There isn’t exactly strategic planning to the way he places his words. If he had actually tried to put more thought in to it then he probably wouldn’t have given in to this indulgence that let himself believe that this is what was best. He just lets himself get consumed by his own selfishness as he tells her he might need a little space when in reality it’s probably farther than anything he’s ever truly wanted.
Her eyes look up at him round from shock and red from the tears that are starting to fall out slowly spreading over her cheeks. She wipes them away quickly trying to gain full control of her voice as she asks him if that’s what he really wants. Her words quake with mixtures of hurt and anger but more importantly surprise. “This is really what you want, Jim?” she asks again a little louder than before.
He never stops watching her. Every word from her is a punch in his stomach that he’s all too willing to take. He made this happen and he’s not afraid to tell himself that as he himself starts to cry. “I just need to think about some things. That’s all. I just need to be alone for a little bit.”
“I’m not going to play games with you, Jim.” She’s stern, cold, and distant. He swears he can see her love slowly leaving her body as if she was turning to stone right in front of his eyes. “I don’t understand this and I’m not sure I’m going to.”
“I just need to think. That’s all.” His fingers reached out to her and spread across her hands trying to feel as much of her skin as possible. “I love you. I just need to think.”
“Think about what?” She yells yanking herself away from him entirely. There are no more tears, no endearing quality to the way she’s looking at him, nothing but anger. “What part of this feels like love to you, Jim?” One tear falls down his cheek, then a second before countless others follow. He expects her to reach out and wipe them away for him but she doesn’t move. Her eyes just dig holes in to him demanding more from him than he’s even sure he can give her.
“I do love you. I love you so much.” His hand touches her arm rubbing it slightly before his entire body starts shaking with disappointment when she pulls away. “I don’t know what I’m doing, Pam.” It’s almost as if the floor has been taken out from under him and he surrenders all control over falling in to the chair behind him.
She moves. The point where anger can no longer cloud love and hope all but stabs her, and leans in to hold him closer to her. She lets him cling to her abdomen as she runs her fingers threw his hair. “Then why are you doing this?” She whispers. “You don’t have to do this.” Her voice cracks against his head as she leans down to kiss his forehead softly. “We don’t have to do this. We can go lie down and just talk. We don’t have to leave things like this.”
“I just want to think about stuff, Pam.” He practically embeds his face in to her stomach like if he were to let go she’d disappear. “That’s it. I don’t want to lose you.”
“What do you need to think about?” She coaxes him as if he were an adolescent child. “Just talk to me.” She puts her lips right next to his ear letting him feel the warmth of her breath hit is face.
“You won’t be here tomorrow.” He lefts his face up to burry it in the crook of her neck. “When I go to bed tomorrow night you’re going to be hours away, and when I wake up in the morning you’ll be just as far. It hurts too much to miss you. I can’t look up from my desk and see you, or kiss you, or touch you whenever I want, you’re just not going to be around.”
“We only have one more month, Jim. Then I’ll be moving back to Scranton. We both know Michael is going to hire me back. He’d beg if I didn’t volunteer already.” She kisses his cheek. “I’m coming home. You know that.”
He brings himself to stand still leaning most of his weight on to her. “I don’t know if I can keep watching you leave.” His arms go empty and it’s almost as if he had just lost a piece of his own anatomy when she steps away from him to look him dead in the eyes.
“Do you want me to just stay? Not go back? Not finish school and work at Dunder Mifflin for the rest of my life?”
“No.” He shakes his head profusely. “I just need…”
“What about what I need? Are you interested in what I need?”
“Of course!” he demanded. There were no more tears, no lingering attempts to touch her. He took his turn to step away from her in complete shock by the obscurity of the question.
“I need to know that I have a home to come back to in a month. That I still have a life and a fiancé and a life.” All he can do is watch her twist her engagement, sliding it half way off her finger before pushing it back. She did this over and over again each time she’d push the ring a little further making it harder for him to catch his breath. When she did finally take it off her finger all together he felt the air leave his lungs and his world start to crumble. “Take it back.” Once he started to shake his head he couldn’t stop. “Just take it…” The tears that covered her cheeks couldn’t be wiped away or cleared up quickly. “Take it back and give it back to me when you really mean it. When you’re ready to give me what I need.”
“I won’t take it back, Pam.” He wanted to look her in the eyes to let him know just how much he meant every word but he couldn’t stop staring at how the ring lying in her hand like a piece of scrap metal. “I just wanted to slow down a little bit. Not… not like this.” He could see her body start shaking. He slipped one hand in to her hair letting his thumb rub against the stains on her cheek the tears left behind. He kissed her forehead, her cheeks, and when she closed her eyes he placed small kisses on top of them. As his lips went to hers his other hand reached out and took the ring while his other hand slipped down to find the right finger. He slid the cold piece of metal back down her finger.
Story Notes:
I wrote this only a couple of days after the finale. I know it's not beta'd,I couldn't find one, so I don't need be told that a bunch of times. I did reread it a bunch of times so if there are mistakes I'm just pruely blind to them.
I'm not sure if this is going to be a one shot or not.
I'm not sure if this is going to be a one shot or not.
Author's Chapter Notes:
I didn't really have anything in mind when I started writing this and the only reason I kept going with it was because of Elly.
Chapter End Notes:
Please review. Even if you hate it.
