It's all good. He did get something done last night. Kind of. It started out with a great idea, an excellent one, he thought. One that would save the office from a completely unnecessary wasted Saturday. Because Jim was sure everyone had better things to do. Pam had made a mention of wanting to drive to Philly for the weekend, and Jim thought it was a great idea, walking around the city, hanging out, maybe even getting a nice room and spending a romantic weekend together. Hell yeah he wanted to get Ryan's assignment out the way.
And he didn't even want to take Ryan's little threat seriously, because it was true, he did have damn good ideas. And was he supposed to be sorry if David Wallace thought so? All that was missing from that confrontation, was Ryan body checking him as he walked out the kitchen door. That would have been the icing on the cake. But he shook it off, because he wasn't trying to take anything from Ryan. He was trying to be cool Jim, good honest, fun loving Jim. The guy everyone could count on by giving them a clear weekend. It seemed like a good idea.
Good intentions and all. The road to hell is paved with them. And he was pretty sure he was blaring down that road doing 100 mph.
He didn't know it would end with the whole office hating him, the security guard hating him, the security guard's annoyed wife hating him, getting a picture text of Dwight eating someone's face, and then Toby practically groping his girlfriend. But Jim, well he tries not to dwell on things like that.
He didn't want to think about it. Nope. Not trying to remember the image of Toby's sweaty hand on Pam's exposed knee, his pale fingers gliding across...
Nooooppppe....he was not going to think about it. Not going to think about the fact that Toby, the guy who he thought was pretty damn cool, normal, could sort of, maybe be considered a friend...just mauled... no...molested...or hey...fondled the love of Jim's life. It's pretty damned hard to wrap his clouded mind around that one, Jim had to assess.
That's only because Jim was also too busy trying to figure out if Hank the security guard is going to kick his lanky ass on Monday. Or if Oscar would ever speak to him again, because he's pretty sure he offended Oscar Michael-style last night. Oh, and Stanley because that African-American thing (and yeah, so...like...where the hell did that come from?) was not a good idea...and pretty much the entire office would agree. At least the office certainly agreed that he and Pam were the suckiest couple to ever suck. But hey, at least they did it together.
There's a positive, Jim guessed.
God. Last night was just awful.
Toby. Fucking Toby Flenderson. It's not like he didn't know Jim was dating Pam, everyone friggin' knows Jim's like in love with her like nobody's business...except well Michael apparently with the whole "that's still going on?" thing...but that's not the point! All night, he noticed Toby had been a bit too eager to throw out "Hey I got the security guy's number!" or "hey I found a football! Let me, like, teach you!"
Okay, so he was totally paraphrasing, but he noticed it. He noticed the look in Toby's beady little deceptive eyes every time Pam gave him a compliment because that was the look Jim had in his eyes for years! But he said nothing, did nothing, not even a true angry reaction when Toby's hand landed on the target because he didn't want to believe that Toby could be even slightly as slimy as Michael made him out to be. He couldn't even muster enough anger to want to punch Toby. He was trying to figure out, what the hell was going on with the night.
And honestly he still didn't want to believe it, even as he watched Toby scale the fence in such a panic and flip over it, landing like one of Angela's cats and scurrying away.
He couldn't even fathom last night turning out like that. And while Michael got to get his "groove on" and Dwight apparently found someone with low enough standards to find him remotely lustful, Jim got to be the office heel.
Nice. Thanks, universe.
"Finally, we're home," she said when they got in last night. He watched as she shrugged out of her coat and tossed her purse unceremoniously on his couch. She gave him her pity look. He felt pitiful, so it was needed.
"Remind me never to attempt to suggest anything, like ever again."
She just looked at him, arching her eyebrow. "Anything? Like ever? To anyone?"
"Yep. My last suggestion was Meredith should put ice on her face. She didn't appreciate that. So I quit."
He heard her click her tongue. She obviously did not understand how defeated he felt. "So, like you never want to suggest a new place to eat or visit. Or something for us to do together. Or a new sex position-"
"Whoa. I totally mean work related," he emphasized.
"Gotcha."
"I got a few ideas right now actually..."
She smiled as he wrapped his arms around her. She was so amazing. "Let's hear them."
So, in the wee hours of Saturday morning, as the sunlight spilled through his curtains, he tried to throw off the stench of last night's craptastic end. He didn't want to dwell on it anymore. Even if the imagery was just too vivid.
He turned over and focused on her bare back instead. Her unruly curls. Her light snoring. The things that made him happy and grounded. He decided to close his eyes and focus on the idea of perhaps proposing to her if they ever got around to traveling to Philly today. To replace the thought of creepy Toby and kissy-face Dwight with the expression Pam might have on her face when he finally gets enough balls to ask.
He won't think about Hank the security guard slashing his tires when he's not around. Or Oscar avoiding him from now on. Or Phyllis not being on TeamJIM&PAM! anymore. Or how Meredith's bruised face was healing.
He'd focus on the only thing that matters. The best idea he's ever had. And that was being in love with Pam Beesly and asking her to marry him. And nothing would ever make him falter on that.
