smell your skin, to wake up every day holding you in my arms and I can’t take it anymore.*
“Probably not good timing I know that I just...”
*Not good timing ? I’m getting married to Roy !*
*I know you’re getting married, but Roy’s not the guy for you, he doesn’t deserve you, he is so careless*
“What are you doing ?”
*I’m doing the most terrifying thing I’ve ever done. Let ME make you happy Pam, I plead you, give me a chance do show you how much I can give you*
*You want me to choose you but I don’t have a choice, I... I...*
“What do you expect me to say to that?”
*In my dreams, you tell me you’ve always loved me and we run away together, now, all I ask is a chance Pam, a hint that you could love me back and I’d fight for you. I want a reason to stay and fight.*
“I just needed you to know... once...”
*Oh Jim, if only I had known earlier...*
*I would like to whisper it in your ears every night, once will not be enough for me to be happy, but I’ll never ask myself “what if...”*
“Well I... I hum... I...”
*Seeing you like this breaks my heart, hold me Jim, I’m too scared, make a move...*
“I can’t”
*You can, you just don’t want to.*
As tears fill his eyes, he realised she won’t give him a chance, he is stupid, she in love with another guy.
“I know”
*Don’t give up, make me feel Jim I plead you, Roy is safe, easier, but I’m numb, Jim wake me up, make me whole again. I don’t want to lose you, you’re the only one making me happy, if I lose you I’ll die.*
“You have no idea...”
“Don’t do that”
*Please Jim I don’t want to lose you.*
“...what your friendship means to me.”
*Our friendship is nothing compared to what I’d want to give you*
“Common, I don’t want to do that, I want to be more than that”
“I can’t, I’m really sorry...if you misinterpreted things...it’s probably my fault”
His heart hurted so much as she said that, he thought he wanted to die.
*I don’t mean that, you didn’t misinterpreted anything, I’ve been longing for your help, just not now, it’s too late.*
*I didn’t misinterpreted anything, whatever what existed between us, it was there, and it was real, you’re just to scared to admit it... or you don’t love me...*
“No it’s not your fault, I’m sorry I misinterpreted our friendship.”
*Jim please don’t go away from me, I need you.*
The moment was gone, Jim was walking back to the warehouse, feeling as he would never be able to laugh again. He still couldn’t breathe and when he finally did, he sounded like an hurted animal. Pam was holding at her wedding ring like it was a matter of life and death, but instead of looking at it and see her saviour, she dreaded it.
_______________________________________________________________________
Pam was on the phone with her mom, unable to think straight, to forget the love tangled with hurt in his eyes.
“When did he tell you ?”
“About ten minutes ago”
“Did you tell him you used to have a big crush on him ?”
“No I didn’t know what to say”
“You have a choice to make pumkin.”
“Yes I know”
“Do you have feelings for him ?”
“Hum... I don’t know mom he’s by best friend”
“Yes but you always found him so caring...”
“Yeah he’s great”
“Are you in love with him ?”
“Yeah I think I am.”
“Then honey...
Pam’s heart stopped. He was there, he was back, he hadn’t left. She was so relieved, her heart was now beating so fast she could barely move.
“Mom I have to go”
“Call me back.”
“I will”
Jim wanted to be alone, but she was there, more beautiful than ever. She had cried, he had made her cry, she looked so innocent, so lost... It was like he couldn’t control his own body anymore. He had lost his self control, he wanted her so badly, his craving for her was so intense he just couldn’t hold back anymore
“Listen Jim”
But he was done listening to her stupid “I can’t”. He bended down and put his lips on hers. His kiss was demanding, desesperate. The feeling swept him away, he had always known it would be good, but it was way beyond good, it was like he was felling something for the first time in years. He pulled her closer to him. Feeling her body against his almost drove him mad, he wanted her so much. His heart pounding, he prepared himself to pull away when she started kissing him back. It was perfect, she tasted like heaven, her hands in his hair were making him dizzy and he could fell her warmth beneath her dress. Jim felt his love break loose inside him, she was kissing him back, he hadn’t lost her yet. He started hoping again, hoping for a better ending when she gently pulled him away. He stared at her for a moment, at her lips, wanting to kiss her until she was his. If only it could be so simple.
Pam was beggining to recover her common sense. We’ve kissed she thought, completely panicked. Her lips were still burning, her back was frozen where Jim’s hands had held her so close...but she ignored all of that. It was wrong... and yet it felt so right... She looked in his eyes, almost wanting him to kiss her again, to force her to feel.
*Pam, I love you...so much...*
*I want you in my life Jim, save me.*
But nothing was said. Pam ran away, leaving him so heartbroken he couldn’t breathe trough the pain. He laid in his bed all night, the tiny seed of hope keeping him from madness. Pam laid on her couch, crying, and all night, they both thought of everything they had left unsaid...
TBC...
Author's Chapter Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
This first chapter is Casino night, I added a silent dialogue between them, all they wanted to say but couldn’t, somethings they didn’t even figured out for themselves. Be kind it’s been a long time since I last wrote in english. If something is really horrible, tell me I’ll change it ;)
This first chapter is Casino night, I added a silent dialogue between them, all they wanted to say but couldn’t, somethings they didn’t even figured out for themselves. Be kind it’s been a long time since I last wrote in english. If something is really horrible, tell me I’ll change it ;)
