Ideas for Cold Openings (the pre-title gags) always pop into my head. So these will be just a bunch of teasers that, hopefully, you will find funny. I don't know how many I will post but I'll keep putting them up as they occur to me.
1. Dummies by kgreene [Reviews - 47] 
15 (460 words)
2. Ask Dwight by kgreene [Reviews - 15] 2 (422 words)
3. Wacked by kgreene [Reviews - 8] 3 (511 words)
4. 300 by kgreene [Reviews - 8] (261 words)
5. Early by kgreene [Reviews - 12] 5 (342 words)
6. Up To Speed by kgreene [Reviews - 4] 1 (252 words)
7. Peanuts - Super-Hero Parent Killers by kgreene [Reviews - 7] 2 (371 words)
8. Four Stars by kgreene [Reviews - 13] 5 (478 words)
Since this is, for all intents and purposes, a JAM site primarily... I decided to write something with that focus. You know... " Give the people what they want." Hope you like!
9. A Rose By Any Other Name by kgreene [Reviews - 8] 4 (299 words)
10. Sleep Over by kgreene [Reviews - 4] 1 (393 words)
11. The Other by kgreene [Reviews - 6] 2 (460 words)
Wow. I couldn’t dream up any new Cold Openings for about 2 days before the season premiere. I was just too wired. I couldn’t wait to see it and boy, it was worth it. Hilarious. And Jim and Pam? I’m a grown man that loves football, cartoons and Jet Li movies and I can’t look at that Entertainment Weekly cover of those two holding hands without staring at it and smiling. Good, good stuff.
Well, I came up with some more C/O’s… hope you guys like!
12. Bag man by kgreene [Reviews - 5] 1 (412 words)
I've had this idea for a sight gag for awhile now... but with no place to use it. But the Cold Opening of the season premiere gave me the opportunity....
13. Business Cards by kgreene [Reviews - 5] 1 (665 words)
14. Subterior Motive by kgreene [Reviews - 5] (208 words)
Yay!! It's back up!!! But I KNEW this would happen! I wrote an Andy/Angela cold opening the week before last and I wanted to get it in 'cause I KNEW they were gonna have those two doing something. Damn. Well, I'm still gonna put this in... Andy is a little more of a prick here than he's been so far this season. Pretend this was the Cold Opening for last nights episode... or last weeks...
15. The Joker Quit and Went to Staples. by kgreene [Reviews - 7] (647 words)
16. Battle Buddies by kgreene [Reviews - 4] (606 words)
17. Honest Abe Vs. Mighty Mouse by kgreene [Reviews - 11] 3 (659 words)
Ok... I've officially lost my mind.
18. Anatomy of an Office by kgreene [Reviews - 6] 1 (426 words)
Kinda cheating here. I'm using this cold open in a script that I'm putting up right after this. I hope you guys read the script, I know they are long but I'm hoping you'll like. And it will actually get a little angsty later on, too! (I'll say anything to get you to read it...lol... but it will, seriously!)
19. The Invitation by kgreene [Reviews - 9] (675 words)
20. Sex and the Silly by kgreene [Reviews - 12] 2 (466 words)
Ok... I have been CRAZY lately. Everything is topsy-turvy... I definitely want to finish " Employee Withholding" but there's a lot to it. Hopefully soon, once I navigate the craziness that's happening. But I had this idea yesterday for a Cold Opening so I just said " Screw it! Just squeeze it in!" That's what she... ah, sorry. Couldn't help myself...
21. Schrute on a Shingle by kgreene [Reviews - 7] 1 (495 words)
This writers strike has got me seriously bummed... I TOTALLY agree with them... but Jenna Fischer said on her blog today that there are only two unaired episodes after tonight. That will suck ROYALLY if it goes that far. These people create and make us laugh and cry... they HAVE to be properly compensated. Man... Well, I'm still writing "Employee Withholding" ( I'm hurrying, Shassafras!)but this one popped into my head this morning. Hope ya like!
22. Brothers Gonna Work It Out by kgreene [Reviews - 7] 2 (608 words)
Songs gets referenced (and credited) all the time here so I better do likewise. There are two recordings with this title. One is the classic by Willie Hutch from the 1973 Blaxploitation film "The Mack" and the other is one of my top five favorite Public Enemy tracks. Hope you like!
23. Cloverfield: The Office Review by kgreene [Reviews - 5] 1 (544 words)
Boy, been away too long. Real life intervened... but I am trying to get back into the swing of things. I hope to have more stuff up soon. Now... saw Cloverfield on Saturday... so naturally, I come out thinking about The Office. lol... SPOILERS, SPOILERS, SPOILERS for the movie. If you haven't seen it yet, skip this. If you have or just don't care, have at it.
24. The Gift by kgreene [Reviews - 5] 1 (937 words)
Still pissed that we got jerked out of a Christmas episode this year. Damn... So I thought I'd try a little Christmas-related opening this time....
25. Three The Hard Way by kgreene [Reviews - 6] 2 (463 words)
Let me preface this by saying that I don't think they would do this on the show. I try very hard to do openings that I think would be written for the show but I really don't think they would do this. But I couldn't help myself. It also negates an opening I did earlier called "Up To Speed", which is something else I didn't want to do. But, again, I couldn't help myself. lol... and one more thing. This title is WAY more sexual than I intended it to be... lol...
26. Victoria's Secret Service by kgreene [Reviews - 6] 3 (734 words)
27. Height Anxiety by kgreene [Reviews - 5] (798 words)
28. Dread and Breakfast by kgreene [Reviews - 3] 1 (514 words)
29. Spouse Coverage by kgreene [Reviews - 3] (289 words)
Another one that probably wouldn't happen... but I wanted to write something sweet. Not sure what's wrong with me...lol..
30. Private Dick by kgreene [Reviews - 2] (734 words)
This is one of the few ideas I've had where I know exactly where the idea came from. This is entirely because I watched Vertigo on TCM a couple of weeks ago. Blame Hitchcock.
31. Paper JAM by kgreene [Reviews - 2] (787 words)
32. After "Dinner" by kgreene [Reviews - 4] 3 (475 words)
Haven't written in awhile. Needed some inspiration... and I got it the form of "Dinner Party"! I normally don't link my Cold Openings directly to a particular episode but " Dinner Party" was such a classic cringefest that I had to latch on to it. Hope you like!
33. NY Dreamin'... by kgreene [Reviews - 4] (329 words)
Was shootin' the s@#! with the good folks over at the Life in the Office forum and they basically inspired me to write this new one. Thanks Bob, HotDog Fingers and DunderMifflin_thisisPam... you guys are the BEST.
34. Red, Dwight and Blue by kgreene [Reviews - 3] (428 words)
35. The Job-Again. by kgreene [Reviews - 1] (500 words)
Might end up re-writing this one... not sure of it. Didn't quite come out like I planned... Let me know what you think, please!
36. Top Ten by kgreene [Reviews - 5] (274 words)
37. Catching up by kgreene [Reviews - 2] 2 (563 words)
Not feeling any love review-wise from the last bunch of C/O's I've written... I'd love some feedback from you guys, let me know if I'm on the right track. Thanks!
38. Lord of the Ring by kgreene [Reviews - 10] 3 (481 words)
Another phone conversation opening... and a really silly one at that. But I like to try to write things where there's more than one thing being discussed at the same time. Hope you like! And reviews are like Pam Beesly in glasses. Great to look at. : )
39. Roy by kgreene [Reviews - 3] (497 words)
Yup. Roy. Let me know whatcha think!
40. Route 476 to Middle-Earth by kgreene [Reviews - 6] 1 (640 words)
Another Lord Of The Rings inspired opening.... Dwight is SO easy to have fun with. I'll probably use Battlestar or Harry Potter next time... : ) And please, I'd love to hear back from ya!
41. Five Foot Four Casts a Long Shadow by kgreene [Reviews - 8] 1 (1200 words)
Ok. This is a long one (That's what she said). A Cold Opening told from the perspective of a new character named Tiffany. Well, not new for me. We saw Tiffany in "Roy". Sorta. See, when I came up with this one I decided that the name Elaine (as she was called in that one) didn't really give the attitude I was looking for. So I went back and changed it. Just a personal thing. Anyway, I hope you like!
42. Can Vikings Drive a Stick? by kgreene [Reviews - 6] 1 (469 words)
43. Slick Days by kgreene [Reviews - 8] 1 (835 words)
Yet another prank C/O. And I have another one in the wings...boy, i LOVE to mess with Dwight.
44. Shower Power by kgreene [Reviews - 3] (1220 words)
First of all, MAD props go out to my main man, Bob Nicoteri, who dreamt up this C/O over on the Life In The Office forum. Bob is actually from Scranton, so he KNOWS Office. I never would've thought of this one and I really enjoyed fleshing it out. So, consequently, I snuck Mr. Bob into the mix... just a small token of my appreciation... thanks, Bob!
45. Halpert in the Middle by kgreene [Reviews - 8] 2 (625 words)
46. This Land's Not Your Land, This Land Is MY Land by kgreene [Reviews - 7] 1 (836 words)
Took me a LONG time to finally touch this subject. I had about 5 different angles on it but couldn't bring it together. Now I have. Hopefully. I hope you like! Let me know what you think!
47. Double-teamed by kgreene [Reviews - 5] (689 words)
Over on the Life in the Office forum we were goofing around about Donna (one of the great Lito-ites) being in a Cold Opening. Donna suffers from a serious case of Jim Halpert/John Krasinski-itis , as I imagine most women on this site do. So, we thought it would be fun to have her meet him. But I'm sorry, Donna, I could not have you sleep with Jim. They would take my MTT.Just-once writers card away if I wrote that...lol...
48. Eyes Wide Shut by kgreene [Reviews - 5] (482 words)
49. Pigs in (Office) Space by kgreene [Reviews - 7] 2 (981 words)
Really should've found a different title but I couldn't help myself. Also, the comedy in this one is a little broad (I know, I shouldn't call comedy a little broad, she doesn't deserve it). Hope you like!
50. My Big Fat Geek Wedding by kgreene [Reviews - 10] 4 (546 words)
Hey, everybody! Been awhile. Had to recharge a bit. But I finally have a new one and I hope you guys like! One thing: Not sure about this title. I wanted to do a Batman or Joker type pun or something but I couldn't come up with anything better. If anybody has a better, funnier title , I'll change this one. So fire 'em my way. I'd appreciate it!
51. Jimmy, Don't Be a Hero. by kgreene [Reviews - 4] (443 words)
More nonsense, "Crime Aid" related. So spoilers for that, I guess (like no one has seen it!). Hope you like!
52. This Is How Stan Lee Got Started by kgreene [Reviews - 5] 2 (427 words)
I'd like you guys to play director on this one. Pam and Michael are talking on the phone and there are cameras on both of them so you can decide in your head who is being filmed and who is being heard on the phone at any given moment. Wheee, fun! Really, it's just me being too lazy to write all that down. lol... seriously though, scripts probably don't provide all of that anyway, I imagine. I have to check on that.. Anyway, hope you guys like!
53. Wrecks and the City by kgreene [Reviews - 3] 1 (413 words)
I picture this happening very soon after the end of "Customer Survey"... so spoilers for that, I guess. Hope you like!
54. Orientation by kgreene [Reviews - 3] (754 words)
I was about halfway through this C/O when "Business Trip" aired and that episode definitely changed a few things. So, being too lazy to re-write it, I am placing this one before that episode. This one sorta stemmed from me wanting to attempt a C/O with everyone in it. So that means the conference room. Where the absolutely dumbest conversations take place. Hope you guys like!
55. Why Ask Why? by kgreene [Reviews - 3] 2 (703 words)
Over on the Life in the Office forum site i got into a discussion with Bob (from Scranton!) about Michael and Toby. Bob wanted to see why Michael hated Toby so much. He wanted to have it explained in some way, like an explanation of some past incident. And my position was... why? It's not important. We don't need any particular incident to understand it. Michael just hates Toby. Toby kills Michael's dopey ideas. So we went back and forth about it and Bob suggested I write a C/O about it. Wow. Looking back at the back and forth posts we had, I realize now that I completely misunderstood something Bob wrote. And I can't re-write this now. Oh, man. I can't explain yet. lol.. I will write it below. BOY, am I stupid... lol...
56. WWDD? (What Would Dwight Do?) by kgreene [Reviews - 3] (550 words)
Once again, I am inspired by another Life In The Office Forum conversation. The lovely and talented Donna, one of the crack administrators (why doesn't that sound right?) recently went to Sandals, Jamaica (yes she did! She really did! And she had a great time. But no racy pics, alas...) and she wrote about what Toby discusses in this C/O. And Donna wrote "I was thinking.. what would Dwight do?" And we just said "Wow, that's gotta get into a Cold Opening somehow". And here it is. Once again, LITO is to blame! Hope you guys like!
57. Christmas Wrapping by kgreene [Reviews - 4] (576 words)
Here ya go, Callisto! And thanks to a suggestion by Donna at LITO, it's a Christmas one. Now, I just survived a real bloodletting at my job (wow, people are just getting laid off EVERYWHERE) so I'm not sure how funny this is. But I hope you like and I really appreciate you reading it. Have a merry Christmas, everyone.
58. Spoiled Punch by kgreene [Reviews - 3] 1 (1012 words)
My last one for the year. I hope you guys like!
59. Holding The Bag by kgreene [Reviews - 4] 2 (709 words)
This came about because I heard my boss ask a co-worker for a tea bag... and since I am such an adolescent, this is what I came up with.
60. The "IN" Crowd by kgreene [Reviews - 3] (470 words)
WOW. I feel rusty. This one was a struggle for some reason. I hope you like, and if not, please be kind. : )
61. Candid Camera by kgreene [Reviews - 3] 1 (741 words)
This is the first Cold Opening that ever came to me in a dream. That's a little scary.
62. Starting Over by kgreene [Reviews - 6] 4 (783 words)
Whew... Been a long time. But life stress ( and a serious case of writers block) put me on the shelf. But I finally have this new one and some ideas for more. I've been away for too long and I hope to be a regular again (reader and writer). Hope you like!
63. Knocked Up and Locked Up by kgreene [Reviews - 4] 1 (695 words)
Yeah, you know what this concerns. Initially I had no idea what to do with the big news in Cold Opening form. But it came to me. This takes place the next work day after the finale. Hope you like!
64. Hummer Madness by kgreene [Reviews - 3] 1 (857 words)
Wow, been a little while since I last posted. I don't know, it's been very hard to get a Cold Opening up and running lately. Maybe because different things are going on in my life now and I'm trying to focus more on my artwork. I don't know. Maybe I just need to sit down and watch a slew of episodes. That might do the trick.
Anyway, this one came about, once again, because of a thread on the Life in the Office forums. A while ago, we (Bob, Donna, Hot Dog Fingers, Jossifer and myself) got into a discussion about Pam's Yaris. Yeah, it's been a little slow. And maybe publicly discussing Pam's Yaris is in poor taste ; ) ). Then we started speculating about Jim and Pam getting a more family friendly vehicle. Bob (from Scranton! Really!) then suggested a great C/O idea where Dwight tells Jim and Pam that they should buy a Hummer, which really sounds like something Dwight would suggest for a family. I thought that was a great idea. But then I got stuck on an ending. That was, probably, close to a month ago. Maybe more... lol.. Anyway, I FINALLY figured out what I wanted to do. Now... I am rusty, people. So PLEASE be lenient on me. If this sucks, please... gently suggest so... lol...
65. Miffed by kgreene [Reviews - 4] (735 words)
Been busy this summer. But I have this one and another one I am almost done with. Maybe I can squeeze in another before the season premiere.... though I wouldn't bank on it, they way I've been going. Hope you like!
66. The Wedding Stinger by kgreene [Reviews - 8] 3 (679 words)
First off, let me just say that I am not too enamored with this title but... there ya go. So, here's my last C/O before the premiere. Glad I got to get this one in before the big day. Hope you like!
Oh, I will be doing episode recaps on the Life in the Office site, along with Donna, Bob and Hot Dog Fingers. Oughtta be fun! By way of introduction, I wrote a little something about JAM and my feelings on the show. If you have a chance, please give it a read and tell me what you think. I hope you like! Here's the link:
http://www.lifeintheoffice.com/2009/09/02/1246-days-of-jam/
And please read Bob's introduction and his thoughts on being an actual Scrantonian. It's really good!:
http://www.lifeintheoffice.com/2009/08/19/notes-from-a-native-scrantonian/
And get ready for Thursday!
67. Baby Food by kgreene [Reviews - 4] 1 (248 words)
I actually wrote this about three weeks ago but posted it only on the Life in the Office Forum because it had to do with the baby and I don't like to be out of show continuity too much. I figured I would hold on to it but I didn't expect to be using it THIS quickly. They got the whole "Office guys knowing about the baby" stuff outta the way fast.
So this was a short C/O that came to me one morning. Hope you like!
68. Pretzel Logic by kgreene [Reviews - 3] 1 (671 words)
No idea where this came from. And the title, besides being a phrase, is also a very good Steely Dan album. Initially, I was gonna call it "Twisted", which works too, but I decided to go with this. Hope you like!
69. Murder, She Suggested by kgreene [Reviews - 4] 2 (478 words)
I was really looking forward to last night's episode so I wrote the Talking Head portion of it a few days ago, hoping that I could still use it when the smoke cleared. Luckily, I could. So, I added the beginning and there you have it. Hope you like!
70. Weight of the "World" by kgreene [Reviews - 5] 1 (602 words)
Very obvious influence for this one, as you will see in a few lines. Hope you like!
71. Hugs and Misses by kgreene [Reviews - 1] 1 (532 words)
Boy... I just went crazy with this one... lol....
72. That's What She Meant To Say by kgreene [Reviews - 4] (874 words)
Wow. Another long stretch between postings. Holidays, work, personal life... that stuff piles up on you and the next thing you know a long time has passed. Credit goes to my man Bob (from Scranton!) over on the Life In The Office forum for coming up with this one. I've been having a hard time dreaming new ones up. Hope you guys like, I was feeling pretty tight as I worked on it (TWSS).
And I hate this title. Anybody got a better one?
73. Secret Agent Number Two by kgreene [Reviews - 5] 3 (453 words)
Just some general silliness... hope you like!
74. Lost In Translation by kgreene [Reviews - 6] 3 (696 words)
Been a LONG time. This has been a very uncreative summer for me. So, I may be a bit rusty (or a lot). Hope you guys like!
