INT. Main Office. JIM and DWIGHT's Desks
JIM is on the phone talking to a client. DWIGHT is reading a Cosmogirl! Magazine. He suddenly slams the magazine down on his desk, grabs a highlighter, bites off the cap, and aggressively highlights a passage from the magazine.
(hangs up phone and looks over)
Wh-at are you doing, Dwight?
(without looking up)
About how to seduce middle school girls? Or….
No, Jim. I’m learning about women. Because inside of every woman, is an adolescent girl. One that is sensitive, and [beat] prone to emotional outbursts against those that would try and help them.
You’re sure you didn’t buy it because of the horoscope? Or because Keira Knightley is on the cover?
(looks at camera)
Though she was excellent as Elizabeth Swann in the Pirates trilogy.
(looks back at Jim)
I am broadening my horizons. Maybe you should try it.
(goes back to reading Cosmogirl!)
(looks thoughtfully into space)
Mmm-hmm. Mmm-hmm. I have some old Highlights at home [beat] do you think that would help?
Before DWIGHT can respond, MICHAEL comes out of his office and towards JIM.
Jimbo, you ready?
It’s Friday, we’ve got our…
(pauses and looks to his left, where the camera pans and sees TOBY standing sorting through some papers, and then back to MICHAEL)
…..Uh, the Dunder-Mifflin Scranton Leadership Meeting to go to.
JIM nods his head.
JIM TALKING HEAD [Conference Room]
Yes, the Dunder-Mifflin Scranton Leadership Meeting. Or as I like to call it, ‘Michael and I go to Hooters or Chili’s and talk about Jan [beat] or boobs [beat] or Jan’s boobs. Uh, I guess he can put it on the Corporate Card and apparently not get in trouble.
CUT BACK TO OFFICE SCENE.
Michael, I am qualified to go to the…
(pauses and looks over, along with the camera, at TOBY, who is still standing where he was before, then back to DWIGHT)
…“the Leadership Meeting”. I have been doing research.
(holds up Cosmogirl!)
Wha-No, creepy. And, Jim is number two in the office and he…
(pauses and looks over again, along with the camera. However this time TOBY is gone, and the camera quickly pans further to see him through the doors, going back to the Annex.)
…..God! Finally! Look, Dwight, Jim is like
(pauses to think)
John Travolta in Saturday Night Live plus James Bond plus Don Juan Casanova.
No, I mean. Do you even remember how hot purse girl was?
I do. She was smokin’.
Camera quickly pans to KEVIN, so that it is able to catch him saying the last part, then pans back to JIM, DWIGHT, and MICHAEL.
JIM is becoming increasingly frustrated and awkward as MICHAEL continues to talk next to him.
Thank you, Kevin. And he just totally picked her up in the office! And Karen! (pauses thoughtfully) I mean, I didn’t want to say anything when she was here, but she was like a delicious cup of coffee that has the perfect amount of mocha and cream.
Yes she was.
Camera quickly pans to ANGELA who is staring disapprovingly over at ANDY, who quickly focuses his eyes back onto his computer.
Michael, I don’t—
No Jim, it’s cool. (Suddenly becomes louder) And now, the best for last! Pam! Right?
(He walks over to Reception, where PAM is sitting, visibly uncomfortable at his words)
Not only has Jim nabbed her too, but he made her hotter! It’s like he has a gift. So, yeah, Dwight, you can’t come. Because the Leadership Conference is about man-talk, and you don’t even have a girlfriend, unlike Jim, who is a hot-chick magnet.
Camera pans back to DWIGHT and JIM at their desks.
DWIGHT attempts to say something but stops, sighs, and goes back to work. JIM, still upset, gets up wordlessly, puts his hands in his pockets and walks towards reception.
Alright! Let’s go. You driving?
(a little tersely)
No you are.
Okay, that is [beat] cool.
JIM leans over reception and takes a jellybean. He smiles at PAM, and then goes to the coat rack.
MICHAEL goes to leave but then quickly turns back to PAM.
(whispers, but loud enough so that JIM can hear)
If we go to Hooters do you want me to pick you up something? You know, short-shorts? Tanktop? Playing cards? For a little spice?
PAM looks even more mortified at Michael’s words.
I’m good Michael, thanks.
MICHAEL nods, turns, and puts his arm awkwardly around Jim’s waist as they both walk towards the door.
So, Chilis or Hooters?
They are now at the door and are both awkwardly trying to fit through it as MICHAEL still has his arm around JIM.
Awesome Blossom it is!
END OF COLD OPEN.