Jim [jìm] noun

A Jim belongs to a very rare species of boyfriends. Most unfortunately, this species is almost extinct due to being hunted by women from the genus Filippellius. A Jim’s natural habitat is in Scranton, Pennsylvania, and women belonging to Filippellius usually live in New York, so contact between them and a Jim is rare, but when it occurs, it can be deadly. She will sink her claws into a Jim as soon as she gets the chance. When a Jim is lucky, he will be able to remove the claws by using his massive forearm strength, since a Jim is physically built for perfection.

This species is known for its brilliant prank-playing and chivalry towards women. Members of this species are known for holding doors open, putting thoughts into their gifts, and encouraging and cheering up others when they are down. It uses its skills to charm receptionists, although usually alienating crabby accounts from the Marten species. Some tricks commonly used by a Jim are as follows:

Throwing cell phones into ceilings

Faxing letters from the future from the receiver’s future self

Inserting coins into phones and then removing them to make the user hit himself with the phone

Putting personal items in vending machines

While tricks are a staple in a Jim’s entertainment, a Jim’s staple food items are Grape Soda and ham and cheese sandwiches. Members of this species do not have exceptional culinary skills, but they can make mouth-watering grill cheeses using what little kitchen supplies they have in their habitats. A Jim doesn’t mind living in a slightly messy habitat, but he will draw the line when things get too dirty. A Jim is well aware that women are put off by pig sties. His habitat is where he feels comfortable, and occasionally throws barbeques. A Jim’s living space is almost always equipped with karaoke machines, beer, and embarrassing pictures. There aren’t many luxuries, since a Jim is easily satisfies by just being around people that make him happy.

A Jim’s niche is in the office, where he can show his impressive skills as a salesman. This species is one of the top paper sellers since he has an approachable presence that immediately endears him to potential clients. Never known to blow a sales call, a Jim is always reliable. He is an important part of his community.

A Jim, though, is never truly happy until he meets a Pamelus Beesli, commonly referred to as a Pam. These two have great chemistry since the moment they meet and they are destined by nature to mate. A Jim is loving, caring, and protective of a Pam from their initial meeting, and they quickly develop a strong friendship. But for reasons unbeknownst, it takes a while for a Jim and a Pam to admit their feelings for each other, and when they do, there are often obstacles. They will find a way, though, to get together. A Jim and a Pam mate for life, so when they do prevail, they are in for a long, happy relationship.