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Story Notes:

I hate to admit it, but this story was inspired by the 30 Rock rerun I saw the other night.

...so there's that.

You were spinning slightly in the chair next to my desk while I processed Tony's paperwork.  Since the merger, you had been spending a few minutes a day with me.  We didn't need to say much, but somehow even the silence was comforting.

 

"I painted the living room this weekend." I told you, shuffling through the filing cabinet. 

 

"Oh yeah? How did it turn out?"  Even if you weren't, I love that you pretended to be interested.

 

I sat back down, I could work later, "Pretty good."

 

You turned your attention to the notepad on your lap, "I've wanted to paint my place for three months now, but I can't decide on anything."

 

I watched your hand gracefully sweep over the page as the beginnings of a landscape came into sight.  "So, how's living on your own going?"

 

I love to watch you draw.  So when your hand stilled on the page, I immediately regretted my question.  "Its fine I guess." you breathed, "A little lonely."

 

I know all about being lonely, you know that.  But I can't help to parallel our situations sometimes. You left Roy, Susan left me.  And I can almost forgive Susan for what she did when I look at you...because no one deserves to be unhappy.

 

"You know, the other night I had the most awful thought." you confessed, "I almost choked on my soda and then for an hour afterward I was thinking, what if I had died just then?  Would anyone notice?  I would probably lay there dead for a week until someone complained about the smell." you slumped in your chair, embarrassed, "That was awful.  I shouldn't have said that."

 

But you didn't have to be embarrassed, and I told you that.  Because I've thought that too.  Only, with me it was different.  For those few days back then, when I thought about suicide, I could only imagine how much more pathetic it would be when they finally found me.  A testament to how truly alone I'd become. But I didn't tell you that part, I just turned back to my computer, hoping you couldn't read my face.

 

And you got up, "Well, glad I'm not alone in my depraved thoughts." you smiled sweetly, that smile that makes me want to smile, "Better get back to the phones."

 

You started to push the door open, but stopped, and you told me that you'd notice if I were gone.

 

And I believe you.

Chapter End Notes:
please review and let me know what you think...it's different for me and I'm not sure how I feel.  All types of criticism are welcome :)


PamPongChamp is the author of 18 other stories.
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