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Story Notes:

 

Still don't own 'em.  No copyright infringement intented and all that jazz. 

Author's Chapter Notes:
Chapter title is a quote attributed to Terence, Ancient Roman comic Playwright and Dramatist of the Roman Republic. 195 BC-159 BC

As far as first time fights go, it was relatively mild: there was no shouting, no throwing of things, not even a single slammed door. The point of contention was something most couples never even have to deal with: being caught on camera expressing affection. But this was Pam and Jim, and nurturing the new direction of their relationship under the eagle eyes of a documentary team that had been watching them for several years was proving more stressful than either of them expected.

Pam hadn't done it on purpose. Well yes, she certainly meant to kiss him. It was the end of a particularly trying day, and Jim had done his best to keep her smiling through it. So when when she met him at the coat rack to leave for the day, she went with her instinct and gave him a grateful thank you smooch. And it wasn't as if Jim didn't enjoy it. He cherished every opportunity to be in close contact with Pam Beesly. But as they broke their kiss Jim looked over her shoulder and saw Brian and his trusty camera trained on them. Brian smiled and gave him the thumbs up, confirming Jim's worst fear. Jim frowned in irritation and walked out of the office, a puzzled Pam trailing behind.

From the parking lot through the drive home together to Pam's apartment, Jim grouched about being caught on tape kissing. He said that over the last month or so he felt more and more like an insect caught under a microscope as the film crew seemed to shadow their every move, trying to catch them doing something more personal than professional. Pam reacted defensively to his complaints, and it all went downhill from there. By the time they got home, silence had become their unwelcome companion.

Dinner and a little wine helped them both relax, and a truce of sorts was reached as they found more interesting things to do with their time than bicker. They were, after all, still relatively young and most certainly in love. It wasn't until the next morning that they found the tension between them returning as they knew they were facing another day in front of the cameras without an acceptable plan of action between them. The morning ride into work reminded both of them that the issue was not just going to go away.

The morning dragged slowly from the very start. They tried to keep themselves busy with work, but since Jim had long moved back to his original desk, every time he looked up he was distracted by how unhappy Pam looked. He hated seeing her that way, and knew their argument was still foremost in both their minds. So he opened up the lines of communication again.

 

jhalpert: hey

pbeesly: hey yourself

jhalpert: You know I love you.

pbeesly: I do know that. That's why this is so silly.

jhalpert: I agree. It's not like we don't have plenty of time at night to make up for having to behave during office hours.

pbeesly: That's not what I meant. If you love me so much, what's wrong with showing it just a little? Just sometimes?

jhalpert: Do you really want private moments between the two of us broadcast over television in a year or two?

pbeesly: 'Private moments'? I'm not suggesting we have sex in the break room. (Well.....)

He had to laugh at her comment, and he looked up to see her giving him her most pleading expression.

jhalpert: Stop that. It's against the rules to use that face when I cannot properly retaliate.

pbeesly: But I want you to retaliate.

jhalpert: I know, and trust me - I want to. :-)

jhalpert: That's why you are playing totally unfair.

pbeesly: I play to win, Halpert.

jhalpert: Tell me something I don't know already know, Beesly. :-P

pbeesly: :-P :-P

jhalpert: Wow. We're going for the mature replies now, I see.

pbeesly: :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P :-P

jhalpert: Nice.

pbeesly: I just don't see how an occasional hand-holding or hug is going to hurt.

jhalpert: I wouldn't have a problem with it if that's as far as it would go. But it's a slippery slope, Pam.

pbeesly: In what way?

jhalpert: One day it's holding hands at lunch, then it's groping under the conference room table. The next thing you know it would be sex in the break room, or maybe in the stairwell. And don't think those guys wouldn't be working a zoom angle down the steps for THAT!

pbeesly: And this would be a bad progression how, exactly? ;-)

jhalpert: I'm serious! I just feel like having them film anything between us that isn't Dunder Mifflin related is like they are stealing from us. It has nothing to do with working in a paper supply company.

pbeesly: I know that. But we both know they don't see it that way.

jhalpert: No, they don't. And that's why I really want us to just continue to agree to not give them what they want. It's not about what I want to give you; it's about what I don't want to give them.

pbeesly: Oh....and what exactly do you want to give me? ;-)

Jim was saved from giving an immediate response as the phone rang at Pam's desk. He gave her a amused smirk, and the look she shot back at him made it quite clear she would expect an answer when she returned to her monitor.

Their conversation continued as the day wore on, in between meetings and sales calls and faxes and ringing telephones. Sometimes they wandered off onto different thoughts, but each time they tried to discuss their original problem neither person budged from their conviction. It was getting a little frustrating to keep going round and round like that, but they were both too stubborn to either give in or give up on talking about it altogether.

Despite their current differences they still ate lunch together in the break room as usual, carefully avoiding any new discussion about it as there were other people present in the room. They still smiled easily and joked as they sat there, but Pam kept wishing she could just reach out and hold his hand, or give him a kiss for being the adorable dork he was. Sitting together that close, she found it entirely too difficult to totally behave, and so she slipped off her shoe and purposely brushed her foot against Jim's calf several times while he ate his sandwich and carrot sticks. Each time he gave her a silent glare that told her in no uncertain terms how much trouble she was going to be in later. In response Pam practically chortled at each stern look and waited for the next time she could brush against him again. It was mere moments from the time she sat back down at her desk until a new message appeared from Jim.

jhalpert: Okay, so what was lunch about?!

pbeesly: I think it was about thirty minutes.

jhalpert: Wow - you're ready for vaudeville with that routine. Too bad it's dead. You know what I'm talking about.

pbeesly: Refresh my memory?

jhalpert: ...the thing you were doing with your foot?

pbeesly: Oooooh! I may have a slight memory of that. Did you enjoy that? I did. :-)

jhalpert: That's exactly the kind of thing I would hate for them to catch on tape.

pbeesly: And how are they going to do that? Have they set up secret cameras under the tables now?

jhalpert: That's not the point.

pbeesly: What is the point then?

Jim sighed audibly and leaned back in his chair, his hands running through his hair. Pam looked up and they stared at each other for a minute, before Jim sat forward and started typing again.

jhalpert: The point is that I'm a private person. I don't want people knowing my business.

pbeesly: I know that. But I think you are taking this 'privacy' thing to the extreme, don't you?

jhalpert: No, I really don't. It's not like I'm saying we can't interact during the day. Or that I'm trying to deny we are together. Everyone knows we are and I'm happy they do.

pbeesly: I don't care whether people know we're together - I value our privacy, too. I'm not trying to be Kelly where I have to prove to the world that I'm in a relationship. Or are you secretly afraid people will think we've become Ryan and Kelly?

jhalpert: Now that's completely uncalled for.

pbeesly: Well, aren't you? I mean now that they have broken up, somebody has to be them.

jhalpert: LOL - If I ever thought that was even possible for you to turn into Kelly Kapoor, I would have never asked you out in the first place. Hell, it wouldn't have been possible to fall so much in love with you. You could never be Kelly even if you wanted to be.

pbeesly: Is there a compliment hidden in there somewhere?

jhalpert: Absolutely there is. You are the anti-Kelly as far as I'm concerned. :-)

pbeesly: Now you are just trying to flatter me into agreeing with you.

jhalpert: Whatever works. ;-)

jhalpert: It just happens to be true as well.

The phones started ringing and it was some time before Pam was able to send Jim another message.

pbeesly: I am getting so tired of going around in circles on this. I'm sorry that I want the world to know I love you.

jhalpert: Now don't start that. That's not what this is about.

pbeesly: Yes, it is actually. If you aren't comfortable with people seeing us doing small things that normal couples do together, then where does that leave us?

jhalpert: But it's not like we have absolutely no way to show affection over the day. We IM, we email. I see those looks you give me. The problem is that you are taking this as a personal slight when it's the farthest thing from it.

pbeesly: Well maybe that's because it feels like a personal slight.

jhalpert: It's not, Pam. It's so NOT - and I know you know that. I don't know why this is bugging you so much now after we've been doing it for nearly two months.

pbeesly: Maybe it's because it feels like it's always going to be this way and I don't want to live like that. I'm happy we are together, and I love you, and I hate that I have worry every work day about censoring myself because you think Big Brother might be watching.

jhalpert: They aren't going to be filming us forever.

pbeesly: No, but nobody thought they'd still be here by this point, did they?

jhalpert: I'll admit that's true.

pbeesly: You know what? Let's just drop the whole thing. We'll continue to do it your way. I just don't understand how it is so easy for you to let other people influence how you'll behave every single day. I can't do that. I just don't have the willpower, I guess. Letting you know how I feel is more important than whatever anyone else thinks of me.

Jim stared at her last message, unable to decide how to reply. He knew she had reached the point of being genuinely angry, and he felt a bit of resentment at her insinuation that he was so detached from how he felt about her that it was easy to hold things in when the cameras were watching. The fact was, it was hell most times.

jhalpert: Yes, maintaining my television persona is so much more important than how I feel about you. I'm so glad you finally understand that.

Jim immediately regretted his response as soon as he hit the enter key. He quickly typed another reply.

jhalpert: I'm sorry. You know I don't mean that.

pbeesly is offline and will receive your IMs when signing back in.

Jim quickly glanced up to see Pam walking determinedly toward the kitchen. He sighed again. Well, I've really screwed things up this time, he thought. When Pam walked back to her desk some fifteen minutes later, she purposely avoided looking at him. The look on her face told him to not even attempt to talk to her at that point.

As the afternoon wore on, Jim continued to leave her alone, although he stayed logged in on IM in case she finally wanted to start talking to him again. She didn't. If he looked up at her and caught her looking at him, she quickly averted her gaze. Jim couldn't wait for the day to be over so he could sort this out with her. The last few hours with no interaction between them had him thinking a lot about why they were fighting.

It was nearing four o'clock when Josie, one of the associate producers, approached his desk. “Hey, can we get you and Pam in the conference room for a quick update?”

'Quick update' was Josie's nice way of saying they were going to grill them for details of their relationship. The documentary crew did this with increasing regularity, usually on a Friday (like today) or a Monday, in the hopes of getting them to reveal their weekend plans or other personal details. Usually Jim and Pam worked perfectly together in that situation. They were totally on the same page when it came to giving vague non-answers to the producer's direct talking head questions. They'd spent hours over the last few months complaining about them and even coming up with joint answers that would show the crew that they were onto their scheme and they really didn't have any desire to play.

Jim had little hope for such a united front as he watched Pam walk into the conference room and sit down next to him. She barely made eye contact with anyone, especially him, and even someone as obtuse as Andy or Michael would have been able to tell that she was not happy to be there. Not happy to be there at all.

So what's going on this weekend, guys?” Josie asked pleasantly.

Probably the usual,” Jim replied.

We don't have any plans,” Pam said at exactly the same time.

The couple looked at each other, tension between them evident. Then they both looked away, and it was clear neither of them was about to say any more about the subject. Josie exchanged a surprised look with Brian the cameraman, who shook his head as if to say 'I can't believe I just saw that, too.' After a few moments of awkward silence, Jim turned to Pam.

Pam, this is ridiculous. I don't want to do this anymore.”

What do you mean?” Pam couldn't tell if his tone meant he was giving in or giving her an ultimatum.

The camera's still rolling right?” Jim asked Brian. The cameraman nodded.

Jim reached over and put a hand on each side of Pam's face, and without saying another word, kissed her solidly. Pam was completely astonished, but soon she was kissing him back. After what had seemed like the longest kiss the associate producer had ever witnessed, Jim pulled back.

Are you happy now?” He asked Pam, unable to stop a grin from spreading across his face at the look of complete surprise that was on hers.

Pam was almost speechless. “I never meant you had to -”

I know.” he interrupted, finally lowering his hands from her face. “But maybe you were right about some things.”

Jim turned to look directly into the camera. “I still don't think any of this is your business, but sometimes you have to compromise.” He nodded toward Josie. “Now that you have that on tape, do you think you could do us both a favor and cut us some slack?”




time4moxie is the author of 77 other stories.
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