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 A Decisive Moment

The kiss probably should not have happened, but he hadn’t been able to stop himself. She was everything he wanted and the kiss had just made him want her even more.

Jim stood there unable to do anything except to stare at her and wait for her to shoot him down. He had no idea where he was going to go from here. All he knew was that he had to take the chance especially now that he had nothing to lose. She already owned his heart so there was no longer a worry for it to be broken.

Pam’s clear blue eyes were looking up at him and he felt like he had been kicked to the stomach when he saw the tears filling them. ‘Oh God. What have I done?’

"I’m sorry." He took a step back away from her as his eyes began to wander the room looking for the nearest exit to escape, "I really am sorry, Pam."

Pam’s heart was racing and a lump formed in her throat keeping her from speaking. These last 15 minutes had totally thrown her world in chaos and she had no idea how she was going to handle all of it.

Her best friend was in love with her. Most important, she was realizing that she may feel the same for him.

"I...I," she stuttered trying to say something as she saw the distress flash in his eyes.

Jim shook his head sharply, "No, it’s not okay," he sighed as he looked down at his feet not able to meet her eyes, "I should have not kissed you. You are an engaged woman who is about to be married in a few weeks. I had no right."

Pam wanted to reach out and grab Jim and tell him he was wrong that he had every right in the world, but that would have been wrong. He was right. She was engaged and pledged to marry someone who wasn’t Jim.

She had found her soul mate 10 years too late. Why had he waited so long to find her and tell her how he felt? This was her best friend and now the man that she would be thinking of for the rest of her life as she shared it with another.

Pam held up a hand wanting to say something, to say anything to him, "Jim..."

He shook his head once again, "I know that I have ruined our friendship." He ran a hand across the back of his neck, "I just couldn’t move to Stamford without taking a chance."

His words seemed to hit her like a lightning bolt as she stood there stunned at what he just said, ‘moving. To Stamford.’

Jim lifted his head and looked at her in time to see a cloud of confusion on her face, "Last week I talked to Jan about a transfer. I will be moving to the Stamford branch in a few weeks."

"What!?" Pam cried out in shock, "Your leaving?"

He let out an audible sigh, "Come on, Pam. You knew that I couldn’t stay and watch you marry him. That would just be torture."

Pam found herself leaning against the desk needing the support as her knees almost gave out. He was leaving her. She would never see him again.

The tears were now streaming down her cheeks as she realized the meaning of tonight. He was finally taking a chance on something. It was the same thing he told her to do so many months ago, but she had told him that she was fine with her decisions.

But she wasn’t. How could she be fine when the man that knew her so much better than anyone else was going to walk out that door and never look back? It was unfathomable.

Pam some how got the words out around that lump that had gotten bigger the more she cried, "What if....what if I didn’t marry him?" she said in almost a whisper.

Jim wasn’t sure if he had heard her right, "What?"

"Would you stay if I called it off?" she reached up to swipe a tear from her cheek.

He looked at her as if she was crazy. Was she really thinking about calling the wedding off for him?

Pam grabbed onto the first thing that she could think of, "I will just tell Roy that we have to postpone the wedding again"

Jim had been feeling a sense of hope within him until she uttered those words, "Postpone?"

She nodded enthusiastically and sniffled her nose, "Then you won’t have to move to Stamford."

This time it was a heavy sigh that he released as if Jim was trying to exhale the pain that had just filled his soul, "and then what, Pam? You just delay your wedding for another year?"

"No!" she once again cried out as her eyes widened of what he was implying, "That’s not what I mean."

"That’s just what you said, Pam." He took a step back from her and turned his body toward the door, "Look, maybe it’s best if I leave and we just pretend tonight never happened."

"Wait Jim!" she stood from where she was leaning and started after him, "Don’t leave."

"It will be better for us both if I do."

"That’s not true." Pam grabbed his arm to stop him, "You can’t go to Stamford, Jim. You can’t leave me."

He suddenly spun and looked at her with tears in his own eyes, "What? It’s okay for you to leave me but I can’t leave you?"

"I’m not leaving you, Jim." She whispered unable to comprehend how much this was hurting him.

"Yes you are." He stuffed his hands in his pockets, "You are marrying another man in a few weeks and then there will no longer be a Pam and Jim. It will be Pam and Roy."

Pam shook her head in denial, "No."

"I wish that were true." He leaned his head back to stare silently at the ceiling not really seeing it.

She felt the tears form again and wanted nothing more than to have him wrap his arms around her and tell her that everything was okay. Pam wanted more than anything for them to be all right again.

"I just need time, Jim." She pleaded, "I have been with Roy so long that I can’t see anything else."

He nodded, "I know. I had hoped that you would have come to see me as more over the year, but nothing I did or said led you into my arms."

"You don’t know how many times I had wished to be there." She whispered as she looked up at him, "I think I lost count when my wishes became hopes."

Jim glanced down at her and was knocked away by how small and fragile she looked. This conversation was really taking a toll on her and he had no one to blame but himself.

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Pam." He gave a lopsided smile, "You couldn’t help that I fell so completely head over heals in love with you."

Her heart quickened once again at his confession. When he had told her outside in the parking lot that he was in love with her, she had been so stunned that the words had not registered for a few seconds. She hadn’t known what to say to those wonderful words.

So she had broken his heart and her own by saying, "I can’t."  She did not  say "I love Roy"or "I don’t love you" only "I can’t". Which implied that she wanted to, but that there was some thing stopping her.

Roy.

What was she going to do?

Looking into his beautiful expressive eyes, Pam came to a decision, "I’ll cancel the wedding."

Jim once again looked stunned at her, "You’re going to cancel your wedding?"

She nodded and stepped closer needing to feel his warmth after feeling so cold and lost during the last unsettling moments, "Give me time, Jim. Time to sort my life out and space to deal with Roy."

Jim felt that hope begin to rise again as he watched her, "I can give you time and space."

Pam let the small smile stretch across her lips as she stepped closer once more until they were only inches apart, "Then don’t go to Stamford, because, in time, there definitely will be a reason to stay."

He felt his own smile taking over his face at her words and he couldn’t help but reach out and wrap his arms around her waist bringing her closer, "Deal."

She felt like a weight had suddenly been lifted from her chest and she was able to breathe better. He was not going anywhere and in the very near future they would be more than just best friends.

"Let’s seal the deal." Pam whispered as her lips were a hair breath away from his own.

Jim chuckled and raised his eyebrow, "What about that space thing that you just talked about?"

She looked over his shoulder at the wall clock then back at him, "That doesn’t start for another 30 minutes. You think we can fill that time?"

He laughed out loud with amusement as his arms tightened around her and he felt Pam’s hands slide around his shoulders. Jim couldn’t believe that this night had turned so drastically from the agony of defeat to him winning the girl of his dreams.

"I think I know of just the thing." He stated before his lips met hers and neither of them thought of anything again.

Well at least not for the next 30 minutes.