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Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author.  The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise.  No copyright infringement is intended.

Kelly sat in bed, dressed in pastel pajama bottoms and matching camisole. She looked at the recent call log on her bejeweled cell phone. It read, “Ryan 6:34 PM, Ryan 7:18 PM, Ryan 9:23 PM, Ryan 10:08 PM.”

With a frustrated sigh, she changed his name in her address book. Glancing at it again, the call log now showed, “Asshole 6:34 PM, Asshole 7:18 PM, Asshole 9:23 PM, Asshole 10:08 PM.”

Even after the juvenile argument they had just had, she refused to delete his number. What if they made up and she needed to call him again?

The next morning, Ryan ignored her.

She had a hard time concentrating at her desk. How could she possibly get anything done at work when her personal life was in shambles?

She needed a new boyfriend. A really cute, really sweet, well-dressed, perfect boyfriend who loved everything about her. A boyfriend who listened when she talked and thought that everything she said was adorable. That’s not too much to ask for, was it? Apparently it was.

At lunchtime, she bitterly stabbed at her uneaten salad with low-fat Caesar dressing. Angela walked into the break room and conducted her daily routine of buying two chocolate candy bars. Kelly couldn’t understand how Angela stayed so slender if she ate two candy bars everyday.

To Kelly’s surprise, Angela sat down next to her and handed her one of the chocolates.

“Can I ask your advice?” Angela seemed genuine and friendly for a change. Kelly was shocked but nodded her head. “Well, I’m dating someone and well, we’re, you know, physical.” Her face turned red as she peeled off the candy wrapper.

Kelly’s eyes widen. She distinctly remembered one of Ryan’s rare moments of talkativeness. He told her about a bizarre conversation he had overheard between Angela and Dwight. Were Angela and Dwight together? Gross! Kelly didn’t want to think about it.

Angela continued, “I want to dress a little bit sexier for him, but not whorish. I’m not a slut. I just want to spice up things a little bit.” This was a side of Angela that Kelly had never seen before.

“Um, you could wear some sexy underwear. No one else would see it, just him. So that way, you can be sexy for him but no one else would know about it.”

“Sexy underwear, hmm.” Angela thoughtfully took a bite of her candy bar, before standing. “Thank you.”

“You’re welcome.” Kelly suddenly remembered when she had drunkenly kissed Dwight at the Christmas party. She wondered if Angela knew. She shuddered at the thought of Angela’s wrath.

Stunned by the conversation, Kelly returned to her desk.  As she read the latest Cosmo magazine, she recounted in her head the stupid things that Ryan had said to her last night. He could be so immature and clueless.  She didn't need him, but she wished he would talk to her.

All afternoon, he ignored her.

At the end of the day, Oscar walked up to Kelly, a sports jacket draped over his arm.

“Hey Kel, do you want to grab a drink with me?” The employees of the office occasionally went out for drinks after work, but Kelly had never gone out alone with Oscar. However, he was harmless (unlike Kevin - gross!), so why not?

They sat side by side at the bar, each drinking martinis.

Oscar played with the olive in his glass. “You’ve been really quiet today. Its not like you.”

Kelly folded her arms across the chest of her pink sweater as she responded, “Boy problems.”

Oscar sighed, “Ah, yes. Hey, can I ask your advice on relationships?” Kelly had always suspected that he might be homosexual, but he had never come out to the office and despite her best efforts, she had no real proof.

“Yeah, go ahead.”

Oscar looked down at his drink, tilting the glass back and forth in his hand. “Well, I’ve been in a relationship with someone for quite some time. But my significant other thinks that I’m being closed off. They want me to be more open. Share my feelings, you know.”

She chose her words carefully. “Well, you should be more honest with…them. Your partner just wants to be a part of your life. You’re in love, aren’t you?”

He looked straight into her eyes and smiled softly. “Of course, absolutely.”

“What’s holding you back from being more open?” She laid her hand on his arm.

“I don’t know. I guess we’ve just been together for so long.” He shrugged before thoughtfully sipping his drink.  She smiled slightly.  She knew so much about how relationships worked. 

Kelly’s cell phone began playing Nelly Furtado’s “Maneater,” but she ignored it. Oscar glanced at the caller ID as the phone laid on the bar in front of them. “Asshole is calling you.”

bonorocks is the author of 9 other stories.
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