Pam was happy. Like truly, honestly, perhaps just-this-side-of-certifiable-happy. It was euphoric and distracting, but it made her feel creative and powerful. Like if she picked up a paint brush she could make anything. Whoever talked about the way pain makes you a better artist probably didn't know what they hell they were talking about. Or maybe they did. There was pain before this wasn't there? Maybe. Definitely. But she's painted it over like a color on a canvas that she's decided she didn't like. Maybe blue's down there somewhere but there's red on top of that, and then brown, and then something else, and nobody knows blue is there except the people who saw her paint it on in the first place.
Of course it's a little more complicated than that, because a person who saw her paint it on in the first place also had a whole lot to do with her painting over it. But whatever. She's happy. Things are working for her. She'll let the complications go for a while and for now she'll just feel really, really big in an unsuffocating I'm-part-of-everything-that-is-good way.
It's nice to have someone who meets her in her apartment after work and pulls her into him so that she tastes the five cups of coffee she saw him drink and the happiness that he has to see her, even though he's been seeing her all day. She mumbles something along those lines to him, and he says but an hour is a very long time. She laughs a little bit too loud, because it's too much, too good to be true really, and in the back of her mind Pam's sort of terrified because this can't really be her life, can it? But she knows Jim means it. And she's happy. Really, honestly, certifiably happy.
Maybe sometimes Jim senses a little bit of her fear in her kisses; Pam knows she can sense a little bit of his fear in his. But their fears make the whole thing feel all little bit more tangible, so in the end it just leads her back to happy and happy's nice.
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Jim knew if Pam walked up to his desk and asked him to move away with her, he would. Even if it was somewhere crazy, because crazy would feel alright if she was around (and there's nowhere crazier than where he already was, anyway). So it might have been a little silly for him to get so mad when she, unthinkingly, huffs out you could try to do something that you liked one lazy evening when he complains about work and paper for just a little too long (In some ways he's different than he used to be, but in a lot of ways he's still the same old Jim whose afraid of anything unhabitual). In the end, after a little bit of yelling (on both their parts) he sort of realizes that if he pushes out a little farther it won't be like he's just floating away; there will be someone with him, and at this point they both kind of know what the deep end feels like. It won't be so cold out there now that he has somebody to help keep him warm, and maybe that's a little sappy, but damn it, he doesn't care. He's happy and happy's nice.
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Kelly was really, really, really, really, really happy, which sort of surprised her (really). In her mind Darryl was just supposed to be this guy who happened to scare the crap out of Ryan so he happened to be the perfect choice to make Ryan totally, totally jealous. She had not expected to really, you know, like him a lot. It was totally weird to be with someone who was honest pretty much all the time, but she could get used to it. And maybe she was even starting to like his daughter, a little bit. She was totally cute (for a spoiled, boyfriend's-attention-stealing brat). So when Kelly gets two snow balls in the face and hears a few high pitched, squealish laughs, she laughs too, even though it might have messed her makeup up. Darryl laughs with both of them and wipes the remaining snow off Kelly's face, definitely smearing at least some of her makeup; that's okay though. She's happy, and happy's nice.
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Michael was really unsure how he felt most of the time. Maybe that's because more recently he's been a little bit scared and a little bit mad and the little bit of happy seems to be hard to find - squeezed between lots of other things that prove to be much harder to ignore, like stolen diaries and getting screwed in none of the fun ways. After days of shaky silence and sleeping on the far ends of the bed Jan comes to him and says, among other things, I don't think - nobody else would still be with me, after... She trails off and this time the silence is far less scary until eventually she says I'm sorry. He pulls her to him a little bit and rubs the palm of his hands up her forearms.
Without looking up at her he says I'm sorry too even though he can't really remember what he's supposed to be sorry about (it just seemed like the right thing to say at the moment). She laughs at that, like she knows he isn't sure what he is apologizing for, but it isn't a hurtful laugh at all. It's comes with a smile and an Oh Michael as she pulls him into a hug. It's nice and Michael feels like things might be okay again sometime soon.
They both sleep in the middle of the bed that night, their legs tangled together and his arms around her waist. Even though Michael's still a little bit scared and a little bit angry, it's nice to know that he's not sleeping alone again. He'd forgotten how cold it made his feet and his legs and his arms (and his heart) feel. He thinks she's asleep and says I love you. She sort of mumbles it back to him. Michael's pretty sure that some things still really suck, but maybe that's okay. Right now he's happy and happy's nice.
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Karen wasn't happy. There was no getting around it really. She was lonely, frustrated, and maybe still a little bit angry at herself for choices made months ago. She was trying though and life is easier when your boss isn't an idiot and your boyfriend isn't in love with the receptionist.
Her first week in Utica one of the sales people, Lindsay, takes her out for lunch; the woman's funny and nice enough and Karen almost tells her a story about last Christmas. She feels like the wind's been knocked out of her as she starts, leaving her mouth hanging open for a moment too long. Karen catches herself though and is pretty sure Lindsay never notices. When people ask her about Scranton Karen either defers the questions or says something biting. She knows that sort of behavior gives people something to talk about. People's talking doesn't really help things.
Her loneliness causes her to have strange fantasies about meeting people while reaching for milk and her bitterness makes her strongly dislike herself for it. Karen still puts on her nicer jeans when she picks up some juice and checks her hair a few times too many before she goes out the door, leading her to feel extremely pathetic as she unlocks her car door and starts her car.
Sometimes she rides the elevator up to her floor with a guy who, on their third ride together, introduces himself as Steve. His smile is nice and his handshake is solid. One way or another he ends up challenging her to play Call of Duty against him. She accepts his challenge and her stomach flips a little after he steps off the elevator, even though part of her thinks he could end up being just as distant and difficult as the last guy she dated. She's still smiling a little when she steps off the elevator and unto her floor, though. It's nice to be reminded that she could be happy. She's heard happy's pretty nice.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended
I wrote this for moofoot’s birthday…in January. It’s been up at LJ since then, where it got more response than I was expecting so I figured, what the heck, why not throw it to the mercy of MTT as well. And moofoot wanted me too, and it was for her birthday and I do love her, so. Massive thanks to Paper_Jam11 and oops_pig on LJ who helped clean this up. :)
Chapter End Notes:
Reviews would be awesome. :)
