The Cold Open
INT. Dunder-Mifflin Office, Break Room
JIM and PAM are sitting side by side at a table in the Break Room. On the table are remnants of their lunch together (yogurt container, crust of ham and cheese sandwich, etc.) Both look unhappy, and in particular PAM looks emotional.
PAM
(turning to JIM and said sorrowfully)
Um, I don’t know how to say this exactly.
(exhales sharply and seems to summon her courage)
But, my mom died, and I, uh, have to drive home to be with my family tonight.
(she looks down at the table, as if she is too emotional to even be able to look at JIM)
There is a second or two pause between them as PAM continues to look down, while JIM stares at her.
JIM
(judgmentally)
Yeah, no.
PAM
(looks up at JIM and smiles)
What? C’mon, that was amazing.
JIM
It was alright. [beat] I guess.
PAM
(continuing to smile)
You guess?
JIM
Yeah, I mean, well, do you want to see how it’s actually done?
PAM
Oh, really? Yeah, alright, let’s see it.
(motions towards him to try)
JIM
(Gives PAM a smirk, and then stares down at the table for a moment, before he looks up at her. Suddenly his eyes are slightly watery and his voice quivers a little as he speaks.)
My dad just called from the hospital, and um…
(holds his hand to his mouth as if he is too overcome to speak, PAM shakes her head in disbelief)
…my mom was in an accident, and she’s [beat] gone, she’s just gone, and I have to be with her. Now. Because [beat] it’s the only time I have left...
(much like in ‘Drug Testing’ he waves off further words, and stares down at the table again for a brief moment, before looking back up at PAM with a wide smile)
PAM
(impressed)
Wow. We are definitely going to your mom’s funeral.
JIM
(nods his head in agreement)
See? That’s what I’m saying.
There is a brief pause between them, as they look at each other and smile.
JIM (cont.)
(laughs a little)
Alright, so you want to go talk to him?
(stands up from table)
PAM
(gets up from the table)
Yeah, might as well.
CUT TO: INT. MICHAEL’s Office
MICHAEL is in his office alone, reclining in his chair with his feet up on the desk. He is playing with a Cootie Catcher/Paper Fortune Teller. There is a knock at the door, and the camera swings over to see JIM and PAM through the window, standing outside.
MICHAEL
Come in.
JIM and PAM walk into MICHAEL’s Office together, with PAM holding JIM’s arm comfortingly, and rubbing his back. JIM is slightly hunched, and is visibly emotionally drained.
MICHAEL (cont.)
(concernedly)
Whoa, Jimbo, what’s wrong?
PAM looks over to JIM supportively.
PAM
(softly)
Its okay, Jim. Tell him.
JIM
(in the same fake emotional voice as in the Break Room)
Um, Michael, My dad just called from the hospital and [beat] there’s been an accident.
(stops as if overcome with emotion, but he fights to continue)
My mom [beat] they think she won’t make it. So, I’m going to go [beat] be with my family, and uh, I just wanted to let you know, because of tonight.
MICHAEL
(sighs and nods gravely)
Really? Wow. That’s [beat] why don’t you two sit down for just a second?
JIM looks at PAM, but she shrugs and the two of them sit down in the chairs in front of MICHAEL’s desk.
MICHAEL (cont.)
Wow, mom in an accident, that’s [beat] heavy [beat] heavy stuff.
JIM
(still emotionally)
Yeah. I really think I should be going though, my family needs me.
MICHAEL
Yeah, no, of course. Um, just one thing before you go though.
JIM
What?
MICHAEL
(yells past JIM and PAM)
Angela! Stanley! Phyllis!
Both JIM and PAM look confused at MICHAEL’s words, but remain seated. They both turn around in their chairs to see the people MICHAEL called for come filling in through the door. All three of them stand behind the chairs, and face MICHAEL.
ANGELA
(angrily)
What Michael? I’ve told you this is a time of grief for me!
MICHAEL
(unfazed)
I know.
(turns his attention to STANLEY)
So, Stanley, I forgot, what happened with you today?
STANLEY
(exhaustedly)
Michael I told you twice, my mother in law is sick, and I’m leavin’ early.
MICHAEL
Uh-huh. And Phyllis, what about you?
PHYLLIS
(looks suddenly nervous)
Um, Bob Vance’s brother fell [beat] and is in the hospital [beat] in Philadelphia. I have to leave early.
MICHAEL
(looks at camera and said smugly)
And what about you Angela?
ANGELA
(looks across and over at STANLEY and PHYLLIS angrily)
My cat Otter is at the vet, and she’s having surgery tonight.
MICHAEL
(crosses his arms and leans back in his chair a little)
So, dying mom, sick mother in law, hurt brother in law, and dead cat.
ANGELA
(interrupting curtly)
She’s not dead, she’s having surgery.
MICHAEL
(re-interrupting)
Fake surgery!
ANGELA
(shocked)
Wha-
MICHAEL
(interrupting loudly)
You know, I would have expected this from Toby, but not you guys.
(in terrible Italian accent)
You broke my heart!
(returns to normal voice)
All of you!
STANLEY
(clearly seeing that MICHAEL realizes his lie)
Michael, I don’t….
MICHAEL
(interrupting even more loudly)
No! No. Jan is making ravioli!
PAM
(breaking character and said earnestly)
Seriously?
MICHAEL
(said in a normal volume)
Well, it’s Chef Boyardee.
(raises his voice, again)
But still! You all should be ashamed of yourselves. I try to include you. I stretch out [beat] the ivy branch of friendship and you all smack it out of my hand.
PHYLLIS
I think that’s olive—
ANGELA
(interrupting)
Michael, Otter is actually sick.
MICHAEL
(testily)
Well this is mandatory, Angela. Okay, and that’s goes for all of you fakers too.
(points at everyone else, who now all have their heads bowed embarrassedly, indicating that they realize they’ve been caught.)
And you know what? I am going to spend the rest of my day, calling the people you said were sick or hurt, and telling them what you did.
(a little self-righteously)
So there.
JIM
You can’t do that, Michael.
MICHAEL
Oh, can’t I, Jim? [beat] Can’t I?
JIM
No [beat] you can’t.
MICHAEL
(thinks about it for a second)
Okay, fine. But you all better be at the Condo at Six sharp for the funnest dinner party ever. [beat]
(said dramatically and with a smile)
I bought Twister.
(looks around for reaction)
Right? Stuff happens when you play Twister [beat]
(waves his hands in the air manically)
Alright, you’ll see. Now get out of here, I’ve got to finish preparing.
With no more arguments, PHYLLIS, ANGELA, STANLEY, JIM, and PAM dejectedly leave MICHAEL’s Office.
CUT TO: Main Office, JIM’s Desk
The camera cuts to a continuous shot of everyone leaving MICHAEL’s Office, with JIM and PAM being the last out. They linger together behind JIM’s desk.
JIM
We definitely should have gone with women’s problems.
PAM nods in agreement, and they part. She walks out of frame back towards Reception, while JIM sits down at his desk in the right-side of the frame. Through the open door of MICHAEL’s Office, in the left-side of the frame, we can see him staring at JIM sadly for a second. Then in a moment, the emotion is gone.
MICHAEL
(yelling from his office)
Pam, has my dry cleaning come in yet!?
JIM turns in his chair to look at Reception, where the camera pans to see PAM near the coat rack where she has frozen in place, hand to her head. She turns and looks at JIM.
PAM
Definitely women’s problems.
END OF COLD OPEN