It was Halloween.
Which is why when the camera panned to Jim and Pam walking through the door, the sales rep was wearing a cape, and the receptionist was wearing a tiara and homemade sash that said "Miss DunderMifflin" along with their usual workday clothes. Phones rang, and with slight smiles they took their respective seats. Dwight's eyes locked onto them both, furrowing his brows at Jim and Pam. In fact, a rotund king, a white cat, a garishly costumed singing pirate, a Latino in a poodle skirt and blouse, an old hobo, Indian Little Bo Peep, a witch, and a large butterfly all looked at them in question.
"Hey, Dwight." Jim casually sat in his chair, giving a passive glance to Dwight as he wore some elaborate jumpsuit ensemble. "Nice.... erm... superhero costume?"
"This isn't a costume," Dwight declared snippily, his hand going to the drop holster at his side.
"Then what are you wearing for Halloween?" Pam asked while turning on her computer, glancing up and noting that nearly everyone rolled their eyes. Seeing Jim's mischievousness already coming into play just seconds after entering the office, a smile tugged on her lips as she struggled to keep a straight face.
"This is a 90% accurate reproduction of Starbuck's fighter pilot jumpsuit from Battlestar Galactica," he explained, pulling the fake gun out of his holster and pointing the muzzle at Jim. "It cost over five hundred dollars and I had it specially made from a man I met at Dragon Con." Dwight smirked as he thought it was, in fact, the coolest thing ever. Pulling the trigger and making a 'ka-pow' noise as he fake-killed the man he worked next to.
"Why is it only 90% accurate?" Jim quizzed effortlessly while sifting through paperwork. "Where's the other 10%?"
"It's just the fit of the suit." He pulled the trigger a few more times while exploding a few more 'ka-pows'.
Jim paused, giving the camera an already exasperated look.
"What are you, Halpert?" His lips curled into a taunting sneer. "There's no superhero that wears a cape with a tie."
"Super Jim does."
Phyllis the butterfly gave a smile as Andy the pirate began to acapella 'Underdog' in a lower voice.
"KAPOW!"
"He fights..."
"KAPOW!"
"With..." Jim's face pulled into the expression of subdued annoyance.
"KAPOW!"
"Faithful sidekick Miss DunderMifflin Receptionist." Swiftly reaching out, he snatched the gun away and watched as Dwight mentally turned into a child.
"Give it back."
"Ummmm…? No."
With a determined growl he attempted to seize it. "Jim, give it back!"
"I. Don't. Think. So." The long arm kept the gun firmly out of reach.
"Jim, that reproduction cost three hundred dollars!"
"Wow.... you spent three hundred dollars on this?" Tilting his head up, Jim inspected the sci-fi gun. "Does it fire real bullets?"
Dwight paused for a moment, his jaw setting as a quick flash of foolishness hit his face before being swallowed by his insane pride. "....No."
"So you bought a gun that doesn't work....."
"It's a re-production. NOW GIVE IT BACK." He lunged towards the taller paper salesman.
Jim pushed the floor with his heels, his chair rolling back so Dwight missed. Shaking his shaggy head, he feigned a sigh. "There's no need to get violent."
"Jiiiim giiiiiiiive it baaaaack."
"Will you stop shooting me?"
"Hey, Jim?" Pam's eyes skimmed her computer screen with a collected face. Regardless she was giddy with her find.
"Yes, Pam?" He tossed the gun to her.
"DON'T THROW IT! AGH!"
Pam caught the bulky thing with both hands as Dwight cringed. "I have found something very interesting." She made a face at the gun, then opened a desk drawer, dropped it inside, and locked it. "Did you know that Starbuck from Battlestar Galactica is a girl?"
Jim's eyes lit up with this marvelous development. "Excuse me?" Leaning back in his chair, he began to chuckle. "Oh. My gawd."
"Dwight's a girl?" Kelly's voice resonated from her niche in the back.
"No," Dwight barked.
"I knew it!" Andy proclaimed, stroking his fake pirate beard with utter satisfaction. He put his boots up on his desk, the big feather in his hat fluttering with the movement.
"No!"
"It says that Starbuck's real name is Kara Thrace, and she's a girl." Pam smiled a touch.
Dwight's face blanched as much as a Schrute's face could. His eyes narrowed as Jim gave a highly amused face and some giggling from fellow office mates filled the background.
"Dwight's a girl," Kevin snickered in humor from his corner desk.
"I am not a girl!"
"There she was justa walkin' down the street singin' doo-wah-ditty-ditty-dum-ditty-doo," Andy taunted in melody. "Snappin' her fingers and'a...."
"Shut. Up. Andy. I am not a girl."
The e-mail on Jim's computer chimed. He clicked it open and viewed the attachment, raising his eyebrows as a quirky smile pulled on his lips. "This picture I just got on e-mail says something very different." Turning his screen to show the camera the picture of a blonde woman in the exact same flight suit as Dwight. "So Dwight... Dwightoria...? Dwighterella...?" Shaking his head as he could not find a decent name, he glanced over at the seething man. "Kara? So Kara, when did you first realize you were in fact feminine?"
"You're not funny you insubordinant, caped worm," he bit back, rising up out of his chair.
"You know, I think you need to embrace all of this, including the fact that you may be PMSing." His eyes followed the fussy pseudo-Starbuck as he stomped over in his combat boots to reclaim his sidearm.
"Pam, give me back.."
The door burst open, and a man in a ski mask with a gun exploded in. "DOWN ON THE GROUND! DOWN ON THE GROUND!"
Jim's face was struck with horror as he looked to Pam with fear and dropped to the ground with the rest of the frightened office.
Well, almost everyone
"RAAAAAAAAAAA!" The male Starbuck charged the man and hit him like a linebacker, sending him to the ground.
"DWIGHT!" The man shrieked in a familiar voice.
Everyone slowly got up and gawked.
"SHUT UP FELON!" Dwight beat the man.
~%~%~%~%~%
Michael was disheveled and covered in brown makeup with a curly wig.
"So.... keeping up with topical events... I went as OJ when he robbed that place...." He gazed out into the distance. "Dwight doesn't know a joke when it points a gun and screams at him."
~%~%~%~%~%
Jim stood next to Pam's desk and watched Dwight spar awkwardly with the man they all knew was Michael. No one stepped in though. Dwight wasn't really hurting him yet.
"Thanks for protecting me, Super Jim," Pam told him dryly.
"I figured my super powers weren't adequate enough to risk any thrilling heroics." he quipped back. "Shall we call the cops and tell them a girl has pinned OJ Simpson?"
"I AM NOT A GIRL."
Author's Chapter Notes:
Disclaimer: TheRabbit doesn't own the Office. She just likes to borrow and play with characters. They're more fun than playing with a bunch of carrots.
A/N: This is my first Office Fanfic. I'm dedicating this to a cat.... yes... a cat. You see I was working on some photography the other day when I came across a picture of a kitten I fostered several months back. Thinking of his name got me watching my DVDs... then the plot bunny attacked.
So to Halpert the kitten. May Little Tuna still be stealing socks (but not putting them in jello), annoying bigger cats, being best friends with a dog and being the amiable little guy he is at his new home.
*Italics are talking heads*
A/N: This is my first Office Fanfic. I'm dedicating this to a cat.... yes... a cat. You see I was working on some photography the other day when I came across a picture of a kitten I fostered several months back. Thinking of his name got me watching my DVDs... then the plot bunny attacked.
So to Halpert the kitten. May Little Tuna still be stealing socks (but not putting them in jello), annoying bigger cats, being best friends with a dog and being the amiable little guy he is at his new home.
*Italics are talking heads*
Chapter End Notes:
Please give your honest opinion about canon, plot, believability, ect. TheRabbit always appreciates the truth ;)
