“Moooooooon River, wiiiiider than a miiiiiiiiile. I’m crooooooosing yoou in style, somedaaaaaaaaay,” the words echoed loudly off the brick walls of the alleyway between Poor Richards and the dress shop next door.

            Pam giggled from her position under Jim’s arm, trying to stifle the noise in his chest when he leaned more heavily into her as the copious amounts of alcohol he’d consumed that night began to hit him full force.

            “Hey Beeeezley,” he slurred, catching her attention. His generous mouth was pulled back in that dopey grin that always made him look all of twelve. With his new hair cut all askew, he came across as adorable as a ten-year-old. He squinted his hazel eyes and poked at the end of her nose with this long index finger. “Yer so cute,” and then it was his turn to giggle.

            Pam shook her head with a bemused smile. “You’re lucky I love you so much, Halpert,” she said. “Otherwise, I’d have left you at the mercy of Michael and Dwight.” Jim pulled a comically disgruntled face at her comment.

            “That’s just mean, Beez,” he pouted. “You’d drink too if you had to sit between the two of them talking about how to satisfy my woman’s ‘needs’.” His exaggerated grimace said it all.

            “That’s not really what they were talking about all night, was it?” She asked, amazed and horrified.

            He nodded emphatically. “They started out by warning me that if I let the sex get boring, you’d drop me flat, like you did Roy,” he shuddered at them memory, closing his eyes. “Then, that somehow led to them trying to one up each other on how they kept their “little women” satisfied in the sack. I thought if I drank enough beer, I could drown it all out, but it didn’t work at all. Pam, I’m lucky I got outta there alive! I don’t care how much they tease me Monday about being whipped! It was AWEFUL!”

            She couldn’t stop the loud burst of laughter that escaped her. After ten years with Roy, she had come to dread the “boys’ night out” at the bar. Drunk Roy was one of two things, ruff and angry, or callous and dismissive.  Both had hurt her repeatedly in the past.  Drunk Jim on the other hand, was always entertaining. When he came back from a night out with Mark and his basketball buddies, he was all smiles, tickles, and sloppy kisses.  On nights like tonight, when he was forced to play BFFs with Michael, he would pout like a little boy, cuddling up and clinging to her seeking a sympathetic embrace. He always amused her on these rare occasions when he got like this and she had learned very quickly what to do with a drunken Halpert.

            “Aww, poor Jimmy,” she cooed and ran her fingers through his thick hair. “Did they make you picture Jan and Angela naked?”

            “Worse Beesley,” his voice grave and wide eyes serious. “I had to picture THEM naked!”

            “That’s cruel and unusual punishment right there,” she commiserated and he bobbed his head up and down in agreement. “Would chocolate chip pancakes when we get back to my place make it all better?”

            ‘Yes, Beesley,” He smiled brightly. “They would in deed.”