I needed to pay the rent, and I was lucky to get this job. The pay is really pretty decent for simple work. The people here are crazy, I suppose, but I have plenty of time to do other things (I could play Solitaire professionally at this point) and really, how hard is it to answer a phone? If I am sure of anything, it is that I have a nice voice. I am actually a very good receptionist. Some days, though, I just get so frustrated- how long does it take to get your big break in this town? I should be singing on Broadway, making sweet music, using my gift to move people. Instead, I’m wasting it, little by little, call by call. It’s like the refrain is wearing a groove in my throat: “Dunder Mifflin, this is Grace,” over and over, forever.
Still, it’s not a horrible place, and the benefits are good. I never have to work overtime or weekends, so I have time for my voice lessons, and I can slip out for long lunches or take personal days for auditions. And some days…well, some days, things around here get downright interesting.
We had one of those “interesting” days about…oh, about a month and a half ago, I guess. It started out normal enough. My boss, David, came in, called me “Amazing Grace,” as usual (which…ugh), and then he let me know that the final three applicants for the new position would be coming in. I think I sprained something trying not to roll my eyes. The “new position” was really Jan’s job, and everybody in the building had known it for two weeks or more. Heck, I think Purdeep, the hot dog vendor on the street outside, had known about it for at least ten days.
Now, I like Jan. She’s a little abrupt, but always very polite and professional. Something about her always made me feel a little sorry for her, too, in a way that I couldn’t ever figure out until I found out about her divorce. She just tries so hard to seem all together that you can sort of sense that she’s not. I mean, that’s how she used to be. Lately, the “not all together” stuff has been a lot easier to see. No one was really surprised to hear that they were considering letting her go. I almost warned her, though. I mean, who wants to be blindsided like that? And like I said, I like Jan. But then she came back from her vacation with this insane boob job, and I realized that this was a kind of crazy I didn’t want any part of.
Oh, I guess I should back up a little bit. See, everybody knew that Jan had been sleeping with Michael Scott, the manager down in our Scranton branch. I’ve met Michael several times over the years- handsome, very friendly, and certifiably insane. I mean, just...you know how some people are really book smart but have no social skills or common sense? That’s Michael without the book smart part. Somehow, though, his branch always makes its numbers, so they keep him around. I’ve heard stories about him, like he’s some sort of Rainman when it comes to sales- somehow he just knows how to get people to buy stuff. I figure they must feel sorry for him, or just buy stuff so he’ll go away.
Like I said, though, Michael’s very handsome in a middle-management white dude way, and he’s a nice enough guy, so I could sort of understand Jan going there for some post-divorce rebounding. Not a smart move career-wise, since he reports to her, but understandable. But things got weird quick. Suddenly Jan was never around and her work was never done. She was sometimes all perky and cheerful, and other days downright bitchy. That went on for a few weeks, and then…I could not believe it, but apparently Michael broke up with Jan. Michael Scott, who is, like, the epitome of the “40-year-old virgin” stereotype, dumped gorgeous, successful Jan Levinson. The break room was buzzing, that’s for sure.
After the break-up, Jan moped around the office for a while, and that’s when the talk of her getting fired started. I thought it would die down, though, when she took a few days off. I figured she’d come back from her vacation all calmed down, back to her normal, professional demeanor. Instead, she came back looking like she’d been attacked by Pamela Anderson’s doctor in a dark alley. This wasn’t a rebound; this was psychosis.
OK, so where was I? Right, OK, so David told me that the final people were coming to apply for Jan’s job. I already knew that; it was in my appointment calendar. He left the lobby just before Jan came in. Again, I really was tempted to warn her- especially since her weird employee-slash-ex (or so I thought) was one of the applicants for her job. I opened my mouth, and then I caught a glimpse of something in her eye- like a minor chord across my nerves- and I knew that she was not going to take the news well. I decided I didn’t want it coming from me.
At 9:00 on the dot, the door opened and the three final applicants walked in. Michael was dressed neatly, his hair nicely combed- it is just shocking how unbalanced that man can be and look so normal. I glanced down at my computer screen to put names with the other two faces: Karen Fillippelli and Jim Halpert. Of course I recognized both names; Dunder Mifflin has a lot of branches but it isn’t that big of a company. I was pretty sure, once I saw him, that I’d met Jim before; he’d been up at some point to meet with Jan. His hair was different, and maybe he’d lost some weight, but it was definitely the same guy. He’s cute- my college roommate would have loved him. She liked tall gangly boys and was a sucker for a nice smile, and Jim has that.
I’d never met Karen before. She reminded me of just about every third girl at every audition I’ve ever been to. Not in her looks- there’s actually something unique and sort of exotic about her- but in the way she holds herself. Like she knows she’s special and she’s dying to prove it because she’s terrified you’ll think she’s not. I don’t know, maybe I’m wrong, but that was the vibe I got. One thing I could tell that I’m sure I’m not wrong about: she was over the moon for that Jim Halpert guy, and he wasn’t nearly as into her.
So the three of them were waiting: Michael, Jim, and Karen. I know they’re all from Scranton, so I was watching them pretty closely. Wait, that sounds bad. It’s not that I thought they were going to make off with the furniture or something, but I was just curious. I’d never seen Michael around people that he sees every day, you know? I figured maybe he was more relaxed with them, or that Scranton’s just full of lunatics, and that’s how they all get along. Whatever, it’s not like I had anything better to do, so I was keeping an eye on them.
Like I said, it was pretty clear that Karen had the hots for Jim. They sat really close on the small sofa (It’s always funny watching people trying to maneuver their personal space on that thing), but she was the one angling her body toward him or reaching out and touching his arm as she talked, that kind of thing. He looked really comfortable with the attention, but didn’t seem to initiate anything. I couldn’t figure out if it was a situation where she was pursuing him, or if it was one of those relationships where the guy thinks it is casual and the girl doesn’t, or if maybe they had one of those so-called “friends with benefits” deals that rarely end well. I suspected the latter, though. He seemed more interested in talking to Michael.
Finally, though, David called Michael in for his interview. Michael told the other two (loudly) not to wish him luck because they both needed it themselves, and then disappeared into the main part of the office. As soon as he left, Karen seemed to relax, snuggling up to Jim in a way that indicated that she either didn’t know or didn’t care that I was still sitting there. With a sheepish smile in my direction, Jim shifted away from her and said something softly in her ear. She glanced my way briefly and sat back, her lips compressing for a moment in displeasure. I heard her say something in a low voice about “receptionists,” but she covered it with a half smile and the phone at my desk rang before anything else was said.
For the next half hour, I answered e-mail and the pair of them made small talk. Every so often Karen would touch Jim’s hair or smooth his collar, and he accepted it without comment. Of course, he was also missing that little smile you see on the face of a guy who loves you fussin’ over him. It sounds like I’m harping on this, I know, but there’s a reason for that, I promise. I’m getting there.
Anyway, David paged me and asked me to send Karen back. He was done with Michael. I let Karen know (she thanked me graciously, but I wasn’t forgetting her “receptionists” remark, whatever it was). Jim wished her luck very sweetly, and then it was just the two of us in the lobby. He smiled at me and picked up a magazine, and I went back to work. Well, back to my crossword puzzle, anyway. It was nice and quiet and comfortable. For a while anyway. Remember, I said that day was “interesting”? Yeah, trust me; we’re just about to the interesting part.
