She loved going over to his place after work. When they got to his front door, she would always rub his back as he put his key in the lock. Usually, this would calm her down, make her feel warm and comfortable walking into his place.
Tonight, though, she felt on edge. Her thoughts were all over the place, her mind racing from talking to that graphic designer earlier in the day. She didn’t want to bring it up, to start talking about it instead of celebrating his big sale.
“Pam?”
Her head jerked up, snapping her out of her thoughts. “What?”
Jim gave her a loopy smile. “Um…I was just asking you why you were standing there without moving. I mean, I just thought you would assume that you were invited in. You don’t need a formal invitation to sit on my couch, you know?”
She shook her head, trying to shake the nagging thoughts out of it. “I know. I was just…uh…thinking about something.”
“What?” he asked, dropping his keys on the counter and grabbing two beers from the fridge.
“It’s nothing.”
Jim reached over the counter to hand her an open bottle. “It is something if you felt the need to stand in my doorway in a daze.”
“It’s just…” She stopped and took a drink from her beer. This was stupid for her to worry about this. This is what couples do after all -- talk to each other about what they did that day, what their dreams are, what they want to do with their lives. But she was a receptionist at Dunder Mifflin and her artwork had been taken off the walls of her old school years ago.
Jim would think this is just a dumb idea anyway.
Then she looked up to see him staring intently at her. Of course he wouldn’t think it was dumb. “There was a graphic designer at the job fair today.”
“The job fair for the high school kids?” Jim asked sarcastically.
“Yeah, that one,” she replied lighthearted. “Anyway…I asked the guy about maybe getting an internship with the company.”
“To do graphic design?”
She looked down at her bottle of beer and started picking at the blue label. “Yeah. You know…to do graphic design.”
“So what did he say?”
She looked up to see Jim staring at her, his eyes filled with excited anticipation. “Um...well...he suggested I go to New York or Philly or something to get into a graphic design program.”
Jim took a swig from his beer and leaned over the counter. “So have you looked into any programs?”
“Um…oh…not yet.”
“You should," he said, smiling over at her. "Hey, I know Jan has proven to be crazy and all, but what about that Dunder Mifflin internship?”
She smiled over at him, seeing the same excitement in his eyes that she felt. “That may actually be a good thing to do.”
“That’s what I like to hear!” he said, standing up and walking over to Pam to plant a kiss on her cheek. Then he leaned close to her and whispered in her ear. “Maybe New York would be a good place for us.”
Us. Whatever concerns she had about this, whatever issues she had with talking to Jim about this, they all left and were replaced by a warm sensation starting from the spot on her back where his hand was and radiating through the rest of her body.
*****
So you're not doing it.
How did you know?
Why not?
Just...no big reason, just a bunch of little reasons.
Come on.
Roy's right. There's no guarantee it's going to lead to anything anyway.
Roy said that?
What? You have something you want to say?
You got to take a chance on something sometime, Pam.
She woke up from her half-awake daze remembering that day. Jim had been so excited for her and then so disappointed. And Roy -- wow. She couldn't even remember the last time she thought about Roy. Almost 10 years and she couldn't even remember the last time she thought about all that.Pam rolled over and saw Jim, the street lights filtering in through the window to outline his profile as he slept soundly on his back. She watched as his bare chest rose and fell with his breath, then ran her fingers through his tousled hair.
She wasn't sure yet how she was going to do this or, really, what she was going to do. She was still trying to get used to the idea that with Jim, she had choices. He wouldn't discourage her from things, wouldn't talk her out of ideas she had.
Pam snuggled in closer to Jim's warm skin and he instinctively grabbed the hand she laid on his chest.
You got to take a chance on something sometime, Pam.
Her first decision was to take a chance on herself. Her second was to take a chance on Jim. She herself would have no trouble admitting that sometimes she failed. Getting back together with Roy was not her finest moment, for example. But without taking those chances, she would never be here lying next to Jim in his bed. And now, she was ready to find a way out of being the receptionist knowing that this time, when she took a chance, Jim would be there to help her along the way.
You got to take a chance on something sometime, Pam.
