She closed her eyes, and leaned her head on the back of the passenger seat. Today had been...well, a little too much to handle. Sure, Pam was happy for Phyllis and Bob, but seeing that her co-worker had recreated what would have been her wedding, right down to the dress and the flowers, had just been far more upsetting then she could have imagined. And then having to watch Jim and Karen slow dancing...well, she wasn't going to think about that. It was the last thing she needed at this point. Thank God for Roy. He had been so sweet and understanding the past few weeks. She had actually missed him. Missed the companionship. 10 years is a long time to have someone in your life. The point was, Roy had been there tonight, and she was grateful. She had jumped at the chance when he had offered to drive her home.
'You ok over there?' Roy asked
Pam opened her eyes and looked over at him. She managed a smile and said 'Just tired.'
She turned back to the window and gazed out at the passing lights. She closed her eyes to the recurring image of Jim and Karen swaying to the music. Suddenly, she was back in that darkened office, back in Jim's arms. Pushing the memory away, she was comforted by the darkness. It hid her tears well.
***
He watched Karen dancing on the stage and smiled. He was good at that. Putting on a happy face, when really he was completely torn up inside. He had had a lot of practice. He had seen Pam leaving with Roy, and it had nearly killed him. But, he felt like such a hypocrite. After all, he had a girlfriend. A girlfriend who had moved from Connecticut, basically because of him. A girlfriend he was feeling decidedly uncomfortable with. Yes, Karen was a great girl. Smart, funny...and not exactly hard on the eyes. But, the ...connection, he kept waiting to feel with her, just never came. Yet, he still tried. They had spent hours talking about the 'relationship'. But still, he knew they were getting no where.
He had almost convinced himself that he had moved on after that night in May, when he had laid his heart open to Pam, and she had rejected him...not once, but twice in one night. But, seeing her leave the wedding, holding hands with her ex, was what pushed him to finally admitting it to himself. He was in love with her. Still. Of course he was. He had been since his first day at Dunder Mifflin all those years ago. That wasn't going to change.
But,like an epiphany he realized things really did need to change. He needed to stop lying to himself. And to everyone else. He had spent so many years running around in circles, afraid of growing up, and going after what he wanted. What he really wanted in life. Yes, there was always the chance he would end up getting his heart ripped out. Again. But damn it all if he didn't know exactly what he had to do. For the sake of his sanity he needed to take control of his life. He needed to stop making due with a distraction, and hoping one day he would wake up in love with Karen. He knew he was setting himself up for disaster yet again, but he was nothing if not diligent. Follow your heart, right?
Karen took her bow and left the stage, and made her way over to him. She threw her arms around his neck, hugging him tightly. Pulling away, she winked 'Not too shabby, eh?'
He smiled weakly, his stomach dropping, feeling like the world's biggest asshole because of what he knew he had to do. 'Can we take a walk?'
She looked at him, her eyes crinkling as if trying to figure out what was going on inside that brain of his. 'Wow, is Michael making you fire me or something? You look like someone just died.'
He grabbed her hand, and started leading her towards the door.
'Jim...?'
He stopped and turned towards her. Stuffing his hands in his pockets, for the life of him he couldn't find the words. He sighed, looking down at the floor. Meeting her eyes finally, the look on her face told him words wouldn't have helped.
Story Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter End Notes:
Just getting started on this, although it doesn't feel like a long story. Just something for fun, to ease my season 3 viewing angst. :)
