In the year 2036:
Pam wiped a mascara smear from her daughter’s cheek with a tissue. She cupped the young woman’s face and suggested they get a cup of coffee.
In the coffee shop, she sat a table near the window and watched her daughter standing in line, dressed in a fashionable black outfit. Natalie was through and through Pam’s daughter, but there were little touches of her father everywhere. She had her father’s eyes and dimples. Pam couldn’t help but think that today especially, Natalie looked just like her dad.
Glancing out into the bustling downtown street, Pam couldn’t remember the last time she had been in Scranton, PA. Like every city, it had ebbed and flowed with the economy. The past ten years or so had been prosperous, due to recent booms in technology. This Scranton looked completely different from the one she had left years ago.
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The last time Pam saw Jim, he held her tightly and breathed goodbye into her ear. She thought she felt him crying on her neck, though mixed with her own it was hard to tell whose tears belonged who anymore. His last day in Scranton came exactly two weeks after he proclaimed his love for her and two weeks before her wedding to Roy.
His words and his kiss awoke her true feelings. She loved Jim, but acknowledging it in her heart was very different from acknowledging it out loud. Fear forced her to lose Jim.
Roy and Pam married on June 10, 2006. She knew it should have been the happiest day of her life, but it wasn’t.
On her wedding night, she waited until he rolled over on his stomach. Right on cue, he began snoring and she slipped out from under the arm carelessly thrown across her bare stomach. Hugging herself, she sat on the bathroom floor of their hotel room, brushing away the tears streaming down her cheeks. They had just made love for the first time as a married couple and yet it felt wrong. Even after countless times of having sex with him, she had never felt like this before.
She put a hand over her mouth as she cried harder, but the tears were not slowing down. Afraid of waking her new husband sleeping in the next room, she turned on the shower, covering the noise as she gasped for air. Stepping in, she leaned against the wall of the shower and cried until her eyes burned.
She felt like she had cheated on Jim.
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As she waited, Pam twisted the small silver and diamond band that had resided on her hand for so many years. Her husband always talked of “upgrading” it but she loved her little ring too much. It was such a comfort to wear it.
Sighing, she pulled a card out of her purse. From it, his face stared back at her, especially his eyes and the smile that had stolen her young heart. The picture was obviously a couple of years old. In the last year, cancer had taken its fierce toll on his body. Natalie was a law student, but she drove back and forth every weekend from Philadelphia to Scranton to be with him.
After everything that had happened, Pam was so happy that Natalie and her father had such a close relationship. She couldn’t have asked for anything more.
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The pain of Jim’s transfer to the Stamford branch eased into a dull but constant ache by autumn. Pam realized that she had to be the wife Roy married. She couldn’t let on that her heart belonged to another man and she didn’t. Just as she had put her art supplies in storage, she packed away her feelings for Jim. The day finally came when she could look at his desk, occupied by an older man named Ed and feel almost nothing. Almost.
After having been practically married for years, the first year of marriage went pretty smoothly. She was so attentive to Roy and surprisingly, he was even more attentive to her. He regretted waiting so long to marry her. He had never been happier and after a while, Pam was happy too. Yes, she had abandoned her artwork and still worked at Dunder-Mifflin, but she had the life that she had always wanted. Right?
Then, the documentary premiered and everything changed forever.
Roy and Pam watched the first episode at Michael’s duplex. It was Michael’s shining moment. He laughed at every joke and seemed oblivious to the fact that he looked even more idiotic on screen than in real life. She couldn’t help wishing she could share her observation with Jim. The first time she saw his face on screen, her heart pounded. She snuggled closer to Roy so muffle the sound of her beating heart.
On the drive home, Roy joked, “I thought Halpert’s crush on you ended years ago, but I guess he always liked you.”
She shrugged and looked out of the windshield. “I guess.” Suddenly, she feared what else the documentary crew had caught on camera. In her head, she began listing excuses she would tell Roy when they watched it.
Their first fight about the documentary happened after the Dundies’ episode.
Roy waited until they were standing outside of Kevin and Stacy’s house before yelling, “What the hell, Pam? How could you kiss Halpert?”
“Honey, I was drunk. I had no idea that even happened until we watched it tonight. I’m serious. Please believe me.” She tried to ease the tension by playfully pouting at him. She knew he couldn’t resist her pouty face.
He couldn’t. He pulled her into an embrace. “I believe you, baby.”
After that, she always made an excuse for the flirtations the camera caught, such as the crew used certain footage to tell a story that wasn’t there. Usually, he agreed with her.
The night they watched the booze cruise, the episode where they got re-engaged, he stormed out of Phyllis’ living room. Pam followed him into the kitchen.
Roy’s fists were gripped on the counter as he stammered. “What the-? Pam? He- Halpert was- Pam? He was in love…with you! Did you know that?” She looked down and nodded. He struggled to speak, “Say goodnight to everyone. We’re going home.”
They didn’t fight that night because he went straight to bed without saying a word to her. The next morning, she stood at the sink, her back to the rest of the kitchen. He wrapped his arms tightly around her waist and softly kissed the back of her neck. She smiled because she knew everything was going to be okay. Or at least for the moment.
She should have known that things would never be same again.
They cautiously watched the next couple of episodes together with their co-workers. Roy joked around but Pam’s heart didn’t feel any lighter. The comfort she had experienced several months before was quickly disappearing. Arguments occurred more and more often, far more than when they had been engaged.
They watched the casino night episode at Dwight’s (and now Angela’s) farmhouse. The beginning had been so funny, but Pam silently prayed that the documentary crew hadn’t caught how the night had ended. Her heart dropped as she saw herself on screen, just moments before Jim’s confession. She didn’t dare look at Roy, not that she could. Her eyes were glued to the screen in disbelief. She thought they had been alone in the parking lot.
After watching his confession and her rejection, everyone sat in stunned silence. Michael barely whispered, “So that’s why he transferred.”
When Pam saw herself on screen, on the phone in front of Jim’s desk, she knew it was over. Everyone would know the truth and she could do nothing to stop it. After The Kiss, Roy wordlessly walked out of the house, leaving her at Dwight’s. Oscar and Gil kindly offered her a ride home.
When she got home, they argued all night.
Roy sat on the couch, his head in his hands. “He kissed you, Pam. You. Kissed. Him. Back. Were you in love with him?”
Her voice was shaky as she whispered slowly, “Yeah, I think I was. I’m sorry. But…I chose you.” She tried to touch his arm but he pulled away.
“Great. Glad to know that I was your second choice.” He removed his hands from his temples and studied her face. “Answer one question for me: you’re not still in love with him, are you?” She couldn’t answer him.
He moved in with his brother the next weekend. Two weeks later, she found out she was pregnant. Two weeks after that, she quit Dunder-Mifflin and moved to Philadelphia with her sister.
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Natalie sat down with a coffee for herself and a tea for her mother.
Pam handed the card to Natalie, who looked at it lovingly. “Oh Mom, Daddy looked really good in this picture, didn’t he? Erica took that picture of him when I visited them at Christmas three years ago. I had just gotten into law school and he was so excited.”
Pam studied the image again. “Every time I talked to him, he bragged about you and the boys. And Erica was perfect for him.”
“Well, Dad is perfect for you.” Pam grinned. It never stopped to warm her heart that Natalie referred to her stepfather as “Dad.”
“I wouldn’t quite call him perfect, sweetie. But he’s pretty close.”
As they shared reminiscences about Natalie’s father, a tall lanky young man bounded into the coffee shop. Pam never understood where her son got his bundle of energy from.
“Hey Mom!” Jason pushed his unruly hair out of his face as he bounced onto a wooden chair. Wrapping an arm protectively around his older sister, he asked, “Are you OK, Nat?” She nodded.
Pam looked at her son, dressed in a faded college sweatshirt. He was a younger carbon copy of his father. “Where is your dad?”
Jason rolled his eyes, “Guess?”
“An arts supplies store,” Natalie chimed in. Pam couldn’t help but smile.
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The hardest time of Pam’s life happened after Natalie’s birth. Roy had been so angry during the divorce that he wanted nothing to do with his daughter. It took him over a year to realize how much he needed to be a part of their child’s life. Even though she had a difficult time as a single mother, she wouldn’t have traded it for anything. The pain of losing both Jim and Roy was erased every time she looked into her little girl’s face.
She worked temp jobs during the day. At night, she came alive during art courses at the nearby community college. Luckily, her sister and a kind elderly lady across the hall from their apartment looked after her baby.
Pam’s art instructor was so impressed with her talent that he introduced her to a local children’s author named Renee. After seeing the portfolio, Renee immediately hired her to illustrate books. It was a relationship that still existed to this day. Thanks to Natalie and later Jason, Pam had plenty of inspiration for her work.
About a month after her daughter’s third birthday, Renee and Pam had a lunch meeting scheduled with a small publishing firm. Pam didn’t know anything about the company, but Renee assured her that the two young men who ran it were really professional.
The women waited in a restaurant located in Philadelphia’s renovated downtown district. Pam straightened the collar of her blouse and looked across the room. She gasped sharply. Renee saw Pam’s face turn pale and just assumed it was nerves.
Suddenly, he was standing in front of her. He seemed taller and even more handsome than she remembered. She was visibly shaking as she stood and took his extended hand. He said “Hi” in a low husky voice, as if trying to find the courage to speak.
“Jim.” She began breathing again. Before she could stop herself, she blurted out, “I’m not married anymore.” Renee and Jim’s business partner Kyle laughed. Jim was taken aback.
“Wow, Pam.” She always loved the way he said her name, as if she were the only person in the world by that name. “You sure know how to break the ice, don’t you?” She had been an expert on his smiles and from this particular one, she knew he was genuinely pleased to see her.
For the rest of lunch, they forgot about Renee and Kyle as they caught up.
“I turned thirty and suddenly realized selling paper had become my career,” Jim explained. “It was either throw myself in front of a train or do something else. Kyle is an old college buddy and told me about how he wanted to start a publishing company. So I moved back to good ol’ PA last year. It is a huge challenge, I learn something new everyday. But really, I guess going from paper to publishing wasn’t that big of a leap.” He couldn’t stop grinning at her.
Pam told him about Natalie and her illustrations. As she spoke, she could see the pride in his eyes. Both of their lives had changed and they were happy with the changes.
He reached across the table and nervously took her hand. Warmth spread across her entire body as she felt his touch. Blushing, she laced her fingers through his.
Kyle cleared his throat and they both turned to him, dropping their clasped hands. “Sorry to interrupt, but I think Renee and I agree on the terms of our contract. Do you guys want to sign?” Kyle winked at Jim as he handed over the contract.
Later the same evening, as Pam put Natalie to bed, Jim called. Their first date was two nights later. During the weekend, he met Pam’s little girl and immediately fell in love.
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While Jason waited in line for a smoothie, a tall attractive man with gray hair entered the coffee shop. With a huge smile on his face, he walked in long strides and quickly crossed the room.
Placing a plastic bag on the table, he kissed Natalie on the forehead. “How are my favorite girls?”
She kissed him on the cheek, “I'm hanging in there, Dad.”
Sitting down, he placed an arm around his wife’s shoulder. Pam settled in against him as she gleefully pulled out the art supplies he had bought her.
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“Jim, I love you.” It was the first time Pam had allowed those words to come out of her mouth. The release after years of holding in the truth was immense.
Jim’s lips were immediately on hers in a kiss that was sweet yet brimming with passion. He pulled her onto his lap while gently tugging at her bottom lip. She moaned softly as his tongue slipped in and caressed hers. One of her hands cradled his face as the other ran through his messy hair.
“Mommy!” yelled a voice from the other room.
They both laughed as she broke the kiss and laid her head on his chest. He stroked the small of her back with his hand. Pushing a stray hair behind her ear, he whispered, “Do you want me to check on her?”
She stole another kiss before easing off the sofa. “No, I’ll do it. Don’t move. I want to pick up right where we left off.”
“Not going anywhere, Beesly. I’m never leaving you again.” By the look in his eyes, she knew it was the truth.
The first month after reconnecting, Jim and Pam got to know each other again. Though they had a lot of years to make up for, they agreed to take it slow. That didn’t last long because once the door opened, they wholeheartedly jumped in.
Three months later, they had a small wedding in the backyard of the house where Pam grew up. Halfway through the ceremony, Natalie got fussy so Jim scooped her up and held her as he spoke his vows. It was the most beautiful sight ever. Pam longed to capture the memory onto paper.
Though it was a small reception, they made sure to invite their Dunder-Mifflin colleagues. Surprisingly, everyone showed up. Michael enthused that he was the one that brought them together. Even Dwight and Angela came, bringing along their clan of little thirsty Schrutes.
Roy and his wife Erica were there as well. With his hand tightly around his little girl’s, he hugged Pam warmly and wished her the very best. He whispered in her ear, “I’m sorry I held you back for so long.”
She tenderly put her hand on his face and whispered, “I held myself back.”
It was supposed to be the best day of Pam’s life, and it was. That night, as she and Jim made love for the first time as husband and wife, she cried because it felt so right.
A day shy of their third wedding anniversary, Jason was born.
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Jim lightly placed a kiss onto his wife’s forehead. Her hair was still curly and was just beginning to hint of gray. “How was the funeral?”
Pam was still nestled against Jim’s chest. “Sad, but really beautiful. Natalie and the boys spoke.” She smiled sadly at her daughter. She closed her eyes briefly. “Roy was a really good guy.”
Jim pulled her face closer to his. “Yeah, he was.” He leaned in to kiss her.
“Eww! You guys are too old to make out in public,” exclaimed Jason, who sat down next to his giggling sister.
Jim playfully scolded his son, “Hey watch it, you! We can still change your name to Dwight Junior.” Jim and Pam laughed as they separated slightly.
She looked at her children and felt blessed. She thought about her job teaching art classes at the community center and was thankful.
Then she looked at the man who had been her husband for almost twenty-five years. As he rubbed his thumb across her palm under the table, her stomach still managed to flutter at his touch. Marriage to Jim had been far from perfect, but there was no one else she would rather be imperfect with.
