"Jonathan Matthew Halpert! Get down here right now!"

He heard the bellowing. It seemed to happen more frequently than not. Most people didn't "get" his sense of humor. Except his dad. He actually thought she would have found it yesterday, and he was kind of disappointed when he didn't hear her yelling for him after school. He thought he was home free, at least he hoped. Oh well, he had a few days to say he got away with it. So Jon heaved his lanky body off of the bed and flopped down the stairs in a huff.

As he turned the corner into the kitchen, his mother stood there, her arms crossed, a scowl on her face. She looked red, and he thought of cracking a joke but remembered he cherished his life. He'd stay quiet.

He didn't need her to tell him what was wrong. He already knew why she looked as if she was going to strangle him. So he casually folded his arms.

"You rang?"

"Don't take that tone with me," she said sharply. "What did you do?"

Jonathan sighed and shrugged. "I have no idea what you're talking about."

His mother opened and snapped her jaw shut.  She glared at him and then marched over to the family computer, her fingers swiftly hitting Control -Alt- Delete, as she logged the computer. Then she shot straight up and pointed.

Jon leaned forward and squinted. Wow, he got that many hits? Awesome.

"You tried to sell your brother on the Craig's List."

She was livid and maybe it was his sense of teenage slackerhood but he didn't see the big deal. It wasn't like he was really going to sell Ben. Ben was fifteen, he wouldn't have gone willingly.

"That got more hits than on the one on eBay."

Her eyes widened. "Oh my god! Have you-are you- what?"

"Mom, it was a joke!"

"It is NOT funny."

Jon watched her turn a new shade of red. "I'm sorry. But it wasn't funny when Ben deshort-ed me in gym class. Or when he told Nina I was only interesting in taking her to the prom because of her breasts...which was true but there's a code-"

"A code?" his mother looked confused but he pushed on.

"A brotherly code. Bros before-" He paused. Could he say 'ho' in front of his mother? Best not try right now. "-you know what...nevermind, but Ben had it comin'."

"Jon, take these off now," she commanded.

He frowned. He hated when she got all authoritative. Dad would get the joke. Dad always gets the jokes. Mom would sometimes, but then it was days like this, when discipline was necessary. For a moment, he stared back, their eyes meeting, willing the other to back down. No matter how much he had grown past her, she was freaking good at this whole MOM SAID DO IT NOW thing.

He blinked first. "Fine."

As he slumped into the chair to delete the sites, she smiled triumphly at him. "Thank you. And we're having Dad's favorite tonight."

Jon nodded as he clicked the keys on the keyboard. "What's up? He get a promotion or something?"

He heard the cabinets being opened and closed behind him. His mother's voice rang out. "Dunder Mifflin Scranton was number one this quarter."

Jon nodded. "How'd he achieve that? Seeing that Mike never lets him work."

"It's Mr. Scott to you. Be respectful." She replied pulling out a casserole dish.

"He likes me to call him Mike. He's supposed to be like my godfather or something."

He could feel her roll her eyes. She was at the oven when she said, "Uncle Mark is your godfather. Mich-Mr. Scott is just dad's boss. We've had this conversation before."

Jon nodded absentmindedly. He'd delete the eBay page later. Now he was checking his MySpace. "Speaking of Benjamin, where is my little brother? Or as I like to call him, Item #4308."

He heard her slam the fridge at his remark. It made him strangle down a laugh. "Dad's picking him up from practice. And then we're going to sit down and have dinner. Like normal people."

"Sure mom," Jon snorted as he logged into his email. Wow, five email offers for Ben. The world was full of crazy people. "Keep living the American Dream."

"All we need is a dog,"she replied and he heard her mixing something.

"We have Fluffy," he grimaced.

"So yeah, 2 kids, one dog. See?"

"Mom, Fluffy is a hamster."

"Close enough. Did you delete those pages?"

Jon didn't reply. He couldn't lie to her.

"Jonathan-"

"Okay! No need to keep shouting out my government name. Jeez."

"I swear Jon, you get that from your father, this sense of humor. But when you go to college this summer, you can't just joke your way through classes."

"Worked for dad. He has a job, hot wife, pair of strapping young boys."

His mom chuckled. "Yeah but that was luck."

Jon clicked the mouse and logged off the computer. He then turned around and looked at his mother. Her tongue was between her teeth as she mixed the batter. That determined look on her face. She even took off her cardigan.

"So what's going with the soft shelled crab?" he asked walking over, yawning and stretching. He shut his eyes for a moment, and when he opened them, his mom was staring directly at him, with an odd look on her face.

"Mom? Why are you staring at me? Cause it's freaking me out when you do that."

She shrugged and looked back at the mix. "You and your father just look so much a like."

"Damn genetics."

"Jon-"

"Damn is not a cuss word. DJ told me so. It's in the Bible," Jon said, sitting on the bar stool and reaching for an apple.

"And you choose to heed Dwight Jr.'s advice and counsel?" His mother asked as she cracked open eggs for the casserole.

"He reads the Bible three times a day. He's like the vice president of the Bible study club at school."

"There's a Bible study club?"

"It's just DJ and his brother Kurt. Kurt bought the votes."

"But it's only two members-" Pam stopped and frowned. Then she realized how the Schrute household works. "Oh..."

As he went to say something else, the front door slammed and he heard clumping footsteps. He smiled and bit into his apple. He waited until the footsteps got closer.

"You sold me on eBay?!"

Jon looked at his mom who frowned back at him. Why was he always the bad guy? Every one in his gym class saw his boxer briefs and Nina still refused to take his phone calls. He chewed his apple thoughtfully as he watched Ben's face match the redness of his mom's earlier.

"What can I say? You are a hot item, Ben."

"Dude, not cool." Ben ranted as he stomped to the fridge, swinging the door open violently.

"Neither was pulling down my shorts in gym class!"

His tall lanky father came into view, jingling his keys. "Jon, did you delete the pages?" He walked over to his wife and kissed her cheek and she smiled happily before going back to her earlier scowl directed at Jon.

Jon bit the apple again. "Yes, sir."

"Here's the thing, that was dangerous," His father said sternly. Behind him, Ben pointed and laughed, silently taunting him.

Jon fought the urge to put the page back up. "It wasn't like I was going to ship him for real!"

"Human trafficking is not a joke," his mother said and his father shot her a look as if he wanted to laugh at her statement, but instead cleared his throat.

"Jon. You're seventeen. You're the older brother. You have to be an example. It wouldn't be funny if Ben did that to you. He could have been sold to someone in a third world country!"

"I said I didn't accept foreign currency," he muttered.

"That is not the point and you know it," As he listened to his father lecture, he made a cutthroat gesture as Ben stuck out his tongue and walked out the kitchen to go to his room.

"Stop!" his father pointed and wagged his finger. Jon looked at him crosseyed. That dastardly Ben got away with it again. As Jon gets reamed out, he makes faces and no one sees. He will pay. "Don't do that! Do NOT gesture threats to decapitate your brother. You have to be his big brother, his protector."

Jon slammed the apple down. "No one ever asked me if I wanted a brother. No one consulted me first! He just showed up. It's too much pressure!"

He looked as serious as he could before bursting out laughing.

"Jim," his mother sighed heavily as his father burst out laughing as well. They could never be serious.

"Pam, I'm sorry but the kid is just...awesome. eBay, really." He nodded his head approvingly and Jon grinned smugly. But an eye glare from his mother made his father drop the smile and dart his eyes nervously around the room.

"Jim-!"

"I'm just saying, it takes alot to plan something like that. It's a good prank."

"He tried to sell our second born child," his mom said through clenched teeth.

"Okay so that wasn't good. But still...okay okay," His father waved his hands in surrender.  "It was wrong Jonathan, very very wrong."

"It's dangerous," Pam stated angrily. "All the perverts out there."

"Mom, I took it right off, I swear."

"It's cool. Just don't do it again. Okay?" He knew his dad was serious, but he wasn't going to make a big deal about it. But just for kicks, Jon had to be a bit funny.

"What? I offered free shipping."

"Jon-"

He shrugged. "Alright! Look, I admit I was wrong. DJ did it to Kurt and no one took the bait. How was I supposed to know Ben would sell like hotcakes.""

He watched his father shake his head. "Do his parents know this?"

"I don't know," Jon shrugged. "He also said he came with a potato gun as extra incentive but no one bid on him."

His mother frowned. "I have to warn Angela. You boys have to stop this."

"Great, now's he going to be forced to stew beets as punishment." Jon said pitifully.

"Wow, I still can't get over Dwight's kid being your best friend."

"Dad, it's been since middle school. And it doesn't make it easier for me when I go to his house and his dad has to run a security wand over me because he thinks YOU planted a bomb on me. Then his mom always threatens to cut my hair."

"Good ole Dwight. I made him think his cell phone was a transmitter to Narnia the other day. Good times."

Jon had to chuckle. Even still his dad was a prankster. "Hey dad, want to hear my new chick magnet song on the stings?"

"Oh you mean on the guitar I got you four years ago that you just STARTED playing," his father smiled and reached in the fridge to get a juice. "What is it? Mary had a little lamb? Because that always worked for me with the ladies."

"Cooler. Miss Mary Mack."

He watched his dad look over at his mom, a silent conversation passing between them. They did that alot, and sometimes he wondered what they were talking about. Sometimes, depending on the twinkle in his dad's eye, he really didn't want to know. His mom smiled warmly at older lanky man and nodded. "Go ahead, dinner will be ready in like twenty minutes. Tell Ben to wash his hands."

"BEN! Mom said take a shower you dirty beast!"

"Jim!" his mom hissed.

Jon laughed at his father's antics and that caused another death stare from his mother.

"Both of you drive me nuts."

Jon shrugged as his father shook his head and walked backward out the kitchen. "Going upstairs. Bellow for me when the soft shelled crab is done."