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Story Notes:
Okay, so. This is my first fanfic. Ever. Please do not eat me. I was thinking of being super-ambitious and making it so that I wrote a Jim/Pam instant messaging conversation (or sometimes an email/text message) for every episode in the series until season five premiered. So, if I do stick with this idea, here goes.
Author's Chapter Notes:
I don't own anything. However, if I did, I would truly be the happiest person on earth, now that Lou Gehrig is dead. Title from We're Going to Be Friends by The White Stripes.
JHalpert: Good day.
PBeesly: Hola.
JHalpert: QUESTION. What can make our very annoying boss even more annoying?
PBeesly: Ooh! Ooh! Pick me! I know!
JHalpert: Yes, that pretty little lady at the desk.
PBeesly: Hey, don’t pick Angela!
JHalpert: I’m picking you, psycho.
PBeesly: Well I’m not the only woman sitting at a desk, psycho.
JHalpert: I said pretty. And Angela scares me.
PBeesly: Anyway, I know the answer to your question.
JHalpert: What is the answer?
PBeesly: A camera crew!!!
JHalpert: Ah, yes. The crew. Speaking of which, did you fill out your release form yet?
PBeesly: Yes sir.
JHalpert: I dare you to put “No thank you” where it asks you for your sex.
PBeesly: Think about how old you are, Jim. You’re a grown man.
JHalpert: Grown men know what’s funny.
JHalpert: Well, except Michael.
PBeesly: I was gonna say.
JHalpert: So did you do it?
PBeesly: “Sex: No thank you.”
JHalpert: Yay. I’m buying you a bag of chips later.
PBeesly: Do you know what kind?
JHalpert: Uh…
JHalpert: I wanna say it starts with an “h”…
PBeesly: French onion.
JHalpert: Knew it.
JHalpert: Oh, goody. Michael’s asking me into his office. With the cameras. Kill me now.
PBeesly: No thank you.
JHalpert has signed off

-

JHalpert has signed on.
JHalpert: He called me young grasshopper.
PBeesly: Ouch.
JHalpert: And he called one of our female clients “sir.”
PBeesly: Ouch.
JHalpert: And the cameras were there.
PBeesly: Ouch.
JHalpert: Okay, it’s hard to believe your sympathy when I’m just a couple feet away from your desk.
JHalpert: I can hear you snickering, madam.
PBeesly: Grown women know what’s funny.
JHalpert: Damn you.
PBeesley is away.
JHalpert: Hello?
Auto Response from PBeesly: Michael is introducing me to the cameras. When will death come?
PBeesly is back from away.
JHalpert: So, in the future, what do we do with faxes from corporate?
PBeesly: Throw them away.
JHalpert: Good girl.
PBeesly: :-P
JHalpert: So, what did you look like a couple years ago?
PBeesly: I will kill you.
JHalpert: Well, you could’ve done that like, twenty minutes ago when I wanted to die. Now I do not.
PBeesly: Fine, I will spare you, mortal.
JHalpert: Thank you.
PBeesly: You’re welcome.
JHalpert has signed off.

-

JHalpert has signed on.
PBeesly: WHASSAAAAP?
JHalpert: WHASAAAAAAAAAP?
PBeesly: WHASAAAAAAAAAAAAAAP?
JHalpert: You win.
PBeesly: Don’t I always?
PBeesly: Gotta go, meeting with Jan.
JHalpert: Godspeed.
PBeesly has signed off.

PBeesly has signed on.
JHalpert: How was it?
PBeesly: Ugh.
JHalpert: What did you learn?
PBeesly: Todd Packer called to ask if Jan’s curtains match her drapes.
JHalpert: Do they?
PBeesly: Be quiet.
JHalpert: What did they talk about? Besides Jan, I mean.
PBeesly: Downsizing.
JHalpert: Yikes.
PBeesly: Well, at least the conversation involved Michael. So it was entertaining.
JHalpert: You’re glass-half-full kind of girl.
PBeesly: Angela is having a cat party.
JHalpert: A WHAT?
PBeesly: Come talk to me. Now.
JHalpert has signed off.

-

JHalpert has signed on.
PBeesly: Did Dwight fall and pierce an organ?
JHalpert: I wish. He killed my beautiful fort with his phone.
PBeesly: Oh, please don’t fake cry, Jim.
DKSchrute has signed on.
DKSchrute: Stop crying, you girl. If you ever attempt to use pointy objects as a way to harm me ever again, I will be forced to use my green-belt skills on you.
DKSchrute has signed off.
JHalpert: Don’t laugh at me.
PBeesly: I can’t help it.
JHalpert: One word, two syllables. Shut it.
PBeesly: That’s two words.
JHalpert: Conference room meeting!
PBeesly: Oh, we haven’t had one of those in oh… a few hours?
JHalpert: It’ll be the first one with the cameras.
JHalpert: We’ll get to go see how everybody reacts to them.
PBeesly: I’m there.
JHalpert has signed off.
PBeesly has signed off.

-

PBeesly has signed on.
JHalpert has signed on.
PBeesly: Stalker.
JHalpert: Excuse me?
PBeesly: How do you know my favorite flavor of yogurt?
JHalpert: Um…
JHalpert is away.
PBeesly: Hello?
Auto Response from JHalpert: Watch this, Beesly.
PBeesly: YOU PUT DWIGHT’S STAPLER IN JELL-O?!?
JHalpert is back from away.
JHalpert: It’s a compliment. Jell-o is delicious.
PBeesly: Jim, now is the time to stop putting Dwight’s personal effects in Jell-o.
JHalpert: You know, guffawing is very un-lady-like.
PBeesly: I can’t help it. That prank took the cake.
JHalpert: Niiiice.
JHalpert has signed off.
PBeesly has signed off.

-

PBeesly: Hi, sorry I couldn’t go out for drinks with you guys.
JHalpert: Oh. No big deal.
JHalpert: I have to go. Phone.
PBeesly: Oh. Okay.
JHalpert has signed off.
Chapter End Notes:
I assumed that since The Fight is in season two and Dwight is a purple belt there, he would be a green belt in this story. I hope you liked it, it was really fun writing it. =) Reviews are like a shirtless Jim. They make a happy me.

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