JHalpert: Hi

PBeesly: How’s it going on your side of the Office?

JHalpert: Kind of interesting actually.

PBeesly: Oh that’s a first.

JHalpert: I just had an… odd conversation with Dwight.

PBeesly: That’s not really a first I guess.

JHalpert: What he said sure was.

PBeesly: Yeah?

JHalpert: He must have found out about us.

PBeesly: What makes you say that?

JHalpert: ‘Cos he just told me that if I hurt you, I’ll have to watch my back… ‘cos he’ll – quote – “be snapping it”.

PBeesly: Wow.

JHalpert: Yeah.

PBeesly: He said that?

JHalpert: Yep. Word for word

PBeesly: That’s… kind of sweet.

PBeesly: Isn’t that from a kid’s movie?

JHalpert: No… Maybe… I’ll get back to you on that.

JHalpert: Care for an explanation?

PBeesly: Oh it’s nothing.

JHalpert: So something happened?

PBeesly: No.

JHalpert: Pam.

PBeesly: It’s nothing.

PBeesly: Really.

JHalpert: Come on. You don’t expect me to believe that.

PBeesly: Okay.

PBeesly: …We made out once.

JHalpert: Funny.

PBeesly: When you were with Karen. He was really sweet.

JHalpert: Sure.

PBeesly: And a good kisser.

JHalpert: I’ve changed my mind. Absolutely not funny, Pam. I expect better.

PBeesly: That’s what she said

JHalpert: She?

PBeesly: He.

PBeesly: Dwight. He has high expectations.

JHalpert: Shut up. Not funny.

PBeesly: Then why dyou keep laughing? It looks really weird.

JHalpert: I know it’s a bad habit.

PBeesly: Sounds tough.

JHalpert: Oh it’s the worst Pam. But quit stalling.

PBeesly: I’m not stalling.

JHalpert: Oh you so are.

PBeesly: I am not.

JHalpert: Pam.

PBeesly: Stop looking at me like that. You don’t need to know.

JHalpert: Pam I’m at risk of turning around and finding out Dwight snapped my back.

PBeesly: That’s a bit of an exaggeration.

JHalpert: Is it? Really Pam?

PBeesly: I’d say so.

JHalpert: Come on tell me.

PBeesly: No.

JHalpert: So you’re happy with your true love thinking that you made out with his nemesis?

PBeesly: I’ve never seen you say ‘nemesis’ in a sentence before. You sound like him. That’s so cute!

JHalpert: Stop laughing.

PBeesly: Okay give me a sec.

JHalpert: It’s okay Pam, really. I’ll just bug you and not do any work until you tell me what happened.

PBeesly: Well that’s going to be a long time cos I’m not telling.

JHalpert: Fine. I won’t get any work done, get caught by Michael and fired. Then who’s going to wish they’d told me?

PBeesly: Angela? She’s always liked you.

JHalpert: Come on Pam. It’s serious, isn’t it?

PBeesly: No.

JHalpert: Pam remember what we said on our first date?

PBeesly: We said a lot of things. We both said we hated your haircut.

JHalpert: Thanks. That makes me feel loved. We also said we weren’t going to keep anymore secrets.

JHalpert: Pam?

PBeesly: Damn.

JHalpert: I thought so.

PBeesly: Fine I’ll tell you.

JHalpert: Yes! Gotta love all the things we said on that first date.

PBeesly:-p Yeah. You’re not going to like it.

JHalpert: I’m sure it can’t be worse than you making out with Dwight… unless it’s Michael. I’m going to have to risk Dwight’s wrath if you made out with Michael.

PBeesly: You’re funny. Do you want me to tell you?

JHalpert: Yes. Okay. Sorry.

PBeesly:… Are you sure?

JHalpert: Pam!

PBeesly: Sorry! Okay… you remember that time you and Karen had that fight and I helped you work it out? The day Michael came back from Jamaica and we found out Jan had lost her mind.

JHalpert: Yes. Vividly.

PBeesly: Well I wasn’t as happy about it as I might have seen.

JHalpert: Yeah it kind of made me feel sick thinking about it too.

PBeesly: Not about Michael! About helping you almost move in with Karen.

JHalpert: Oh.

PBeesly: Yeah… and Dwight found me in the hallway… a little unhappy.

JHalpert: By that you mean…?

PBeesly: I was crying.

JHalpert: Oh.

PBeesly: He was really sweet actually… in his own… Dwight-ish way.

JHalpert: Huh.

PBeesly: Are you okay?

JHalpert: Yeah I’m fine.

PBeesly: You didn’t really want to know did you?

JHalpert: Yeah you’re right. I really didn’t.

PBeesly: Why does no one believe you when you say that?

JHalpert: I’m so sorry Pam.

PBeesly: Jim don’t!

JHalpert: What?

PBeesly: We’ve been through all of this. We’ve done stuff we regret and we’ve apologized. It’s all over now so we should just forget about it.

JHalpert: It’s a little hard to forget about when it results in Dwight threatening to snap my back if I hurt you.

PBeesly: Well he’s not going to. ‘Cos I know you’re not going to. So it doesn’t matter.

JHalpert: Technically he should have broken my back a long time ago.

PBeesly: Jim it wasn’t that bad. He was actually pretty comforting.

JHalpert: Oh that makes me feel better.

PBeesly: Plus I have Dwight as extra protection now so… win-win.

JHalpert: Win-win?

PBeesly: Okay not really.

PBeesly: Hey.

JHalpert: Yeah?

PBeesly: I love you.

JHalpert: I love you too. And just so you know, I don’t intend to get a broken back.

PBeesly: That’s good news.

PBeesly: What just happened?

PBeesly: Hey! Laughing doesn’t usually stop you from typing!

JHalpert: Sorry. Dwight just told us to get a room.

PBeesly: What?

JHalpert: I know!

PBeesly: How does he know what we were saying?

JHalpert: I think we were staring at each other a little too much.

PBeesly: Ahh Dwight. He’s my hero.