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I hope you like it and find it plausible!

She didn’t leave her house all weekend. In fact, she barely left her bed. Every time she opened her eyes she heard Jim’s voice: I’m in love with you. Every time she closed her eyes she saw him leaning in to kiss her, her own hands reaching up to his face and resting on his neck. It was the most wonderful moment of her entire life.

Everything changed when their lips parted. They were no longer Jim and Pam, best friends. They were… actually, she had no idea what they were anymore, and that’s what scared her the most.

She turned him down. She had to, she was engaged. She was going to marry Roy. Up until that moment, that kiss, she had no doubts whatsoever. She would marry Roy in a few weeks, and she would live happily ever after. At least that’s what she told herself, although, if she had to be honest with herself (something she rarely was) she wasn’t sure if he could make her happy. She was painfully aware that she was much more happy when she was with Jim than with Roy, and on rare occasions she even wondered if things might be different if she had met Jim first. But things weren’t different. She was going to marry Roy, and she had to turn him down.

On Monday she seriously considered calling in sick. She actually almost became physically sick when she acknowledged the terrifying thoughts dancing in her head. How can I possibly face him? Is he going to be angry with me? Will he ignore me? Will he act like nothing happened? Will he be able to see past my facade, into my broken heart? Is his heart as broken as mine? As much as she wanted to stay home, safe under her covers where she’d practically been living since that night, she knew she had to go in. She had to see Jim, to somehow make things right. If he really loved her, he would understand. Maybe, just maybe, she would even admit that she loved him too. Whatever happened, one thing was certain: this was a time when she needed him. She needed her best friend.

Her heart beat rapidly as her car pulled into the Dunder Mifflin parking lot. This is where he told me he loved me. Her heart nearly stopped when she walked through the office doors to her desk. This is where he kissed me and completely turned my life upside-down.

Her heart did stop when she saw his empty desk.

It was completely empty. She had never seen that much of the mahogany surface. Usually it was cluttered with anything and everything: paper, gadgets, empty Jell-o containers, trinkets she had made for him. Now it was cleared, looking as empty as she felt inside.

Without even taking her jacket off or dropping her bags, she walked over to his desk. She opened one of his drawers, revealing an equally clean and empty surface. Tears immediately filled her eyes as regret and anger at herself overcame her. I drove him away.

She could feel the rest of the office looking at her. Dwight was inches away from her, sitting at his desk. He kept looking from her face to Jim’s desk, not revealing any emotion, just awaiting her reaction. Phyllis’s eyes were huge and sad, and Pam could have sworn that even Angela’s usually cold, stern eyes looked slightly sympathetic.

She didn’t look at any of them, afraid that if she glanced up, she would not be able to hold back the tears any longer. She simply walked back to her desk, turned on the computer, and, when she was certain her coworkers had returned to their work, she silently cried behind her screen.

The rest of the day was a blur. About an hour after she arrived, Michael called everyone into the conference room to announce that Jim “was no longer a member of our special family.” She stared at the floor the entire time, only hearing parts of Michael’s speech. “…transferred…Stamford branch…completely unfunny boss…”

She hated herself at that moment. She hated Jim. She hated herself even more for hating Jim. He told her he loved her, left her feeling unsure of her choices, then abandoned her. She was certain she had never been in that much pain before, and she had no one to comfort her. For the first time in her life, the one she needed was the one who was hurting her.

Predictably, she didn’t get any work done that day. She let the phone go to voice mail, and at around 3:30, she asked Michael if she could leave early. She didn’t want to answer any questions, so she told him she was having “female troubles.” He looked really concerned, and in her daze she could have sworn she heard him say she could take all the time she needed while “Aunt Flow” visited. It made her happy for a second, until she walked out of his office and directly to Jim’s desk. It was a habit. She would talk to Michael, then immediately tell Jim all the politically incorrect things he said. Staring at the empty desk, the computer turned off, brought a rush of fresh tears. She grabbed her purse and jacket and almost ran out the door.

As soon as she got home, she changed into her most comfortable pajamas (a t-shirt and fleece pants), returned to her bed, and spent hours staring at the ceiling. Jim was really gone, and it was solely her fault. She had only faced one day without him, but it was one day too many. Moments they spent together, some of her happiest memories, played like a movie in front of her eyes.

They were at her desk, watching Dwight buy a purse from Katy. They were on the roof of their building, eating grilled cheese sandwiches. She was discovering all the “bonus gifts” in her teapot at the Christmas party, with Jim by her side. Always by her side. They were at Rite Aid, buying noodles and M&Ms for Kevin. She was sliding him a Coke, all but begging him to talk to her after only hours of silence between them. Finally, they were playing poker, and she was completely, incandescently happy.

She realized at that moment, as her eyelids drooped and her mind shut down, how much she really loved him. He was her soul mate, how could she have not seen it before?

Her last thought before she drifted to sleep was incredibly simple and intensely frightening, but at the same time drenched with truth and finality: She had to call off the wedding.

 

 

Chapter End Notes:
This is what I always imagined happened, kind of hard to write though, I hope I did it justice. Thanks for reading and please review if you have something to say about it!!


MoreLikeSwaying is the author of 4 other stories.
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