~~~~~~~~~~~~
Randall cut the interview short, sensing that Pam had somewhere to be, and fast.
“Have a good weekend, Pam,” the producer said, smiling.
“Thanks. I hope it's good.” Pam was reminded of why Randy was her favorite guy on the crew.
“Oh, I think everything will turn out just fine,” he chuckled while packing up his PortaBrace for the week.
Pam returned to Reception to shut down her computer, when she saw the Post-it stuck to the monitor.
“Meet me at the picnic table,” it read. A smiley face after the last word made her feel more at ease over what to expect this evening. Pam was hoping this “date” thing wasn’t going to be Jim letting her down easy, telling her that he was moving to New York with Karen and that they probably would never see each other again. Sort of a “have a nice life” speech.
She shut down her workspace for the weekend and grabbed her purse. The light anxiety over what was going to happen with Jim battled in her head with the fact that over the last week, they had made some small but significant steps in mending their broken friendship.
Pam prayed that she wouldn’t have to watch him leave her life for the second time in a year.
She made her way down to the picnic table at the far side of the building. It was nestled in between a couple of trees and semi-secluded from the rest of the office space. Pam and Jim had eaten lunch there together many, many times over the past few years. The spot contained happy memories for her, something to look forward to in the middle of a random, boring workday. They would sit in the warm summer sun, laughing and joking, or plotting their next acts of terror against Dwight.
The times that it was just the two of them -- if Roy was unloading a truck through lunch, or if Toby and Kelly decided to eat inside -- were all the more special.
Pam rounded the corner by the warehouse and there he was, sitting on the tabletop with his feet on the bench, his jacket tossed to the side, looking down at his hands clasped between his long legs. When he heard her approach, he looked up with a shy smile that she hadn't seen on Jim Halpert's face probably since the day they met.
She couldn’t help but appreciate how handsome he looked in his snazzy black suit and new haircut. Pam knew that it was all Karen’s influence, but she had to admit that he cleaned up pretty well. He had his sleeves rolled up and tie loosened like a little boy uncomfortable in his church clothes, so she was relieved to find that her best friend Jim was still in there somewhere.
“Hey.”
“Oh, hey. Sorry I broke in on your interview. I figured you were almost done.”
“Yeah, Randy kept pumping me for information. Whether I knew if you got the job or not.”
“Hmm. Well, I guess he’ll be grilling me on Monday.” His expression didn’t really give anything away as to what happened in New York.
Pam wasn‘t sure how to take that one.
“How did things go?”
“Actually, my interview went really well, I think. Wallace seems to like me. I didn‘t accept the job, though.”
Pam hoped Jim couldn’t see her visible sigh of relief.
“Oh.”
“Yeah, I just couldn’t see it working out. Don’t get me wrong, New York is exciting, but I started to feel like I wouldn’t recognize myself if I stayed there. I --”
“Jim, I need to tell you something,” Pam blurted suddenly. He looked up at her, wide-eyed and with rapt attention.
“Okay, sure.”
“I just wanted to say that I’m sorry.”
“Pam, you already --”
“Please let me finish.” He nodded.
“I want to say that I’m sorry for what I did to you. I know this is not easy for us to talk about, but you have to believe me when I say that I’m sorry, from the bottom of my heart, for what happened last year. I’ve been trying to be more honest lately, so I can finally understand the guts it took for you to tell me how you really felt. I’m sorry that you had to leave the state to get away from me. I’m sorry that I didn’t contact you over the summer. It took everything I had to not get in my car and drive to Connecticut after I left Roy. There was no one in the world I wanted to see more than you. You need to know that. But I knew that for the first time in my life, I had to stand on my own two feet.”
Try as she might to hold them back, tears were now trickling down her face. But they were good tears, cleansing tears. They held Jim’s gaze and they gave her the confidence to proceed.
“Jim, that night that you told me how you felt,
I was so -- I didn’t know how to react. I mean, I was like two weeks away from my wedding, and you just knocked me on my ass. You didn’t misinterpret anything. That’s probably the worst lie I’ve ever told. Of course I had feelings for you. But I believed that I wanted to marry Roy for so long, that I didn’t know who I was outside of that. I couldn’t change so quickly. I don’t have your courage. I’m sorry that you didn’t get the reaction that you wanted from me, and I wish I could go back and fix things. If you’ve decided to move on, then all I can do is wish you happiness. More than anybody I know, you deserve it.”
Jim blinked back what Pam suspected were tears of his own and shook his head. “Wow. You're certainly earning your merit badge in public speeches lately." His smile took the edge off of the seriousness of her confessional.
Suddenly, she was laughing through her tears and exhaling the breath she didn’t realize she’d been holding.
“Pam, I need to say something, too. Something happened today when I was interviewing with Wallace. He asked me where I see myself in ten years. I think he wanted to hear that I’d still be at Dunder Mifflin, still be in New York, living in Chelsea or SoHo, or wherever the cool kids live. Maybe I‘d even have a Blackberry and a Vespa. The problem is that if I choose that life, Pam, I don’t think I’d ever really be happy. Even if I left Scranton for twenty years, I don’t think I could ever get you out of my head.”
A fresh round of tears started down Pam’s face.
“You see, I could see myself living in New York, maybe even staying with Karen, trying to convince myself that I’m supposed to be in love with her. But it wouldn’t be fair to her, because every time I’d see a woman walking down the street who resembled you, I would have to turn my head to see if it was.
I don’t want to have to imagine how your life turned out -- if you’d stayed in Scranton, if you’d gotten married and had kids, if you ever got the chance to really be an artist. I don’t want to constantly wonder if I missed out on an amazing life because I couldn’t be honest with myself.”
He gestured down his body. “This is not me.”
“It’s just not who you are,” Pam agreed.
He smiled and continued. “I need you to know -- I need you to know that I never meant to be the jerk who’s been ignoring you for months. I can’t apologize enough for that.”
“It’s okay. I think I deserved it after everything I put you through.”
“No, you don’t. I spent five years promising myself
that if -- you were mine, I’d spend every day not taking you for granted. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had, and nobody has the right to treat you that way. Especially me.”
Pam beamed at the fact that after all this, after everything that has gone wrong, he still considered her his best friend. It was the most welcome gift she’d received in quite a while. But she braced herself for the toughest question. “So, what happened with Karen?”
“I told her the truth, for once. I told her that I had to come back here. I told her that I was sorry I led her on and put her in this situation in the first place.”
“I’m sorry, too.”
“Please don’t be. I was really a sucky boyfriend to her. Karen’s a great girl.
She’s just not -- It‘s always been you, Pam.”
“Are you sure?” The light in her eyes was something Jim had waited a lifetime for.
“Um, let me think about it…”
Before he could finish the joke, Pam launched herself into his arms. As she kissed him, it was like the last year had dissolved, and they were standing back in the dark office. Except this time, there was no fiance waiting at home, no transfer, no upcoming wedding, no rebound girlfriends.
There were no abrupt confessions of love, no denial and no breaking of each other’s hearts.
This time, they had the chance to get it right.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Story Notes:
I'm new to writing fic, but I'm an old, salty veteran of reading it. This story has been spinning around in my head for a while, so I decided to finally put my fingers to the keys. I was feeling a bit nostalgic for May of 2007, after seeing "The Job," when our only angst as a fandom was where Jim and Pam went on their date. I'm about a year too late with this one, but please join me on this trip down memory lane. Title is taken from a line in a movie (I think it was "Where the Heart Is" with Natalie Portman), and it's always stuck with me as something incredibly romantic, yet simple, that you could say to someone you love. I thought it was a fitting statemement for Jim and Pam.
Author's Chapter Notes:
Disclaimer: Jim Halpert, Pam Beesly, and any other recognizable characters from "The Office" are the property of NBC-Universal Television and Greg Daniels. No copyright infringment is inteneded.
Chapter End Notes:
Well, there it is. I hope you enjoyed my contribution to all of the "First Date" fics, even though it's not about the actual date. Let me know what you think. Your reviews are to me what hand sanitizer is to Meredith.
Mountaineers02 is the author of 2 other stories.
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