“I can’t believe this is happening. I mean this morning, I was pretty sure that you were going to be taking the job in New York and that you’d be leaving again. And now, here we are….together and….someone is totally going to have to pinch me.”

“It is kind of surreal, isn’t it? You know what I can’t believe? That we ditched the camera crew. “

“Oh man, no kidding! I was sure that after you interrupted my interview that they’d be tripping over themselves to get cameras positioned to capture the ‘big moment’.”

“Did you just make airquotes, Pam?”

“Yes, Jim... I did…to emphasize an important point.  Don’t you feel that way sometimes…maybe now more than ever? That to them we’re like zoo animals in a cage and they are just wating for us to ma….Oh God….I did not almost say that. Stop laughing.”

“It’s okay. I know exactly what you mean. I thought I was used to it…the cameras and everything and I didn’t really mind it. Hell, you know me, I kind of thrived on the attention. But now….now there are some things I’d like to keep a little private. I ditched them in New York too so they have no idea how things ended with Karen. They’ll probably edit it to make me look like an uncaring ass who just left her in the city.  It’s worth it, though. We don’t need cameras right now.”

“Yeah, I know. Well, we certainly have privacy this evening. We can thank Phyllis for the diversion.”

“When do you think they figured out that there wasn’t another flasher?”

“At this point….I don’t care. I just care that we’re here….together.”

“You know what, Pam? We have an awesome opportunity to totally prank the production team.”

“How? Mmmmm….keep doing that. I had no idea that you were such an amazing foot massager.”

“The correct term,  Pam, is masseur. And you are welcome. Anyway…they know I asked you out to dinner, right? But they have no idea where we went or what happened. We can tell them whatever we want.”

“Ooooh, I like that idea. Of course, I bet when they figured that we ditched them, they sent cameras to all of the usual places…Cuginos, Coopers….”

“That just lets us be a little more creative.”

“So, I could tell them that you flew me to Monte Carlo for an evening of gambling and intrigue?”

“Stop giggling….I don’t know if they’d buy that, but you’ve got the idea. I can totally see you as a Bond Girl, though.”

“Oh stop it!”

“How about the circus? We rode the elephants and hung out with clowns?”

“How did you know what my dream date was? Oh stop looking at me like that, I’m kidding. We could tell them that you gave me your credit card and I bought a really sexy dress with it and then Hector Elizondo taught me table manners and you took me to the opera where I cried.”

“You don’t think they’d figure it out? These are, after all, film professionals.”

“Oh yeah…slipped my mind. Seeing them set up a shot in the ladies room kind of makes you forget that these are ‘artistes’.”

“Air quotes again. Are you going for the record?”

“Suck it, okay?”

“Okay….How about this….we went to a Phillies game where you somehow arranged for seats in the dugout and I got to meet all of the players?”

“What would be in that for me?”

“I’d buy you a big foam hand? Why are you laughing again…I’m serious.”

“Oh, I know you are. Have I mentioned how happy I am?”

“I think you may have. I’m pretty happy too. So……we could just say it was dinner and a movie?”

“Too traditional.”

“Clubbing?”

“Too…not us…..”

“An art museum?”

“Very sweet, but there will be time for that later….not for a first date.”

“A comic book convention?”

“Too Dwight.”

“Yeah….I figured that.”

“We should tell them something that would help you out, Halpert.”

“What do you mean?”

“Well, I’m sure all of your fans are going to be eating this up. We should tell the camera crew something that will make all of your little fangirls just squee themselves to death…portray you as the perfect romantic hero.”

“And how would you do that?”

“Well, for starters, we’d have to muss up the hair. There…that’s better. Then I think I tell them that you wore faded jeans and your baseball cap…that wouldn’t be a lie….and that you um…played a guitar and read poetry to me after cooking me a gourmet meal.”

“And would that work for you? Would that be your perfect date?”

“Jim…..this is my perfect date.”

“This?”

“Yup, I wouldn’t change it for anything.”

“Pam, maybe the shock of me asking you out has clouded your brain, but you realize that we just finished off a bucket of KFC and that we’re sitting on a blanket in the middle of one of Dwight’s beet fields.”

“Isn’t that every girl’s dream? Seriously….this couldn’t be better. Really, Jim. We’ll have to thank Dwight.”

“And Angela….if anyone can understand the need for privacy, it’s those two.”

“And the cameras would never think to look for us here.”

“Unless they remembered what Dwight said once about teenagers having sex out here.”

“What are you suggesting?”

“Nothing.”

“You can’t hide anything behind that grin of yours, Halpert. I know exactly what your intentions are. Pig.”

“Hey…stop tickling me.”

“You know what. I just thought of something that could improve this date.”

“What’s that?”

“I need you to just shut up and kiss me. “

“Well, I don’t want to disappoint my fans….come here.”

*****************************************

Back on the road, Ernie shifts the production van into drive and slowly presses on the gas. He’s got the headlights off and he’s hoping nobody notices as he heads back to the highway. He can’t believe that with all they went through to avoid the cameras, that they forgot to take of their microphones. It was too dark for video, but he had no problem picking up their conversation from where he had been parked. His radio crackles.

“Hey Ernie….come in”

“This is Ernie.”

“Did you find them? We’ve struck out at all of the local restaruants and watering holes.”

Ernie thinks for a second and then hits delete on the digital file he captured minutes ago.

“Nope….not here at the beet farm. This was a stupid idea to begin with. I’m heading back to town.”

“Damn. Well, maybe we can get them to tell us about it in a talking head on Monday.”

“I bet they will. Night Tom.”

“Night Ernie.”

They were right, he thought. Some things are just meant to be private and besides….he never really liked the zoo.