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She was mad.  So mad in fact that she has not talked to him in two days.  Not so much as even a 'hi' or a 'go to hell'.  Nothing.  Jim rubbed his face with his hands.  The past month had been just about as perfect as he could possibly have hoped for.  After working out some initial awkwardness, they quickly found their smiles again.  Being with Pam was great.  She was funny, sweet, caring, and beautiful.  In addition, she did not hold back punches anymore.  She did not defer to anything or anyone.  She had this new self-confidence that made him love her even more, if that was possible.  It was ironic that it was love that caused him to bring her to tears.  And not in the good way either. 

It was a normal quiet Sunday night.  He was casually flipping through her sketchbook as she chatted with her mom on the phone.  He smiled as he heard his name brought up.  Pam talked about their attempt at the batting cages.  Jim insisted that there was something was wrong with the pitching machine she told her mom.  No way could she have hit more than him.  It had to have been faulty machinery.  She finally got off the phone and let him know her mom said hi.

"I still think that machine was broke," he said with humor in his voice.

"Want a rematch?  Name the place and time.  I just hate to see you lose to a girl Jim, it's embarrassing,” she replied keeping her face perfectly serious. 

"Next Saturday.  Noon.  Be there or be square,” he answered his face matching hers. 

She rolled her eyes at him.  "You have totally GOT to stop saying that.  It's enough I hear it from Dwight everyday."  Dwight had recently gotten into the habit of telling people to do something he wanted or 'be square'.  It apparently didn't matter to him if it rhymed or not.  So of course Jim's latest point of interest was to answer everything Dwight asked with 'or be square.'  Dwight's reaction was typical.  This of course amused Jim and Pam to no end. 

"Yeah I suppose I have squeezed all the fun out of it."  As soon as the words were out of his mouth their eyes locked.  Laughter exploded from both of them. 

"We have got to find new jobs," she said. 

Jim got up from the couch and handed her the sketchbook.  "Here you go."  His face was so earnest that it caused her to involuntarily blush. 

"I don't know Jim.  I really don't think these are that great," she softly said as she placed the book down on the kitchen table. 

He reached out and grabbed her hand.  "Listen to me.  You are an awesome artist.  And that is not boyfriend Jim talking.  It is average guy Jim talking.  I don't ever want to hear you doubt yourself, ok?  If you suck at something, don't worry.  I will most certainly point it out.  Sudoku for example."   

She stared at him for just a second, her eyes searching his face.  Suddenly she threw her arms around him and hugged him tight.  "I love you Jim." 

There it was.  The three words Jim Halpert had waited to hear for years.  She had finally said them.  It literally stunned him.  He could not even lift his arms to return the hug.  He opened his mouth to tell her that he loved her too.  That he loved her so much that he could barely breathe when he even thought of her not in his life.  Yet as his heart told Pam he loved her his mouth said, "Thanks". 

He knew he was in trouble the second that word left his mouth.  Pam stiffened and carefully untangled her arms from around his neck.  Coolly she asked, "What?" 

He was screaming at himself from the inside.  Yet something prevented him from saying what she wanted to hear.  He smiled weakly at her.  "Thanks for saying that Pam."   

Her eyes were a storm of anger, confusion, and hurt.  "That's what I thought you said.  I just wanted to make sure I didn't misinterpret you," she replied, her voice a hoarse whisper. 

Her choice of words sliced open a wound he thought had long since healed.  Irrational anger streaked though his body.  "I think I am going to take off." 

Pam's face softened for a split second but the mask of indifference she had worn so well in the past took its place.  "Fine.  See you at work."  She turned and went to her bedroom, closing the door. 

Jim let himself out, pretending he didn't see the wet streaks on her face when she walked away. 

So Jim sat there at his desk beating himself up at how he had taken everything they had fixed and threw it so casually away.  Again it felt like they were on opposite sides of the earth.  He even figured out why he couldn't return Pam's declaration.  He was terrified.  Terrified that there would be no excuse this time.  He was single.  She was single.  If he said those three words he would be fully out there again with no safety net.  He should tell her his fears, but he knew it wouldn't do any good.  She wouldn't believe him.  She would think he was just being nice to spare her feelings. 

Dwight interrupted his self-pity.  "I should be the number two here.  Not you.  You look like a lost puppy sitting there.  People in charge should project authority and leadership, not weepy eyes and pitiful frowns.  I did not weep or frown when I sacrificed my flesh to the fire.  Beach Day should have been my crowning achievement, yet I still sit here subservient to you." 

He wasn't in the mood for Dwight today.  "Shut up Dwight."  Dwight puffed up his chest and prepared to retort but Michael chose that very moment to have another sobbing fit.  Dwight instantly bolted for his office and slammed the door shut.  "Small miracles," Jim murmured to himself.  Jim had to admit that he was impressed by what Dwight did that night.  He would have never done it.  This job isn't his life.  She is.  Images of her face, her eyes boring into him, as she told him how she felt in front of the entire office.  How she had laid it all out there, not knowing or expecting what his reaction would be.  She did it for him yes, but more importantly she did it for herself.  Pam that he knew in the past perhaps wouldn't believe him.  She would have assumed he was just being nice; sparing her his true feelings.  But she was not that person anymore.  She was stronger, and he had, to his chagrin, already taken that for granted. 

He swiveled around in his chair and looked at her.  She was sitting there, staring at her monitor.  He could tell by the dull look in her eyes that she was playing solitaire.  And purposely not looking at him.  He knew what he had to do.  Jim stood up.  "Uh, hey everyone.  I need your attention for a second.  I have something I need to say." 

"What about Michael and Dwight?  Shouldn't you wait for them?"  Andy asked. Jim shook his head.  "Nah, they're...otherwise tied up."  Stanley muttered something about crying and Phyllis shushed him.  She smiled at Jim and nodded at him to continue. 

All of a sudden his palms felt drenched in sweat and his mouth lost all moisture.  "Well, ah, I just wanted to say that I have been seeing Pam for about a month."  He could almost feel her staring at the back of his head.  "And I just wanted to say to everyone here-” he turned around and found her indeed staring at him, her mouth slightly open "-and more importantly to her, that I am in love with her.  I love you Pam."   

Various reactions rippled around the office from Kevin's snickering and Kelly's squeal to Andy's snort and Toby's sigh.  Jim didn't hear any of it though.  He was too fixated on Pam's shining eyes and small smile.  She didn't say anything, but he didn't say it expecting her to.  He smiled back at her and sat down at his desk.   

Just a couple of minutes passed before a ding alerted him to an incoming email.  It was from her.  He opened it and grinned.  Swiveling around, he once again was struck with her beauty despite her puffy red eyes and wet cheeks.  Still grinning, he silently mouthed at her, "You're welcome." 

 



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