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Author's Chapter Notes:
Pam faces a health crisis that threatens their marriage. Jim tries to keep things normal.

  Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

 

He sat at the kitchen table. Head hung low. A half-drunk beer sat before him. He felt numb inside. Wondered how it had come to this.

Less than a year ago. Life was good until then. Life was almost perfect.

The diagnosis had taken them by surprise. Just a routine check-up had turned up a hidden problem. Nobody ever wants to hear a doctor say that dreaded word but it hit him especially hard. It had been years and years, and god knows he had been happy, but always there was that undercurrent of insecurity. A gnawing fear in his gut that he would lose her. All because of the time when she had almost not been his.

Fifteen years of marriage, three children, and being her best friend and still a tiny nagging voice inside reminded him every now and then that it could all go away. It had become less and less frequent over the years until it was nearly silenced. But almost a year ago, it renewed itself with a vengeance.

She let him comfort her at first. She shared her fears with him. His touch seemed to give her some solace. She still had hope.

He knew that she might need some space and some time alone but after the operation, she seemed to pull away from him. She pulled away by such tiny increments that it was imperceptible until she became a tiny speck in the distance.

Her mother had come for a while so he didn't really worry at first. But when Maryann left, Pam still hadn't leaned on him. He called his mother-in-law to find out anything he could.

"I don't know what to do for her. She won’t let me in."

"She needs time, Jim. She didn't really talk to me either. Just be there for. She loves you and she loves the kids. She’ll come around eventually."

She had found an online support group. She spent a lot of time online. Eventually, when she felt well enough, she attended meetings too.

He wanted to be supportive so he tried to talk about things with her. She always said she was tired and went to lie down. He took care of the kids and made the lunches and arranged for their rides to their activities and tried to take time off to go their games when he could. It was taking its toll, being mother and father to them, but he always did what needed to be done. It was made all the harder by not having his best friend to talk to anymore.

She had gone away on a retreat a few weeks prior and since then had started staying out later after her meetings. Or she would announce after dinner that she was meeting “friends" and disappear. She hadn't let him touch her in months.

He had known there would be healing time after the operation but that time had passed. When he tried to hold her at night she would roll away and tell him she was tired. When she smiled now it didn't quite reach her eyes.

Not that he had seen her smile lately.

It was late when he heard the car in the driveway. She came into the room and stood there not saying a word. After a moment she announced, rather loudly, “I’m home.”

He took a swig from the bottle, still looking down at the table.

"Aren't you even going to say anything to me?" she asked.

He sighed. There was a long pause.

Finally, in a shaky voice, he asked, "Pam, are you having an affair?"

Silence.

Then she walked out of the room. He heard the car start again and before she had put it in reverse his head was down, back heaving as he sobbed quietly in the darkness.

How did we get here? Why?

He awoke a few hours later on the couch. His head hurt. It was almost 6. He knew Elizabeth had a soccer game at 7:30. Ben had a 10:00 basketball game which he was coaching so he dragged himself into the shower. Made some coffee. Took a few aspirin. Went to wake up the kids.

When he went to grab clean clothes he was surprised to find that Pam was back, in bed, and sleeping. He didn’t wake her. He didn't really know what to say anyway.

He woke Annie to take her along with him too. She would be bored from spending the whole day at Beth’s and Ben’s games but he didn’t know what else to do. The kids had already been through so much and it was up to him to keep things normal.

Even if his perception of normality was now completely altered.


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