Disclaimer: Jim, Pam, and all publicly recognized characters from "The Office" are property of NBC-Universal Television and Greg Daniels. No copyright infringment is intended. Please don't sue. You won't get much, I promise.
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Late on a Friday evening in May, Toby Flenderson’s going away party was drawing to a close. As the Ferris wheel was being dismantled, the irony was not lost on Jim that so was his plan to propose tonight.
As he leans against the fender of his car, waiting for Pam to finish talking to Meredith and Toby, Jim’s mind drifts to some pretty odd places. He sarcastically thinks that he should check the mail for a thank-you note from the future Mr. Bernard, since Jim shelled out $200 to provide the ambiance for Andy’s proposal to a woman who doesn’t even like him, let alone love him.
Though what he had planned for Pam didn’t flesh out this evening, Jim admits to himself that he will not let the disappointment drag him into the dark places that used to exist in his head. Even the recent threats to his job security have made him fight that much harder for, dig in and hang onto his plans for total happiness.
He refuses to go back to that place where he associated his all-consuming desire to love Pam with the crushing heartache of knowing he would never have the chance.
Because for Jim Halpert, those days are long gone.
Now, when he thinks of Pam, he’s reminded of how she lights up every corner of his soul, how fortunate he is that life’s simple twists of fate led him to this very moment. Jim feels like he needs to pinch himself when he realizes how close he is to asking Pam to become his wife.
Forcing himself back to the present, Jim watches Meredith take a picture of Toby with Pam, then two, then three, and realizes that he can sympathize with the guy in a kind of twisted way. He wonders if this is what Roy used to feel like -- watching from a distance while some other guy tried in vain to woo Pam away from him.
Jim and Pam had discussed the knee-groping incident shortly after it happened. While she admitted it made her uncomfortable, she said that she feels sorry for Toby and laughed off his obvious crush on her. She relented that he’d be leaving the country soon, “so please don’t make it into a big deal.” Jim briefly wondered if Pam had a similar talk with Roy about himself. He understood that she needed him to know that Toby isn’t even a blip on her radar, and to just let him leave in peace.
He has too much respect for Pam to do anything other than what he promised.
The velvet box in his left pocket inspires him to formulate Plan B, and one that could be executed very soon.
When he bought the ring out of sheer impulse, on a Tuesday almost a year ago, they were in the embryonic phase of what he knew was going to be the rest of his life with Pam. They had made love for the first time just three nights before, forgetting how they both promised to take their newfound romance slow, reconnect as friends, before embarking on a more serious endeavor.
They made it through three and a half dates before deciding to hell with that idea.
When Pam finally left his apartment to do some things at home that Sunday afternoon -- laundry and other chores she had ignored to spend half of Friday and an entire Saturday in bed with him -- she left her new lover a changed man.
Though people who knew him well would describe Jim Halpert as friendly and easygoing, the man himself had spent most of his life worried that he was missing out on something big, but could never quite put his finger on what it might be. Pam Beesly had given him the answer. For the first time in his adult life, Jim felt calm and settled, that he was exactly where he was supposed to be. In the span of a few perfect days, the stars had aligned precisely where he thought they should.
Jim spent the next two days smiling so much that his cheeks hurt.
On a sunny May Tuesday at noon, he told Pam that he had to close a sale in Dunmore in person, and that he would not be able to have lunch with her. Since they decided to not let their co-workers in on their little secret just yet, Pam smiled and said she would see him in an hour or so. When he leaned in closer, winked at her and whispered that he would make up for it later, she had to cover half of her face with a piece of paper so that no one would see her huge smile or catch her blushing.
On the way back from meeting with his client, Jim wasn’t quite sure what possessed him to walk into Levy’s, but there he was, peering into a glass case, mulling his choices and thinking about the newly activated American Express in his wallet that was there in case an emergency expense came up.
Sally, the grandmotherly woman who waited on him, peppered him with questions, asking about his girlfriend’s taste in jewelry. Would she like a solitaire or a more elaborate setting? Yellow gold, white, or platinum? Marquis, round, or princess cut? Jim didn’t really answer the woman as he continued to squint at the pieces placed before him on the counter, picking up a few of them and using his finely honed salesman bullshit skills to ask questions, pretending to know the first thing about buying fine jewelry.
He thought about the cheap diamond chip that Pam wore on her finger the first few years he knew her, and how she deserved something that reflected his absolute love for her. Nothing too over the top and pretentious, but something pure and exquisite that would suit her perfectly.
He ended up choosing a 1.5-carat round solitaire set in platinum. Sally went on and on about how this was an excellent choice, about how the diamond had some superior rating of clarity. But all Jim could think about was how it would match the sparkle in Pam’s eyes when he looked at her across a dimly lit restaurant table on their first date.
As he loaded up his card with nearly $4,000 he didn’t really plan on spending that day, all Jim could think about was the how it would probably kill him to have to wait to give her the ring. Of course, he was going to hold off for a while, as he wasn’t sure exactly what Pam’s feelings were on engagement or marriage after being strung along by Roy for so many years. He hated that this early in their relationship, he was already comparing himself to Pam‘s ex. But, in reality, all of Pam’s experience in the field was wrapped up in the last ten years with the same man, so Jim alotted some room for the history that would probably be lurking in the shadows for a while.
As he returned to his car, Jim felt the bulky shape of the small box in his jacket pocket, a physical reminder that he just might be growing into the man that he always secretly hoped he would become. While dating the few long-term girlfriends he’d ever had -- one in high school, one in college, even Karen was on the short list -- he had never even entertained the thought of marriage.
In the end stages of their relationship, Karen was blatantly hinting that she was ready to be married. They would lay in bed together while she ruminated that she wasn’t going to change her last name (because it wasn’t worth the hassle and took away part of her identity), but that the kids could have his. Jim would stare at the ceiling and nod when it was his cue, but the only children he could ever imagine himself fathering would have reddish-brown curly hair, Pam’s beautiful eyes, hopefully not his nose and ears and, sadly, would probably never exist.
Jim was shaken out of his reverie as Pam said her final good-byes to Toby. He observed the sad-eyed man watch her walk away for good, and Jim recognized the same pathetic look that he probably gave after Pam hundreds of times. She strode towards the car with that small, knowing smile, and his thoughts were once again riveted to what was burning a hole in his pocket.
Jim had thought about popping the question on several occasions over the last year, but he decided that Christmas, her birthday, or Valentine’s Day were all too cliché for his taste. It had to be truly special, but it also had to be something she was ready for. When the conversation about moving in together happened, Pam thought Jim had been joking about proposing, but it was exactly the indication he was looking for. She wouldn’t have mentioned becoming engaged if she didn’t want to be, and all signs pointed to she wanted to be engaged to him.
His idea earlier today was that a festive office party, complete with fireworks and nostalgia for the place that made them who they are as a couple, good and bad, would be the perfect setting. Naturally, it turned out to be ill-timed as Andy had the same “brilliant” thought.
Jim could read the disappointment on Pam’s face as much as he felt his own. He had to do it and he had to do it soon.
“Hey,” she said as she approached and he pulled her into a quick hug. “Everything okay?” She looked concerned.
“Fine. Just thinking about things.”
“What kind of things?” she asked, still a pensive look on her face. Jim didn’t want there to be anything left unsaid, so he tried to ease the mood a little.
“Let’s go away this weekend.”
She smiled. “Where to?”
“Oh, I don’t know. It’s kind of a surprise. We have some celebrating to do.”
“Really? Why might we have some celebrating to do?”
“Well, for one, my best girl got into this prestigious summer art program, and I’d like to send her off in style. Also, the tiny bearded tyrant of Dunder Mifflin seems to have had his last stand, so I just figured there might be many reasons to celebrate this weekend.” He added an obvious wink that she very much picked up on.
“Huh. Well, those sound like some legitimate reasons to me.”
Jim gave Pam a kiss and Pam gave Jim a smile, and any traces of their earlier shared melancholy were erased.
As they walked around to her side of the car and he opened the door for her, Toby was still standing there, and for the first time in a long time, Jim felt like a kindred spirit to his former friend. He made his way back over to the driver’s side, gave a small wave and a genuine “good luck, Toby” before he joined Pam in the car and drove off towards their future.
Story Notes:
I wrote this for my own sanity, because we weren't given any clues as to what the heck was going on during the last few minutes of Thursday's episode.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Enjoy! Also, I've never been to Scranton or claim to know anything about it, but the internet is a wonderful tool. Please don't throw garbage at me if any places in Scranton are not depicted with 100% accuracy in this story.
Mountaineers02 is the author of 2 other stories.
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