Well, I’m going to skip through Junior High. I’ll quickly summarize, but life started to turn around in High School, so I’ll try and be quick.

Everyone was going through puberty. I had terrible hair, bad skin, and ugly clothes and was trying to find my voice. So was everyone else, but it always seemed that the way I was doing it was wrong. The intelligent kids became geeks, the artistic kids became weirdos, the kids who played sports became jocks, and the pretty girls became popular.

It was a horrific uncomfortable time in everyone’s lives, but I still had Roy. We, of course, broke it off, then would get back together, fight, get back together, argue, get back together. I would need space. Then we’d get back together. It was a constant cycle that we fed off.

However, the only bright light shining through the horror of adolescence was that Jim and Karen broke up. He seemed crushed, but she and her family were moving out of state, and I guess they both knew that trying to have a long-distance relationship at this age was ridiculous. Or at least that’s what I told myself.

So it begins, the last four years of my known life and a new journey awaiting around the bend. 

****

“Hey, Beesly” Jim had started calling me that in 8th grade, right after Karen left. It always caused a light flutter in my chest.

“Hi, Halpert! Are you in this class?”

“Yep, fun ol’ Biology. Maybe our teacher will make learning about amoebas fun.”

 “One can only hope.” He stepped back, letting me pass through the door first. “Wow, such a gentleman Halpert. Where did you learn that from?”

“Oh, just something I picked up.” 

He had grown so much over the summer he was towering over me now. I had to lift my chin to make eye contact with him, making casual glances more difficult.

We walked into the room and saw a couple of recognizable faces. Dwight was in the front row lining his pencils and pens alongside him.

“Oh, this is going to be fun,” I smiled at Jim and winked. He smirked at me and nodded.

“Yo Dwight!”

“Jim, so I guess we are going to be working together, again.”

I put my fingers over my mouth, covering the giggle that was trying to bust through.

“Yes, we shall,” Jim ran his fingers across the front of the table Dwight was at and turned beside him, leaning down next to his ear. “I heard this teacher loves talking about beets. Just in case you needed some extra credit.”

“Well, you should know I won’t need the extra credit but thank you for the information. It will be nice having someone intelligent to discuss that with.”

“You bet, Dwight.” He slapped his hand on Dwight’s back a little too hard, and Dwight coughed, and I almost lost it.

Jim looked back at me and smiled. I grinned and gave him a thumbs up. I started walking around, and Jim sat at a table, motioning for me to join him.

The room was set up with three rows of tables. Each table had two seats, and each row contained four tables. So it appeared I was going to be lucky enough to share this hour with him. Jim had chosen the table diagonal to Dwight.

I was relieved that Roy wouldn’t be in this class with us. He was taking regular Science later in the day. He didn’t excel at academics.

Ryan was seated near the back, without Kelly. She had called me over the summer, squealing into the telephone. Twenty minutes later, I could figure out that he wanted some space and that since they weren’t going to be in every class together in High School, this might be a good time to figure things out between them. I looked back at him and tried to smile, but he just stared forward. He looked miserable.

The tardy bell rang, and our teacher came through the door. He was a middle-aged man who was balding in the front. He was a little overweight and carried what appeared to be a crossword puzzle book in his hand. He silently walked to the whiteboard and wrote his name across the board, ‘Mr. Hudson’. He glumly turned back towards us, never really looking at us.

“Well, ok. This is Biology, and I’ll start with roll.” I turned slowly to Jim, and he did the same towards me. We both had our eyebrows lifted with tiny smiles on our faces. He lifted his left shoulder and tilted his head. A loud laugh escaped my lips, and I clasped my hand over my mouth, completely embarrassed.

“Ok, come on now. Well, it looks like everyone’s here,” He spoke as if he had no energy and wanted to be anywhere but here, and we were bothering his peace and quiet. “So pull your books from under your seats and turn to chapter one. Start there, and then I'll pass out your homework at the end of class.”

Dwight’s hand shot up quickly, startling Mr. Hudson. “Yes?”

“Question: Is it ok if we read further than chapter one? I am a fast reader and would be bored once I finished that if I didn’t have anything else to read.”

I felt Jim’s elbow jab my side. This was going to be a great class.

“Sure, read the whole thing for all I care. You just need to read chapter one for tonight’s homework.” Mr. Hudson slumped into his oversized desk chair and picked his crosswords back up. He sat like that for the entire class, only peering over the booklet if something made a noise but never lifting his head.

“Jim?” I whispered it while holding my book in front of my face hoping no one heard me. I slumped back into my seat, trying to get his attention.

“What? I’m trying to understand the complexities of osmosis and how I might be able to use it to mess with Dwight.”

I stifled a giggle, “I was just wondering if you were going to that dance on Friday, you know, that one for the freshman?”

“Oh, you mean you want to know if I’ll be showcasing the famous Halpert moves?”

“Yes, I need to know if I need to bring my camera.”

He slunk into his chair to even out our heights, “I’d say it’s a good bet. You going to be there?” I nodded back at him, “Roy?”

My smile faded as I understood the question's true meaning: "No, he hates that kind of stuff. I’ll be alone, well I mean not alone but stag. You’d be there so I wouldn’t be alone, right?”

“Of course, Beesly, I’ll keep you entertained.” He lifted the right side of his mouth and puffed out his chest. “Plus, I’ll see those Fancy Beesly dance moves all night.”

“Oh, you know it.”

For the rest of the day and week, I had this smile I couldn’t entirely wipe off. Everything seemed to be normal between Jim and me, and things were great.

****

“Ok, mom, I’m ready” I came bouncing down the stairs wearing my new blue dress. I had put a little bit of lipstick on, and I curled my hair into soft ringlets.

“Oh, honey, you look beautiful. Too bad Roy’s not going with you tonight to see it.”

“Oh, that’s alright. Jim will be there, so I’ll have someone to hang out with.”

“I’m so glad you two are friends again. You made such a cute couple.”

My cheeks turned pink as she swept me up in her arms, giving me a tight squeeze.

****

We pulled up in front of my school, which looked so different at night, almost ghostlike. 

“Do you have your dance ticket?”

“Oh, yea, it’s right here” I held up a small purple piece of paper.

“Ok, I’ll pick you up at 10:30 just after it’s over. Call me if you need anything or want to come home early.”

“Ok, bye, mom.” I turned on my heels and ran towards the entrance. 

I stopped almost as quickly as I'd begun when I saw Jim leaning against the gym wall. I lowered my head and clasped my hands in front of me as I walked up to him. He was wearing dress pants and a black sweater. His hair was still messy, but it looked like he might’ve run a comb through it at least once.

“Hey.”

He looked like I caught him off guard, then he looked up at me, and his mouth fell open. He looked down at my dress, then back up to my eyes.

“Hey, wow, look at you. I’ll have to call you Fancy New Beesly now.”

I ignored the tension in the air and rolled my eyes, “Oh, please. So are you waiting for someone special, or just holding up that wall?”

“Well, I was waiting for someone special,” he hesitated, and I caught my breath, “but you’ll do.” I smiled and smacked him on the arm.

“Come on, Halpert, let’s go inside.” I took his hand in mine and pulled him towards the door. I felt his fingers tighten around mine as we got closer to the door. I awkwardly pulled my hand back as I pulled my ticket out of my purse. My cheeks had turned a pleasant shade of pink, and I was glad it was dark outside.

“So you’re not going to abandon me here, are you?” I looked up at his face, hope shining through my eyes.

“No” His eyes were dark and severe, he held my gaze a little longer than usual, and I had to look away. 

We entered the large gym filled with uncomfortable young teenagers. Some danced together in the middle of the floor while most were on the sides. 

“So, what shall we do with ourselves?” He turned to look at me, his head tilted slightly, and his hands shoved in his pockets.

“Well, there are so many choices. We could start over here and mingle, heading around clockwise and ending up in that corner. 

“Wow, sounds like you have this whole evening planned out already.” 

“I couldn’t resist” Our eyes met again, and a spark flew between us. I’m sure they would've seen the flame if someone had been staring at the space between our two bodies. 

“Oh! My! GOD!” 

I was surprised to feel an arm grab my shoulder and spin me around. Kelly was standing in front of me, wearing a beautiful floor-length white dress. 

“Oh, Kelly. Wow, you look great.” 

“Ahh! I love your dress. It’s so pretty. Doesn’t she look pretty, Jim?” He made what sounded like a choke behind me. “Wow, Pam, you just look so beautiful, and you’re wearing lipstick! AH, this is so great! Oh, and ohmygod Ryan is totally going to be my date tonight! AHHH, I KNOW!” She took my hands in hers and started jumping up and down 

“Wow, that’s great. Where is he?” Jim interrupted the jumping fest, and my feet silently thanked him. 

“Oh, he’s over there.” She turned her back and pointed toward a group of girls, and Ryan was standing in the center. 

“Hmmm, looks like he’s got a lot of girls around him. You should go check on him.” I knew instantly what Jim was doing, and I was grateful. 

“Oh yea, you better go over there.” I pushed her shoulders in the direction of Ryan. 

“What the…” She started marching across the gym floor. 

“Phew, that was close.” I turned back to Jim as he wiped his forehead with the back of his hand.

 “You’re horrible” I shook my head at him. 

“But you love it,” He looked at me, and his eyes looked like they sparked as he said ‘love.’

“You’re right. I love it” His eyes locked with mine, and it felt like he could read my mind. I took a deep breath and sighed when a slow song started flowing out of the loudspeakers. 

“So Beesly,” he held his right hand out, “will you do me the honor?”

I reached out and slid my hand over his, “Of course.”

He pulled me to his body, and my left hand rested against his chest. The fibers of his sweater felt so soft and warm to the touch. He turned his hand and slid his fingers between mine, locking down on my knuckles. I curled my fingers around his hand and leaned my head against his chest. I could hear his heart beating in my ears. It was loud and fast. 

I don’t remember what song it was playing in the background. I just remember him. We swayed back and forth in the darkness holding each other close. 

I felt him lean his cheek down on top of my head, and I swear I heard him breathe deep, taking the scent of my shampoo into his nostrils. We were standing near the back of the room, away from peering eyes. This is where we could be ourselves without being embarrassed or self-conscious. I still loved him, but I had difficulty admitting it to myself. Still, I was confused at this moment, but he wasn’t. 

The song ended, and more upbeat music replaced it. I didn’t want him to let go, but he pulled back, and my hand dropped from his chest. His face was so full of emotions. I knew what he was going to say. I knew what he was feeling because I was feeling it too. 

He stepped back a little bit, letting go of my hand. “I’m in love with you,” he said as if he’d been waiting for years.

“What?”

“I…just wanted you to know that ... once.” 

“What are you doing?” I was at a loss for words as my stomach squeezed deep inside of me, I couldn’t feel my tongue, and it wasn’t saying what I felt. 

He looked at me, his eyes filled with tears. I shook my head at him, internally begging him not to cry. 

“I…can’t. I’m sorry” He stepped back again, one lonely tear streaking down his cheek. 

“No, I’m sorry” He turned and walked away from me, my heart sank to my feet, and I knew I’d lost him.