Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
----------------
Downtown Scranton, a red brick building, suite G, up a flight of narrow wooden stairs that make him feel like he’s falling.
He taps his foot nervously while he waits. Reads a magazine for kids, solves all the puzzles in twenty seconds or less. He eyes the others in the room, diagnoses them in his mind, wonders if he has much at all in common with any of them. A woman tears a tissue into teeny tiny strips and then balls them up. He reads a women’s magazine and learns which bathing suit would look best with his bust. But it’s December and he wonders why he got here so early.
--------
“To be honest, I don’t really know why I’m here. No, that’s a lie. I know why I’m here. It’s my mom. She wanted me to come, so I came. I don’t have- I mean, I’m not depressed or anything. Not clinically at least. Or…I don’t know. Maybe.”
“Yeah, yeah. There was an incident, as my mom keeps referring to it. But, I mean, how would you react if you were at Thanksgiving dinner with your married, successful siblings and you tried to look into your future and you just saw black? You’d probably want to lock yourself in the bathroom and cry, too. It wasn’t a big deal. I didn’t try to kill myself or anything. I wouldn’t do that.”
“Because there’s- I just wouldn’t. That’s not something I’d do.”
“Sure, I’ve thought about it. Who hasn’t thought about it at some point? It’s like one of those things you sometimes just think in passing when you’re really upset or frustrated. You just think, “Boy, I could kill myself right now,” but you don’t. You move on.”
“Yeah, sure, I’ve thought about it recently. But I wouldn’t.”
--------
He used to make out with this guy’s daughter when they were thirteen. He lived down the street, they’d sneak into her basement and make out. Like it was something they needed to practice. She had braces and they made his lips hurt. She said his tongue felt like a sponge.
And this is who he sits across from. This is who he’s supposed to talk to. He knows for a fact that this guy is going to have dinner with his parents next week. He knows for a fact that patient/doctor confidentiality is bullshit in this scenario.
He wonders how Trina’s doing. He thinks about asking. Maybe she’s single. He tries really hard to remember what she looked like.
--------
“I’m sorry, what?”
“Yeah, I guess it’s true that I’ve been down lately. But it’s not something that needs- I know why I’ve been down. I don’t need someone to figure it out for me. I know what my problem is. It isn’t some chemical imbalance.”
“This girl. God, this girl. Your wife, do you remember what it felt like when you realized she was, you know, it? The one you were going to marry and be with for forever?”
“Yes, exactly. That sink in your gut. Not a bad sink, just a sink- Like, I don’t know, maybe your heart needs more room all of the sudden so your gut sinks and it’s one of the best feelings in the world and you’ll only have it once. No other girl is going to make that happen. Just that one. And I felt that sink like two years ago.”
“Well, she’s engaged. To this guy who’s so oblivious. But they’ve been together for a long time. Ten years, almost eleven. So I guess they’re just so comfortable with each other that it doesn’t matter that they’re completely incompatible.”
“I know her. I know her better than I’ve ever known anyone in my life. And she’s it, I’m telling you. She is it. I felt it.”
“I just know.”
--------
He’s chewing gum. Isn’t it unprofessional for a therapist to be chewing gum during a session? Won’t it make less stable patients feel like he isn’t paying full attention to them?
He has this notepad, but he doesn’t write anything down.
--------
“My job. It honestly sucks the life out of me. I feel, I mean, I actually feel my brain turning numb. You know the term “mind numbingly boring?” Yeah, I can feel that. Like you could stick a pencil in my ear at around two in the afternoon and poke away at my brain and I wouldn’t feel a thing. I’d just keep on talking to whatever client about the difference between Mother of Pearl and Eggshell.”
“I really haven’t given any thought to a career. I dropped out of college in my junior year, so…”
“I don’t know. It just wasn’t clicking with me. I felt like I was wasting time. I wanted to live life or something. I was twenty years old, what did I know? I thought I could drop out of school and go traveling. That’s when I realized you needed money to go traveling and that’s when I started looking for work.”
“It was a fluke thing, really. A friend of mine was looking up job listings on the internet and saw this one for Dunder Mifflin Paper Products. He told me about it, said it would be easy enough for me to get. At that point, I was just doing filing stuff and other random odd office sort of jobs. Then I got promoted to sales rep and that’s where I’ve been ever since.”
“I’m honestly terrified at the thought of advancing any higher in the company. I don’t want that. I always said that it was a temporary thing. Not what I would be doing with the rest of my life. I never intended to stay for as long as I have, but I did.”
“This girl. God.”
“No, I’m okay.”
--------
He has a salt and pepper mustache and glasses that he won’t push back up on his nose. He folds his hands in his lap on top of that notepad that he won’t write anything on. Well, there’s one thing written on the first line: Jim Halpert, 12/5/05.
That’s it. His name and the date. Like he isn’t even worth anything else. Not even to this mustached friend of his parents who’s pretending like he wants to listen to all of his problems. He clenches his jaw and glances at the clock.
--------
“I’m sorry. It’s just- I don’t even know why I’m here. I don’t really need therapy. But you know my mom, she’s a worrier. And, hey, as long as she’s paying, right?”
“Oh, so she told about that incident, too? Wow. Maybe she should come in here and do the session for me.”
“I was just out drinking with my brother. And maybe I drank too much. But-”
“Yeah, I had to be taken to the hospital. Yeah, okay. But, it was one time and it’s not like-”
“Is that what she told you? That’s a lie. I was not alone at the time. No, I was out with my brother. Having a guy’s night out, you know? It just got a little out of hand. That’s all.”
“No, that’s ridiculous.”
“Uh, I think time’s up.”
--------
He walks quickly down the stairs, feeling dizzy and almost tripping over his own feet.
Out on the street, the sun shines hard and he pulls his coat tightly around him.
The cold still manages to seep in.
