- Text Size +
Story Notes:

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

I do not own The Office or Sex and the City.

I wrote this last night and it hasn't been read by a beta.

Ryan is a total jerk.  Like, what kind of person just breaks up with you when things are going so amazing?  I found out he was applying for this job at corporate-and duh of course he was going to get it- and I was just waiting for him to ask me to move with him so we could live in this fabulous penthouse on Manhattan and totally go on double dates with SJP and Matthew Broderick, and like have babies and take walks in Central Park and get the kids into the best private school so they can go to Harvard or something.   But he never mentioned the words “Kelly,” “moving,” or “New York” in the same sentence.  At least not to me.  But whatever, it doesn’t matter now because of course the jerk got the job and of course he took it and I mean, who breaks up like that?  “You and I are done.”  What the hell?  Anyway, I was super pissed and decided to pull a Samantha, since she’s totally my favorite SATC character.

So Ryan may have an MBA and whatever, but he is still pretty dumb.  Like duh his new address is in the company directory- not that I was checking or anything but I stumbled upon it.  Anyway, like two months after he moved, I just so happened to be in New York and accidentally wandered into Ryan’s new neighborhood (in Harlem—guess he didn’t get that big of a raise) and just so happened had a bunch of fliers with Ryan’s face on it declaring the size of his…you know…to be less than adequate.   I totally handed them out to all these women and they just laughed and told me how awesome I am.  Then, the best part is I totally struck a Samantha move and like let the wind take the rest of the fliers and it was so amazing!  I totally had one of those female empowerment moments, you know?   I even made sure I had an awesome pair of heels on so I could channel Ms. Jones in all her glory.

So today I get a phone call from Ryan and he is totally pissed off about how immature I am and why can’t I just get over it and leave him alone.  He said I’m lucky he’s not suing because he could totally win in court, but I pointed out the fact that I didn’t lie about anything.  He shut up real fast after that!  Anyway, I promised him I would leave him alone because I am so over him--besides I have to wait for my Smith to come along.  I love when things work out like they do on TV. 



dylan619xf is the author of 4 other stories.
This story is a favorite of 1 members. Members who liked Me and Ms. Jones also liked 202 other stories.


You must login (register) to review or leave jellybeans