Pam was banged up – mentally and emotionally. Everyday she would go through the same routine by trying to make ends meet. Whether it was closing her eyes as tight as she could when she kissed Roy before work, or packing a few pieces of chocolate for lunch to calm her nerves, Pam tried everything. But no matter what the situation or what the little unnatural perk in her life was, Pam would put on a smile because that was the type of girl she was.
Pam laughed. A lot. How else was she supposed to get through the insanely boring and painful days at work? Her smile hid everything she was feeling – the ache, confusion, and hopelessness of her mostly dreary life. Yes, Pam had up-days, sure. But for the most part, seeing certain people and thinking of certain aspects of her life plummeted through Pam’s weak barrier to pain.
It was because of Jim that Pam made it through. Jim was the one who made her laugh. He was the one in charge of her smile. And his smile – oh, his smile – brought every bit of curiosity out in her. Whenever he looked at her, Jim’s eyes intent and soulfully on hers, Pam wondered what he was thinking. Did he think Pam looked beautiful? Did he think Pam was funny? Charming? Pam knew the answers to the inevitable questions she asked herself, but the endless possibilities of questions made Pam’s head spin. Pam loved it when he looked at her. Absolutely loved it.
Of course, there were always downfalls to having a best friend who happens to be a male. In many of Pam’s experiences, one of the “best friends” would unintentionally fall for the other. It was natural, she assumed. Pam knew Jim would do anything for her. She knew he wanted her to be as happy as possible, no matter what the situation. She knew he really cared. Pam was almost positive Jim had a “thing” for her. She just didn’t realize how deep it really was.
Unfortunately for Pam, her ability to not let things go was impossible to break. She had constantly tried to reason with herself – to make herself understand she was doing the right thing by being with Roy. Pam had convinced herself there was nothing between her and Jim and there wouldn’t ever be; she was supposed to be with Roy. That was final.
Nevertheless, Pam would catch herself staring at Jim for too long or thinking about him at the worst times or even talking about him too much with her friends. Pam knew she was in trouble but couldn’t bring herself to agree, no matter how much it hurt. It felt like all of Pam’s answers were right in front of her but she kept running in every direction to get away.
Pam tried to smile like nothing was wrong. She tried to talk like everything was perfect. And act like was all a dream. Pam tried so insanely hard to pretend it wasn’t hurting her.
Story Notes:
Just a quick non-plot story of Pam. Her viewpoints and her beliefs - everything she thought but couldn't say.
Chapter End Notes:
I hope you enjoyed it!
Dwangie is the author of 25 other stories.
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