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Unleaded Love

When we finally made it into the car, there was a lot to talk about.

There was, of course, the engagement...or well, more specifically, Andy and Angela’s engagement (or as I like to call it, the first sign of the coming of the Antichrist). There was art school, Ryan getting arrested, Pam getting Michael to give Toby his watch. There was the mysterious happening of Phyllis running (yes, I said running) out of the office at top speed, followed by Angela and Dwight ten minutes later. And then there was the Toby Incident, in which I stumbled in on Toby dangerously close to a profession of love to Pam when I brought the car around to pick her up.

On any other day, Pam wouldn’t have been able to contain herself for a single second longer once we were alone. As soon as the car door closed, she would start with an amazed “Oh. My. God.” which would spur a conversation of disbelief that the people we worked with actually existed that usually lasted long after we had arrived home.

But today, even with all that had happened, Pam remained eerily silent. It had been a pretty quiet night after Andy’s surprise proposal to Angela had laid my plans to propose to Pam to rest. At first, I had been quiet because I felt too terrible to talk. But the more I thought about it, the more it struck me as strange that just not getting to propose felt so much like heartbreak, which then actually struck me as kind of wonderful. See, there was no doubt in mind before tonight that I wanted to live the rest of my life with Pam, but the pain caused by even a night’s delay of our future together promised me I couldn’t possibly live the rest of my life without her.

So while now I was ready to talk, Pam continued staring silently out the passenger side window for a reason I couldn’t fathom. In what had to be my most absolutely ridiculous thought ever, I wondered (with a level of jealously that actually made me squirm) if she was quietly thinking over the implications of the Toby Incident.

“So, I know we’ve been over this already,” (i.e. the night after Toby’s hand had decided to take an unscheduled holiday on my girlfriend’s leg) “But for the record, Toby is completely in love with you.” I said it mostly to break the silence and lighten the mood, although there might have been a small part of me that wanted to gauge her reaction.

“Jim, he’s just...” I could see Pam searching for a way to explain why Toby had approached her in the lobby, taken her hand in his, and started into a speech about how he had never met a woman like her. He was just mustering up the courage to finish when I came in, at which point he concluded with a flustered “…so we should stay friends.” Remembering all this, Pam sighed. “Okay, he’s a little bit in love with me.”

“Well, I guess I can’t blame him for that.” I took my eyes off the road for just a second to see her smile weakly at me. The feebleness of it made my stomach queasy.

As usual, I reached for humor as a crutch. “But really, professing love for someone already in relationship after some lame office party? Weak sauce.”

She breathed out through her nose with another small smile. It was as close to a laugh as I was going to get. “It’s an amateur mistake.”

Pam was playing the part, saying all the right things, but something still felt wrong to me. I made a mental note to get my muffler fixed, the clinking of which I never usually heard over our talking, but which now was the only sound in the car.

“Can you believe Andy proposed?” I said, trying desperately to spark conversation and combat the weird Pam-less-heartache feeling from earlier in the evening that was starting to come back. “That came out of nowhere.”

A strange look washed over her face, which I might have been better able to read if I wasn’t also trying to keep my eyes on the road. “Well actually, I wasn’t that surprised. I mean, I thought--I just kind of figured…I could tell something was up.”

I gasped dramatically. “And you didn’t tell me? What happened to our complete disclosure agreement?” I played, though honestly, I was a little disappointed. If Pam had told me she suspected Andy was planning to propose tonight, I wouldn’t have gotten my hopes up on proposing to her.

“I…” She tucked her hair behind her ears like she does whenever she’s nervous. “It…just. It was stupid; forget it. I promise I’ll tell you next time I have any suspicions.”

I could tell something was still upsetting her. The red light gave me the opportunity I needed to look directly in her eyes. “Pam, it’s me. You can tell me why, you know, you didn’t tell me…that is, as long as it doesn’t have something to do with you finding out through a sexual liaison with Dwight.”

She smiled and laughed a little. “Oh god no.” She laughed again, but this time I could hear the wetness of tears just underneath it. She looked down at her hands. “I mean it’s no big deal, nothing on scale with fulfilling my long held sexual fantasies with Dwight.” She paused to shudder. “Okay, I can’t even say that jokingly.”

I grinned and waited for her to continue.

“Anyway…I saw the fireworks and the Ferris wheel, and I assumed…well, I just thought…I guessed someone would be proposing. I just…didn’t think it would be Andy.” She blushed, and my heart caught in my throat. She had figured it out. I was too surprised to speak.

She took my silence the wrong way. “Oh god…I didn’t mean,” her wide eyes fluttered with panic. “I mean, I know you were joking when you said…but just. I don’t know—the fireworks and the camera crew was acting all sneaky…It was stupid, but you keep joking about it so I just thought—I’m an idiot. I am such an idiot. I—”

There was a tone of self-doubt in her voice that I hadn’t heard there since the first weeks we dated. I hated that I was the cause of it so much that without thinking, I blurted out—“Pam, I really was going to propose tonight.”

Her mouth snapped shut instantly, her eyes wide.

“Shit,” I mumbled under my breath, realizing exactly what I had just said. The car was silent again for a second, and I was scared that Pam might actually be able to physically hear my heart racing inside my chest.

“But then Andy…?” she asked.

I just nodded. There was silence again. I kept my eyes on the road.

“So…you weren’t joking?”

I gulped, even though my throat felt dry. “For once, no. Not at all. But I mean, if you’re not ready—”

“Jim…when I thought you were going to,” she paused and bit her lip. “I mean, as long as you still want to ask me—”

“Stop!”

I can’t tell you what I felt. It was too much. I knew what she was going to say, and as exciting as it was that she was saying yes, I didn’t want this to be it. “Pam. No. We can’t do this now. We’re in a car. It could possibly cause an accident. ”

“So pull over.” Her voice was forceful but tingled with either nervousness or excitement. I didn’t bother stealing a glance this time. I wanted my proposal to be amazing, and I knew if I looked at her, I wouldn’t be able to stop myself from asking her right there and then.

“I’m serious, Pam. I want to do this right. There’s no fireworks. No candles. No rose petals.”

I felt her hand on mine. I looked over for a second, and she squeezed it. “It was supposed to kick your ass,” I whined, knowing already from that one glance that the words were in vain.

“Oh come on Halpert, I promise you’ll have a lifetime of ass kicking opportunities ahead of you.” She smiled at me. The combination of that and the thought of a lifetime of ass-kickingly romantic moments with Pam melted away any will power I might have still been holding on.

“Then let’s do this thing.” I pulled over at the first place I saw. I banked into it like a madman, sure that if I had drive another second it would probably end up getting us killed.

I shifted into park with a slightly shaking hand, saw the sign, and laughed out loud. “I can’t believe I’m going to propose to you at an Exxon.”

“Quit stalling,” Pam said breathlessly.

I can’t tell you, and I don’t mean I don’t want to try, I mean I literally don’t have words for how it felt. It was—a rush. A complete and utter rush like you can’t imagine. I was at an Exxon station 5 minutes from my apartment about to get down on one knee on some very questionable pavement, and I was floating on clouds.

I got out of the car and opened the passenger side door. Pam looked straight at me, not even bothering to break the gaze when she unbuckled her seat belt. She turned towards me, and I got down on one knee, pulling out the ring.

“Pamela Morgan Beesly,” I said resisted saying something to make her laugh. No more laughing, no more waiting. This was it. I breathed out. “Will you marry me?”

“Well…” She paused as if unsure. My heart skipped a beat. Then she smiled wider than I think I’ve ever seen her smile. “Yes. Of course, yes.”

“You think you’re cute, don’t you?” I murmured in the two seconds it took for me to grab her and, in Michael’s (somewhat disturbing) words, “kiss her good.”

We only stopped when a passerby honked at us and shouted “Bow chicka wow wa!” (making me wonder if it was Kevin or Andy) out the window.

“Let’s go home?” Pam, my fiancé—my fiancé, whispered softly in my ear.

The mix of nerves, adrenaline, and unbridled joy was a pretty strong drug. I felt absolutely high (and glad Dwight was nowhere in sight to demand a urine test). “I’m not sure I’m okay to drive,” I admitted, kissing my future wife again.

“That’s a shame,” she said with feigned innocent but the familiar spark of mischief in her eyes. “Because I was hoping I could kick your ass the rest of the night.” She smiled seductively.

“You do mean figuratively speaking, right?” I played, kissing her hands.

She shrugged with a questioning pout and then laughed before she kissed me again. Her kisses always felt like the best kind of laughter.“God, I love you,” I exhaled.

She smiled. “I love you too.”

“So when the camera crew asks, we’ll come up with an elaborate and beautiful story about how I proposed to you on a moonlit beach lined with white candles. And we will say nothing about gas stations. Ever. Right?”

She giggled and nodded. “As long as I don’t win another ‘longest engagement’ Dundie.”

“Deal.” I smiled, wondering what her feelings might be about the making a try for the ‘shortest engagement’ Dundie. I looked down at Pam smiling up at me, and for the first time in a long time, I looked at my future and saw great things.

Fin.