INT. MICHAEL’S OFFICE – EARLY MORNING – DAY 2

Michael is sitting at his desk with many PAPERS strewn about. He looks tired, but still somewhat upbeat.

MICHAEL
Exciting day. Exciting, exciting, exciting. We are hiring a brand-new Dunder Mifflinite and today is the day the first candidate is coming to interview. Holly gets to do most of the interviewing, but after she’s done they get to step into my lair for the real fun.

Beat, as he thinks about what he just said.

MICHAEL (CONT’D)
No. Wait. That sou– That sounded kind of creepy. No, I just mean I get to interview each person to see how they’d fit in with what I like to call the Dunder Mifflin Culture. First thing I’ll teach them: Be thankful Toby didn’t just interview you. Because Toby is el laaah-maaay. That’s what they say in Costa Rica. Second thing: Don’t ever sleep with your boss. Tried it. Didn’t work.

He shakes his head quickly, as if to shake off the memory of Jan.

MICHAEL (CONT’D)
Unless we hire a hot girl. Gotta keep your options open.
(laughing nervously)
Just kidding.

Long beat.

MICHAEL (CONT’D)
No, but you know what? I’m going to look them all up on MySpace. I’ve personally never used it, but Creed keeps talking about it. A good manager always does his research.

INT. OFFICE – RECEPTION AREA – D2

Pam is walking around the reception area, tidying things up. Jim is casually leaning against the other side of the counter, popping JELLYBEANS into his mouth.

JIM
(chewing)
Umm, I think you missed something.

PAM
(frantically)
What?

JIM
The sign that’s supposed to go right here.

He points to the top of the counter.

JIM (CONT’D)
You know, the one that says–
(moving his open hand in the air)
–“Stop. Turn around. Save yourself. You don’t want to work here.”

Pam smiles and rolls her eyes affectionately.

PAM
It’s not that bad.

JIM
(looking directly into Pam’s eyes and smiling)
I know.

DWIGHT TALKING HEAD – CONFERENCE ROOM

DWIGHT
Do we need another employee at this branch? No. We need fewer employees. If we got rid of half the employees here, this branch would be far more profitable. When Mose and I opened our B and B, we hired three employees. They all quit within the first two days. Best thing that ever happened to Schrute Farms. We only had to pay one employee. Me. Our profits skyrocketed.

He pauses momentarily and listens, as if the cameraman is asking a question.

DWIGHT (CONT’D)
No, one employee. Mose doesn’t understand the concept of salary, so I don’t pay him. I run Schrute Farms ruthlessly.

INT. OFFICE – RECEPTION AREA – MOMENTS LATER – D2

Pam is sitting at her desk. Jim is standing on the other side, talking to her. He is leaning over the counter, resting his elbows on it. Kevin and Andy have walked up next to Jim to join the conversation.

KAITLIN, a classy, nonthreatening brunette, walks in as if seeking confirmation she’s in the right place. She is about 24 years old (click to see image) and is carrying a LEATHER PORTFOLIO. Kevin and Andy glance at each other fleetingly, as if to confirm her attractiveness.

PAM
Hey, you must be Kaitlin. I’m Pam.

KAITLIN
(nervous, but smiling sweetly)
Yeah, hey, I’m Kaitlin Casey. I’m here to interview with Holly Flax for the community outreach position. Nice to meet you.

PAM
Okay, no problem. One minute. Her phone isn’t working so I’ll go back and let her know you’re here.

She gets up and walks back to the annex.

KEVIN
(awkwardly)
Hey. I’m Kevin.

ANDY
(weirdly)
Drew Bernard.

He shakes Kaitlin’s hand.

ANDY (CONT’D)
Pleasure.

JIM
(quietly, to Andy)
So you’re back to that, huh?

ANDY TALKING HEAD – 3RD FLOOR HALLWAY

ANDY
The last few months have been rough.
(starts counting off on his fingers)
Angela called off the engagement. My dad’s yacht got repossessed by the SEC. Angela started dating Dwight. Um, PS, how random is that? So I’m thinking: Going back to Drew can only help. Plus, look at all the awesome people named Drew.

Long beat, as he is in thought.

ANDY (CONT’D)
Drew Carey. Drew ...
(voice trails off)

INT. OFFICE – RECEPTION AREA – CONTINUOUS – D2

KAITLIN
(semi-jokingly)
So, anything I should know before I go in there?

KEVIN
(awkwardly)
Ummm.

Andy starts to say something but is cut off by Jim.

JIM
Wow. So this is awkward. Kaitlin, by the way, I’m Jim.

He shakes Kaitlin’s hand.

JIM (CONT’D)
Okay, this is very important: You don’t need to know anything but I need to know two things first. One: Do you have a sense of humor?

KAITLIN
(laughing)
Yeah, I think so.

JIM
Okay, two: Can you resist the urge to jump off tall buildings?

KAITLIN
(nervously laughing)
Uh, yeah? I mean, I don’t really see myself doing that.

JIM
Perfect. You are now officially qualified to work at Dunder Mifflin. Congratulations.

KAITLIN
(laughing)
Easiest interview ever.

DWIGHT (O.S.)
That was a terrible interview.

PAN OVER to Dwight, who is sitting at his desk. He obviously has been eavesdropping on the conversation.

DWIGHT
You would be the worst human resources representative of all time.

JIM
Good thing I’m a salesman, then.

Dwight scoffs.

DWIGHT
Yeah, if you can even call yourself that.

JIM
You’re right. I guess Dwight’s Boss would be a more appropriate title.

KEVIN
Ohh, snap.

PAN OVER to Kaitlin. She looks uncomfortable.

JIM
(quietly, to Kaitlin)
That’s just Dwight. The reason I want to jump off a tall building. Every. Single. Day.

Before Kaitlin can respond, Pam returns.

PAM
Hey, Kaitlin. Holly’s almost ready. She asked me to have you to wait in the conference room for like one minute.

KAITLIN
Okay, well, wish me luck, guys.

KEVIN & ANDY
Good luck.

Jim smiles politely.

JIM
Good luck.

Pam leads Kaitlin into the conference room.

ANDY
(confidently)
Totally wants me.

JIM
Yeah, that Drew charm is irresistible.

INT. CONFERENCE ROOM – MOMENTS LATER – D2

KAITLIN
So that guy Jim is pretty cool.
(gossipy)
He’s cute, too.

PAM
Oh, yeah–

Just then, Holly enters.

HOLLY
Hi, Kaitlin. I’m Holly Flax.

She shakes Kaitlin’s hand.

HOLLY (CONT’D)
Sorry to keep you waiting.

KAITLIN
Oh, no. No problem.

HOLLY
Okay, great. Let’s get started.
(to Pam, who is standing in the doorway)
Thanks, Pam.

Pam looks hesitant to leave. She obviously wants to explain her and Jim’s engagement to Kaitlin.

PAM
All right.

She smiles halfheartedly and closes the door behind her.

INT. OFFICE – JIM AND DWIGHT’S DESKS – LATER – D2

Jim is at his desk, working intently. Dwight is at his desk, talking on the phone. Michael opens his office door and takes a few steps into the main office.

MICHAEL
Jim, Dwight, can I see you in my office for a minute?

Jim and Dwight look at each other quizzically, then at Michael quizzically.

JIM
Uh, yeah. Sure. No problem.

He gets up and walks into Michael’s office.

DWIGHT
(into the phone)
I’m gonna have to call you back.

He hangs up the phone before he even is finished speaking, gets up and follows Jim into Michael’s office.

MICHAEL
Shut the door, Dwight.

Dwight shuts the door behind him and sits down next to Jim. The look on his face is one of grave concern.

MICHAEL
I have been going crazy thinking about this problem I have.

DWIGHT
What is it, Michael?

MICHAEL
I set up a MySpace account to find out stuff about the people we’re interviewing. But then I discovered you can also meet women on it.

MICHAEL TALKING HEAD – MICHAEL’S OFFICE

MICHAEL
I’ve watched those commercials for LoveLine or whatever it’s called.
(attempting a sultry voice)
“Call 1-800-LoveLine today. Hot, sexy women are standing by, waiting to talk to you.” I mean, how can you not watch them? They come on right before Blind Date.

He shakes his head quickly.

MICHAEL (CONT’D)
But that’s not what I’m looking for. You don’t see those commercials saying stuff like–
(again attempting a sultry voice)
–”Call 1-800-Find-a-Long-Term-Girlfriend-And-Possibly-Wife today. Classy, intelligent, hilarious women who want to have three kids and live in a spacious, split-level ranch with a tree house and a nice, in-ground pool are waiting to talk to you.” Or above-ground pool. Whatever. I’m not picky.

Beat.

MICHAEL (CONT’D)
The point is, you can’t find women like that with those 1-800 numbers. But on MySpace -- on MySpace, anything’s possible.

INT. MICHAEL’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS – D2

MICHAEL
I need your help setting up my profile.

Dwight becomes visibly giddy. Jim’s face displays a look of mischievous possibility mixed with “oh-no.”

MICHAEL (CONT’D)
Jim, you’re a good-looking guy. I bet you meet tons of women on MySpace.

JIM & PAM TALKING HEAD – OFFICE – RECEPTION AREA

Jim holds up Pam’s left hand for the camera. He points to the ENGAGEMENT RING on her finger and makes a face as if to say, “Seriously, Michael?”

INT. MICHAEL’S OFFICE – CONTINUOUS – D2

DWIGHT
I can help you, Michael. Let me do some research and get back to you ASAP.

MICHAEL
Okay. Thank you, Dwight. Jim, are you going to help, too?

JIM
Yeah. I think Dwight’s got this one pretty much covered.

DWIGHT
Question. Can you write down a list of your ideal women’s characteristics? Breast size, intelligence level, physical strength. Things like that.

MICHAEL
What? Dwight. No.

DWIGHT
So I can properly tailor my research.

MICHAEL
(sheepishly)
Fine. Cute face. Small waist. Big behind.

Beat.

MICHAEL (CONT’D)
(to the camera)
Mike Jones.

Jim looks directly into the camera with wide eyes. He tries, but fails, to hold back an astonished smile.

ANDY TALKING HEAD – 3RD FLOOR HALLWAY

ANDY
Drew ... Lachey.

Beat.

ANDY (CONT’D)
Niice. Forgot about Drew Lachey.