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The Dunder-Mifflin Country Club

It’s the hottest June on record and desperate times call for desperate measures.

xoxoxoxo

(Jim sits in the conference room, collar is unbuttoned, his tie hanging loosely around his neck.  His shirtsleeves rolled up to just above his elbows.)

God. It's like the Sahara in here.  Oscar, Kevin and Angela are playing tug of war with the thermostat. I don't know why they're even bothering - the A/C's been iffy all day anyway.  I think the power is five seconds from going out completely and it'll probably affect the whole town.  Kelly's already suffering from heatstroke.  At least that's what she's been saying.  Every. Two. Minutes.  Everyone's just beyond irritated - and that's even with Michael up in New York today.   And since Michael isn't here, you know what that means. 

It's time to take matters into our own hands. 

xoxoxoxo

He leans back in his chair and smiles as he talks on the phone.  "OK.  No.  I promise.  Thank you so much - it's just.  I know…scorching right?    No.  Really.  Thanks a lot Billy.  Everyone will appreciate it I'm sure.  OK.  Right.  Great.  Have a good one." As Jim hangs up the phone he gives Pam a thumbs up as he hangs up and turns towards Dwight.

She grins back and walks over to his desk, swaying a bit.

xoxoxoxo

(Pam lifts her hair off the back of her neck and waves a fan she's folded out of cardstock.)

Jim is brilliant.  He's gotten the management company to agree to let us have a barbecue up on the roof. He even went out on his lunch hour and bought a pool.  And Stanley went home and brought back one of those little cabana things so we'll have some shade.  Between that and the umbrellas we've duct taped to the lawn chairs up there we should be all set. 

(She sighs and her voice becomes dreamy.)

I'm really looking forward to it. I don't usually hang out by the pool much.  Roy bought those wave runners and we take them to the lake.  I'd love for us to take our honeymoon to somewhere with a really nice pool.  The kind with the bar service where you can order margaritas and they bring them right to you.  I know.  It sounds silly but I've always wanted to do that.

xoxoxoxo

"Hey Dwight."  She says brightly, waving her fan in front of her.

"Did you purchase that?"  He replies accusingly as he watches her waving her fan back and forth.  "That fan has been made from a piece of limited edition paper product. Rocket Red - item number #347830G50A, retailing for $8.99 a ream."

She rolls her eyes.  "No Dwight.  I didn't have to buy it.  Michael told me to test it out.  It's a wonderful quality.  Very sturdy."

"Are you lying to me?  Don't try Pam I can tell.  I've taken a highly specialized course in Body Language."

Jim spies a book resting on the corner of Dwight's desk.  "Um…Dwight? Pretty sure the "Complete Idiot's Guide to Body Language' is for beginners."  Not to mention "idiot's" he thinks with a smirk.

"You don't know anything about anything Jim." He replies with disgust.

"I…beg to differ."  Jim counters.  "For example, I know that if one is reading a book geared specifically towards 'complete idiots' then they themselves might be suspect."

Pam tries to stifle a laugh and get back to the task at hand.  "Dwight.  I have a really big favor to ask you.  Didn't you used to be a lifeguard?"

His chest puffs out and he sits straighter in his chair.  "Milford Beach.  Summer of 1997.  I saved the same elderly woman from certain death on three separate occasions."

Pam shakes her head and tries to suppress a smile.  "I thought so.  Listen.   We really need your help.  Jim's found out that the management of the building is letting us set up a roof deck to help us deal with this oppressive heat.  They're even going to let us have a small pool and we'd really like it if you could help to ensure everyone's safety."

A look of smug satisfaction fills Dwight's face.  "A pool?   I'm really trained for more dangerous waters.  Question.  How deep will this pool be?"

Jim shrugs.  "I don't know.  Two feet?" 

Dwight second guesses himself and waves off Jim's reply.  "Actually, scratch that.  A human being could die in less than two inches of water.  That is why I always keep a flotation device next to the bathtub at all times."

"Good thinking, Dwight."  Pam nods approvingly, scared to even contemplate the image of Dwight in a bathtub.  "So can we count on you?"

xoxoxoxo

(Dwight couldn't look more proud as he gives the camera a superior smile.)

"You know - Mose and I are working towards a concept that consists of providing power made from a compound comprised entirely of beet by-products.  Once that happens, brown outs like these will be a thing of the past and I'll make a fortune."

xoxoxoxo

"As if there is anyone else with enough training."  Dwight replies with repugnance.

As Pam and Jim dash off to get things in order Dwight pushes back his chair.  He wonders aloud if he has all of his supplies and equipment in the trunk of his car.  He decides he'd better go check to be sure.

xoxoxoxo

(Kelly giggles and sighs)

I just bought a bathing suit yesterday at lunch because I'm supposed to go to Club Med with my sorority sisters in two weeks!!!  And I still had it in my car.  YAY me!!

It's sooooo cute.  It's a bikini - from H&M??  I saw it on a billboard and I thought it was the hottest thing I've ever seen. 

(She claps her hands and giggles louder.)

Hopefully when I wear it today Ryan will think it's hot too.  It's hot but you know.  Not too, too hot.  Sort of like tastefully hot??  Like Britney when she was with Justin as opposed to K-Fed Britney???  And by the way who doesn't wear shoes in a public bathroom?  I mean.  Helloooo!???!!  Flip flops anyone!?!?  Way to ruin a pedicure!

xoxoxoxo

(Angela rolls her eyes and folds her arms across her chest.)

It's no wonder productivity is at an all time low around here.  At least the people who work in the warehouse understand the importance of a days pay for a days work.  You never see them plotting elaborate schemes like…some people I know. 

Bathing suits should never be worn on company time.   It's entirely inappropriate.

xoxoxoxo

Jim leans over Pam's desk and sifts through the jellybeans.

"I am so not wearing a bathing suit in front of…"  Pam leans closer and speaks softly. "Creed."

Jim gives her a bemused look and tries to hide his grave disappointment.

He guesses he'll have to be content with his fantasies.  Maybe he'll at least get to see her in shorts.

Her arms cover in goose bumps as she shivers.  "I'm not.  He creeps me out, Jim."

"More than Dwight?"  He prompts leaning closer. 

As he does he breathes in deeply, inhaling her scent.  Today she smells all powdery.  She keeps lifting her hair off the back of her neck, driving him to near distraction. 

Subconsciously she loves when he does this, looks at her that way.  It makes her feel dizzy and fluttery.  Almost as if she were drunk.  It's like she's the only person in the room.  She swallows and tries to focus.  For a split second she can't remember what they've been talking about. 

Oh yeah.  Creed. Dwight.

If there was any topic of conversation that could sober her up that was it.

"Different than Dwight.   Jim.  I'm serious.  I think he lives in his car.  Have you ever noticed he's almost always here first in the morning? And I caught him stealing a whole box of those little non dairy creamers from the break room.  I think he pours it on his cereal."

xoxoxoxo

(Creed shrugs.)

Real dairy products are highly overrated. On the whole I'm not a big fan of anything that requires refrigeration.

xoxoxoxo

Dwight walks back into the office dressed for the task at hand.  Orange Speedo, white t-shirt with the word Lifeguard in bright orange letters.  He's carrying a life preserver and has zinc oxide smeared over the bridge of his nose.

"Hey Hasselhoff.  Thanks for stopping by."  Jim comments as he moves towards the door, carrying a box full of plastic cups and paper plates. 

Dwight looks at him with disgust.  "Jim.  Have some respect.  Saving lives is serious business."

xoxoxoxo

(Kevin's voice sounds wistful.) 

God I wish I was David Hasselhoff. I really miss Baywatch.  I can't believe how lucky that guy is.  The lifeguards at my beach never looked like that. 

(He ponders for a second.)

They looked more like Dwight come to think of it.

Yasmin Bleeth?  Hottest Baywatch babe ever.

(He grins.)