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Story Notes:
Spoilers for Season 4.
DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of these characters, or the television program with which they are associated. They are someone else’s creation. I only provide fiction of the fan variety

“That mixed berry yogurt you’re about to eat has expired.”

It was the beginning of the biggest lie Pam Beesly would ever tell. There had been several over the years, as fooling herself into contentment had become a die-hard habit, but even the most formidable of her past lies could be considered reasonable in comparison.

When Roy said he’d be home right after the game, he really meant he’d be home around two in the morning, because no one ever watches a game without celebrating a victory or mourning a loss afterward. Groceries were far more important than a new outfit – Pam didn’t need to be dressed up for low-key dinners, and there was nothing wrong with a young couple overstocking the fridge with beer in anticipation of guests. Art was far too unstable to provide the foundation for a career, though a perfectly respectable hobby. There was absolutely no logical sense in rushing an inevitable wedding.

Weak moments, blinded by a pattern she’d always followed and never questioned, but hardly a reason for concern. It wouldn’t be fair to judge her old self when life had been so sheltered and seemingly full. But there were times, hundreds of thousands of moments, when Pam would allow herself to cry over simple activities turned arduous. Eating, working, sleeping, breathing were now affected by his absence. A mischievous glance to a pair of eyes that were not her own reminded her that he’d abandoned her for a life less complicated.

Pam had looked at her yogurt cup in surprise, lifting her eyes to meet his in a daze. It wasn’t the statement that sent a warning signal to her uneasy mind, but rather the sudden awareness of activity in her stomach. There was a tension beneath his words, a genuine care for her he transmitted through his expression, and Pam Beesly felt the change in her heartbeat.

“If you have even the slightest indication that you could be happier with someone else,” he mother had advised, “then you should reevaluate the relationship. It’s what’s best for you and Roy.”

But Roy had only ever been with Pam, and Pam had only ever been with Roy, and separation seemed dark and uncertain. It was easier to pretend, it was so much easier to make-believe, and happiness and time were relative.

Jim Halpert was her best friend. When he approached her desk for a jellybean and a smile, they gossiped about coworkers as if whispering rumors in a crowded hallway. With all the time they spent together, his presence in her dreams was to be expected, not an event to be given a second or third thought. Pranks were a symbol of their similarities, not an obvious display of what could have been, though she was constantly telling herself it was opposites meant to attract. Lunch breaks were desired for his humor, his stories, and his support. And when Pam Beesly threw her arms around his neck and kissed him, sober enough to know something was surprisingly not amiss, it was the result of a mental game of truth or dare. “I wish you’d kiss me,” he seemed to be saying, and she took that to be equivalent to a dare. She was disregarding a falsehood, though only for one drunken Dundies evening.

His eventual confession should not have, and did not come as a shock to her system. Pam had never been oblivious, she’d been desperate, and the image of his tear stained cheek successfully annihilated all hope of remaining in a fabricated lifestyle. Why she had been so determined to avoid a necessary change, she’d never truly understand, but she couldn’t help but tell herself one last lie to make up for past mistakes.

She would never forgive him for leaving. She could never apologize for needing more than a secret ultimatum. She hadn’t told him the truth, but he hadn’t told her. He hadn’t told her that they’d reached that state of urgency. She promised herself…

And she changed her mind. She changed her mind the second he returned from Stamford, when he returned from Stamford and she knew, in spite of everything, she’d never loved a person more. And when she shed her skin on the beach, she could have sworn she caught a glimmer of the lie he was carrying with him.

It had taken far too long to be here. It had taken time, hundreds of thousands of moments spent crying over simple activities turned arduous. It had taken creation and destruction of multiple realities, excuses, and unconditional forgiveness. They were honestly never happier, never better, never more. So when Jim asked Pam if it could be a different moment, a different moment of discovery, it felt essential to deny his request. Old habits die hard, but die they will, and Pam Beesly felt the change in her heartbeat.

“No,” she stated firmly, grabbing his hand in hers.
Chapter End Notes:
My first attempt at Office fanfiction! Feel free to share your opinions on the story. :)


onedwigt is the author of 0 other stories.



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