Toast With Jam

By Jody E.

"Hello. This is Pam. I can’t take your call right now. Please leave a message at the beep."

"Hey. It’s me. It’s Wednesday night about 7:30 PM. I guess you’re not home yet. I’ll try you again later."

"Hello?"

"Hey Mom."

"Oh, hi, honey. How are you doing?"

"Great. Did I call at a bad time?"

"No. Not at all. Your Dad and I were just about to watch a movie, but we hadn’t started it yet."

"What movie?"

"Mr. and Mrs. Smith."

"Really?"

"Yes. We wanted to see exactly how Brangelina got started. Or at least I did."

"Oh. Well, that will do it."

"So I hear. So...tell me…are you all ready for your trip?"

"Yep. The limo comes at 6 AM tomorrow."

"Ooh, a limo..."

"It’s just an airport limo, Mom. Not the Brangelina kind. I didn’t want to use long term parking and I don’t know anybody here well enough to ask them to drive me to Kennedy airport at 6 AM."

"Why so early? What time is your flight?"

"9:00. But it takes a while to get to Kennedy, and the airlines want us there an hour before flight time."

"Have you got everything you need? Have you got your passport?"

"Passport? I need a passport? Oh no! Why didn’t you tell me this months ago? Do you think the passport stores are still open?"

"Now you’re just mocking me."

"Well, of course."

"It’s not nice to mock your mother. After all, I brought you into this world…I’ll never forget that night…"

"Oh no! Not the 17 hours of labor story! Anything but that! Please. I promise. No more mocking."

"Okay. Just don’t forget. I’ve got the story, and I’m not afraid to use it."

"I’ll be good. Hey, you’d really like my passport photo, though. My eyes are actually open."

"You’re kidding! Well, maybe after your trip you could frame it for me and I could hang it on the wall."

"Well, maybe if Dad would ever wait until people were actually ready before taking pictures…"

"He gets impatient."

"I know. And we’ve got the photos to prove it. You know, I got myself a new digital camera to take on this trip. And what’s nice about digital, is you can see the photos right after you take them, so if the kangaroo has his eyes closed, I can take another. I should get Dad one of those. Maybe for a belated Father’s Day gift when I get back."

"Aren’t they kind of expensive?"

"Hey, I’m a manager now. They pay me in real money. So from now on you get real presents. No more keepsake boxes made out of Popsicle sticks."

"And covered with macaroni? That one was my favorite."

"Yes, I know. I can’t believe you actually showed that thing to Pam, when she was there on Memorial Day."

"She admired it. What could I do?"

"Well, at least you didn’t tell her the 17 hours of labor story."

"So...have you got enough warm clothes for this trip?"

"You did tell her. Didn’t you! You just met her, for Heaven’s sake. Were you trying to scar her for life?"

"She was very sweet about it. And after all, she is going to be a part of the family. Isn’t she?"

"Yes. Yes, she is. Thanks, Mom "

"Anytime."

"So...what would you and Dad like me to bring you back from down under? I promised Davie a kangaroo."

"A real one?"

"Sure. I have this pouch in my backpack, and it would be just perfect for smuggling…"

"Oh yeah...that’s just what they need in that house. A giant jumping rat."

"Well, he’ll probably have to settle for a stuffed one. But what about you? Do you and Dad need a boomerang? Or how about a didgereedoo?"

"A what? Oh...one of those musical instrument things? No. Not really. Ooh...you know…opals come from Australia, right? Opals are my birthstone."

"Yeah, nice try, Mom. Your birthday’s in March. But I do plan to visit an opal mine, so I’ll see what I can do."

"Well, you don’t have to spend your money on us, honey. Just be sure to take lots of pictures. Do you want to speak to your Dad?"

"Sure."

"John…come here and talk to your only son before he goes to the other side of the world! Have a good time, honey and be careful, okay? We love you."

"I love you too, Mom."

"Jim?"

"Hey, Dad. "

"So...Australia, huh?"

"Yep.’

"Long flight."

"14 hours. From Los Angeles. And I still have to get there."

"I hope you’ve got a good book."

"I do. Several."

"How’s Pam?"

"She’s great. I hardly ever get to see her, but we’re coping so far."

"She’s a nice girl."

"She is."

"Okay...well, have a good trip. Send us a postcard."

"Will do. Bye, Dad."

"Hello. This is Pam. I can’t take your call right now. Please leave a message at the beep."

"Hey, Pam. It’s me again. It’s about 8:00. Did you say you were going out tonight? Why don’t you give me a call when you get in? Okay. Bye."

"Hello. This is Pam. I can’t take your call right now. Please leave a message at the beep."

"Oh...it’s me again. It just occurred to me...duh...I need to give you my new phone number. It’s 203-323-7344. My limo is picking me up at 6 AM tomorrow, but you can call me whenever you get in. From...wherever you are. Well, bye."

Jim paced restlessly about his largely empty apartment. He was all packed. His backpack, jacket and laptop for carry on, and one medium suitcase to check. He wanted to travel as light as possible, but he did need warmish clothes and they took room. He had arranged for his mail to be held at the post office, he didn’t subscribe to a newspaper yet, and he had no dogs or cats that needed care. Not even a plant to water. Which was just as well, since he hadn’t even met his neighbors yet.

He sat down and took out the manual that came with his camera. Maybe he should practice with it a bit, since he had just gotten it this afternoon. The salesman had shown him how to use it, but perhaps the best time to experiment wasn’t while standing under the Sydney Harbor Bridge.

He walked around his apartment taking pictures, and checking them out on the little view screen. And giving a running commentary on the thrilling slide show he was creating, "And here is my brand new toaster oven, which just this morning delivered two perfectly done slices of toast. Say cheese. Oh...and my old coffee maker…. Smile for the cameras, Mr. Coffee. Oh...and now we are out of the kitchen and here is my ratty old armchair...where did you come from anyway? Some garage sale, I think. And here is the bedroom…nice new bed…check it out! And here is my new telephone, which has not yet rung. Even though it’s almost 8:30. "

Jim put the camera away in his backpack, and sat down in his ratty armchair to watch television. Oh right…no cable yet. He hadn’t been able to schedule an appointment before he left. His DVD player was still in its box from the move. Did he really feel like installing it just so he could watch movies that he’d already seen? Not so much. He turned on his computer. No new e-mail since the last one from Pam this afternoon. Well, she doesn’t have a computer at home, so what did he expect? He sent a quick e-mail to his friend Dan, teasing him about his lame attempt to use the goat story on Pam. And one to his sister and Ted, thanking them for inviting Pam to their house this weekend. And he sent one to Dwight congratulating him on his engagement. Of course the guy would probably be afraid to open it, fearing computer viruses or worse, but he did make the attempt. All of this killed about 20 minutes. Hey…he could pretend to be at work and play a computer game. He could even play with the sound on. But computer games lost a lot of their appeal, Jim found, when they weren’t forbidden.

Damn it...he wanted to talk to Pam. It had only been three days since he had seen her, though it seemed much longer, but he had two Pamless weeks ahead of him. And then who knows how long before he could get her here to Stamford. He just wanted to hear her voice and maybe make a little love on the phone...it was better than nothing.

"Hello. This is Pam. I can’t take your call right now. Please leave a message at the beep."

"Hi. It’s me. It’s a little after 9:00. I hope that everything’s all right. I was really hoping to talk to you tonight. Anyway, call me when you get in."

It’s only 9:00, Jim told himself. It’s early. If she went out to the movies or something with, uh Stacy, maybe or whoever, it’s no big deal. She’ll call when she gets in. She knows you’re leaving. She said she wanted to talk to you tonight. So she will.

The downstairs buzzer startled Jim out of his reverie. That’s weird, he thought; who would be visiting me at this time of night? Oh please…let it not be Mitch! He went over to the old fashioned intercom and pushed the button, "Who’s there?" he called out.

"Candygram," said a familiar voice. What the hell? Jim pushed the buzzer to open the front door and quickly ran into the bathroom to brush his teeth. He heard the bong of his doorbell and ran to the door and opened it. There stood Pam, overnight bag in hand, and a big smile on her face. Jim stood there, momentarily speechless at the sight of her.

"Hi. I was driving by and I thought to myself...hey doesn’t Jim Halpert live near here?"

His voice was slowly coming back, "Pam? "

"Can I come in?"

"What? Oh…My God! Pam! Yes...come in...But...but this is crazy…It’s a two and a half hour drive."

"More like three…I got kind of lost near White Plains."

"You came all this way just to see me?"

"Yep. And you would think that I would at least get a kiss hello. Or a hug. Or something."

Jim laughed and put his arms out and Pam went into them. He wrapped his arms around her, "Oh Pam, I’m sorry. I’m like this with surprises. Don’t ever give me a surprise party…I turn into a total idiot." He kissed her, rejoicing in the feel and taste of her, "Oh sweetheart...you have no idea how glad I am to see you. I was going nuts here this evening. You have no idea…I was talking to my toaster!"

Pam laughed with relief; "I was so nervous all the way here. I was sure it was going to be a big mistake...I mean every movie or TV show that I have ever seen, whenever the girl shows up unexpectedly...it’s always a total disaster."

"Oh, you mean like the other woman I have hidden in the bedroom?"

Pam grinned, "Exactly. Though if you have another woman in the bedroom, why were you talking to your toaster?"

"My toaster is more intelligent. Candi can’t even make toast."

Pam laughed, and handed her bag to Jim, "So...show me around. I need the tour."

"Hey, don’t you have work tomorrow?"

Pam shrugged, "I told Michael that you were leaving for Australia tomorrow and that I needed a personal day, so that I could come here and see you off properly. He was delighted. In fact, he took all the credit for bringing us together."

"He’s not entirely wrong, "Jim said, leading Pam into the kitchen, "On the worst night of my life, he gave me hope, told me never to give up. So...in spite of his general doofiness as a boss, I’ll always be grateful to Michael for that. And here is the kitchen."

"I recognized it right away. And the intelligent toaster. Very nice. A little bare."

"Well, I have the basic minimum I need for survival. But not much more."

"It takes time."

Jim took Pam’s hand. "I took this little table and chairs from my old house."

"I remember. Oh...your living room is really big."

"I think it just looks that way because there’s nothing in it but one chair and a TV...come into the bedroom."

"You’ve just been dying to say that."

"Don’t you know it."

"Oh now this is an interesting look. What do you call this… "Early Monastery?’"

"That’s sure what it’s felt like since I’ve moved in."

"Looks like Candi escaped out the window."

"Yeah, she probably forgot it’s four flights up."

"Well, I’ve just been in a car for three hours. Where’s the bathroom?"

"Right through there. I think it’s clean. I haven’t lived here long enough to really mess it up."

While waiting for Pam to return, Jim looked around the room. It did look very sterile and monk like. No curtains or bedspread, and nothing on the walls. The only personal touches were a framed photo of Pam in a blue bathing suit posing on a Waverunner, and an unframed sketch of himself that Pam had drawn three and a half years ago. The sketch was on his bureau, and the photo was on his bedside table next to the lamp and his new clock radio.

"I almost forgot, "Pam said, coming out of the bathroom, "I brought you a housewarming present." She opened her overnight bag and brought out a bottle of champagne, in a brown paper bag. She handed it to Jim.

"It’s still cold!"

Pam laughed, "I bought it in the liquor store a block from here. I thought we could toast your new apartment."

Jim looked at his new bed, "Or christen something, " he put the champagne down on the bureau." I’ll go get some glasses."

Pam rummaged in her overnight bag. Everything was cold and slightly damp from the champagne. She pulled out a sheer black negligee, and shook it out gently, and laid it on the bed. "You see, I went to the mall after work this evening to get a new pair of sneakers." She said to Jim who had returned with two wineglasses. "And I saw this in the window of Victoria’s Secret. Well, once I bought it, I couldn’t very well wait weeks to try it out, could I?"

"No…you couldn’t. Absolutely." Jim agreed.

"So, I ate a couple of slices of pizza at Sbarros and hopped in my car and drove straight here. I know I should have called along the way, but…"

"This was much more fun." He picked up the negligee and handed it to Pam, "So..? I’ll open the champagne."

Pam disappeared into the bathroom. Jim was having trouble achieving the coordination necessary to open the bottle of champagne, but finally the cork came out with a little hiss, and he poured it into the two glasses. Must buy champagne glasses, was his last coherent thought as Pam came out of the bathroom, blushing, in a gown which left nothing to the imagination.

She twirled around, "So what do you think? Better than that ratty blue thing?"

"Hey, "Jim managed, "Don’t say anything against that blue nightshirt. Some of my all time favorite memories involve that ratty blue thing, as you call it. But this…well, "wow’ seems inadequate." Jim had a sudden thought, "Wait one sec." He ran out of the room.

Well, that was unexpected, thought Pam. But when Jim returned a moment later with a shiny new digital camera, she understood, "Whoa there…you have got to be kidding me!"

"Aw...Pam…just one photo...to bring with me on my trip? I won’t show it to anybody or post it on the Internet or anything gross like that. We can do it as modest and tasteful as you like, and you get final approval…okay? But, please don’t make me go all the way to Australia with nothing but pictures of my toaster!"

Pam had to laugh at that. "Oh...okay. But first I had better have some of this champagne."

They drank to Jim’s trip and his new apartment, and his new bed, and the sneakers that Pam had forgotten to buy. And somewhere between toasting the new apartment and the new bed, they started kissing. By the time the limo driver arrived at 6 the next morning, they had gone through the bottle of champagne and a bottle of red wine that Jim had brought from his old house, made love at least twice, though the definitions kind of got blurred by around 3 AM, and took an entire disc of photos, most of which they had the good sense to erase. Jim did end up with three PG-13 shots to take with him on his trip, and all the NC-17 memories he needed to get him through the next two weeks.

"Hello. This is Pam. I can’t take your call right now. Please leave a message at the beep."

"Hi sweetheart. The limo driver is downstairs, and you’re sound asleep, so I’m not going to wake you. But you looked so beautiful lying there that it was all I could do to tear myself away. I just want to thank you for last night. It was incredible. I still can’t believe that you came all the way here for me, like that. What an amazing woman you are...and full of surprises. And I love you and I miss you already and I’ll see you in two weeks. Bye."

The end